I went home still petrified by those words, I couldn't even cry about losing my fucking job, I was so absorbed in my thoughts. I had fear and hate, those feelings all mixed up in me, and they made me gasp.
Worst of all, when I thought about his face.
Wow, I couldn't even think of anything else, it was like his gaze on me was stuck in my soul in a way that wouldn't let go. It was stuck and I couldn't dodge it.
I started with what was most sensible, I sent one resume after another, and I needed to get another job as soon as possible.
There was no choice for me and I didn't even have a decided direction for my life, but what could I do? Smile and go back to my father who despises me? NO.
I had to do something about all that shit!
I did some interviews later that week, things weren't that bad.
When I lay down on the couch, or in my bed, that scene, the threat came to take, I felt my whole body shiver, because I didn't know what I was feeling. Afraid of the threat? Curious to know more about that filthy soul and completely beautiful human being? It was a demon without a doubt! He had been sent just to torment me!
One morning things that were always the same, got a little different, I left with wet hair, a cup of coffee in my hands, and a donut stuck in my mouth as I tried to balance my purse, cell phone, and keys all at the same time. time.
I ran down to get into the car I had called, if everything went well, I would start working. Finally! The bills were piling up fast, and asking for money or swiping my credit card was no longer an option. I needed to get it all right.
I ran downstairs, my head full of trying problems and solutions.
And that's when I saw him from afar, but I saw him anyway.
DAMN, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
The man, the demon of my dreams, who hammered my nightmares and dreams, which now blended into one, standing on the other side of my street, didn't even try to hide, wanted to make it clear that he was looking at me, wanted to make it clear that I was watching my steps.
My heart raced, but not for the right reason, damn it, I wanted to be scared! What's up with you Lauren? He was even more beautiful than the first time.
Fuck, what did he want there? I never went back to the fucking favela, I didn't even come close to something like that! Did I break any rules? Have I been marked for death? I didn't know it, but I didn't have time to waste, I got in the car still looking at him through the window, the icy look I remembered so well, no smiles, no flirting, just an inert man watching me, like if you knew exactly how to make me go crazy. AND HE KNEW!
I arrived at the office of a new magazine, a little more politicized, how lucky I had been! When I left there with the papers to start the next day, my heart jumped with joy.
There was no better feeling than that.
But what was waiting for me at home? Would he still be there?
Why was I rushing? Why don't I just call the police like a normal person? Because if I did that I wouldn't be Lauren. And Lauren, troublemaker!
I got to my street, I looked around before entering my apartment, he was gone. I felt more relieved, so I decided to get out of there, drinking a little wouldn't hurt me! I got ready, went down the street, and sat down in a small PUB that rarely had anyone. I stayed there drinking for a while, and when I finally saw the day darken and turn to night, I thought I'd had enough.
I was already braiding my legs, really crazy, I decided to go to my house walking along the curb, drunk always make shitty decisions, right?
I walked to my house, the cold it was that day was certainly not normal, but I didn't feel it, I almost got run over a few times, and I don't even know why I committed that imprudence.
When I finally arrived, I looked up at the pole, and boy, did I not see him again, maybe full face I was going to confront him. I felt a pang in my heart, but what an irrational idea I had, what did you think, that the guy was going to stand guard at your crazy door? I scolded myself in thought, but laughing on the outside.
Dude, I'm such an idiot.
I went up to my apartment, I loved watching people pass by through the window, even more so when I was drinking, then things got more interesting, there was humor and poetry inside that I couldn't explain, and the sound of silence cut through the room and only being interrupted by my cat asking for food.
I poured myself some wine (more wine?) yes, I have no limits, I drink little, the problem is that when I drink, I turn into someone who drinks eight times as much and that is the problem. But I was at home, it wouldn't hurt!
When I finally returned to my chair, strategically pointed towards the window, he was there again, but I was stoned as fuck, and I didn't have the slightest chance that this was real. It was a desire of my subconscious, to see him again, it was the desire to look into his eyes, maybe forget that he was a criminal, and let him fuck me hard on my couch, just The idea left me in another world. Well, dreaming is not a sin! It never was, not in my world and by my rules.
If one day I had to see my life on a big screen, it would be a serious problem!
I stared at my favorite mirage, he lit a cigarette, goddamn that wasn't part of my imagination, was I losing my mind? My mind was confused, I could no longer separate what was real from what wasn't, and with an imbecile attitude, I decided to go down the way I was, bra and shorts, I just put on an overcoat that was already at the door since when I arrived, I didn't close my overcoat, I didn't even put a shoe on my foot, in fact, in my crazy mind, I was very... very afraid that that mirage would disappear like smoke when I got closer.
But not.
I crossed the street and a car almost caught me, but that's okay, the closer I got the clearer it all became for me, what was that man doing there? Come to kill me? Or did I want it so badly that it took shape? Did I walk into a mirror? Am I in the motherfucking matrix? I laughed, the jokes were bad even by my standards.
“What are you doing down here dressed like that?”
He lunged at me, without me even saying hello, his voice husky and strong, and an angry look devouring me.
“Up to the apartment now!”
“Oh well, I don't let anyone rule me, and now I've created someone to rule my mind… Oh my God!”
I laughed more.
He held my arm tight, it wasn't drunk, he was there! I felt the touch of his hands, even in the cold weather, that night was hot. He pulled me to him, and I stared into his eyes, the steady gaze confused me, what mess had I gotten myself into? Good Goodbye! Life has been good so far.
“Go up to the fucking apartment now and put some decent clothes on, don't make me mad Lauren, do what I tell you now!”
The hot breath against my face could only be a dream, the most beautiful and darkest eyes I had ever seen.
I blacked out, I don't remember anything anymore. I didn't even know if what had happened was real, did he question my clothes? Was he here? Did I go down?
Well, I didn't come down, it was just a dream! I said calm down, or else who would have put me to bed?
If it was a dream, I'll drink again and dream again, before that feeling of his hands escapes my mind. Daydream or not, it took my breath away, as always.
And I had a feeling it would always be like this.