Chapter 53: Dark thoughts.

Amaarae's POV 

“ Oh.” I said with a sigh. 

I looked around for a second, taking my space in consideration. It was suffocating and I felt like I was drowning in it.

“ Lucas.” I called out softly, through the thick walls maybe he would hear me and come back to me.

“ I need you.” I said with a soft breath.

The room felt heavy, like the walls were pressing in on me. My chest heaved with sobs as I sat crumpled on the floor. I couldn’t stop crying. The pain was too much, too sharp, cutting through me like a knife.

I thought back to Daemon, my true mate and my heart melted. I thought about our first night together and the passion that we shared and the heat that seemed to seep through our pores.

I couldn't help but long for his touch and tenderness.. I loved him even though our link had been severed. I felt every full moon like he was calling onto me.

I remembered his cold dark eyes when I left him.. our last time together.

Pain. 

It shook through my life and gave no space for a shed of happiness.

“Why, Moon Goddess?” I choked out,my voice barely audible. “Why would you do this to me?”

Tears blurred my vision, but I could still see the moonlight spilling through the window. It mocked me, hanging high and bright, as if it didn’t care about the agony it had caused me.

“Curse you!” I screamed, my voice cracking. “You’re supposed to protect us! You’re supposed to guide us! But instead, you gave me a mate who left me to rot!” I yelled in anger, I lost all part of my reasoning as I breathed harshly with the tears spilling out of my eyes.

The words felt good as they left my lips, bitter but freeing. My fists clenched on the floor as I sobbed harder. My mate had abandoned me, chosen someone else, while I was stuck here with Lucas. That infuriating vampire who thought it was fun to toy with me, to remind me every second of what I’d lost.

And yet, even in my rage, even in my misery, I felt it—a heat coiling low in my stomach. It made me hate myself even more.

“What’s wrong with me?” I muttered, dragging a hand down my tear-streaked face. “How can I feel this way after everything? After him?”

The room was cold now, the chill settling deep in my bones. My thin nightgown wasn’t enough to keep me warm, but I couldn’t bring myself to move. My thoughts were tangled, my emotions a mess. Anger, shame, heartbreak—they all fought for space in my head.

But then something else crept in. Determination.

My face contorted into a smile as I found my inner strength.

I sniffed and wiped my face with the back of my hand. No, I wouldn’t stay like this. I wouldn’t let this break me. If Lucas wanted to play games, fine. I’d play too.

“I’ll make him beg,” I whispered to myself, my voice shaky but firm.

This thought? It brought a smirk to my lips. I replayed the scene of being a seductress in my head severally.. playing with my fingers, still on the floor.

The thought ignited something in me, a spark that quickly turned into a flame. Lucas thought he could control me, that he could tease me and walk away without consequences. Well, he was wrong.

Or maybe I thought?!

I stood up, my legs weak but steadying as I walked toward the door. My mind raced with possibilities. How could I make him give in? How could I make him want me as badly as I wanted him?

All these thoughts revolted in my head, I formed a fist with steady glowing eyes, which showed my determination to conquer.

To conquer the conqueror.

“Maybe I don’t have to,” I muttered, my fingers hovering over the doorknob.

The thought made me pause. My heart raced as I imagined it—me, standing in front of him, daring him to resist. But as I tightened my grip on the doorknob, something stopped me. A small, quiet voice in the back of my head.

Was this what I really wanted? Was this who I wanted to be?

I didn't want to become him.. a beast or an abomination.

I let out a shaky breath and released the knob, stepping back. My head throbbed with the weight of my emotions, but I knew I couldn’t face him like this. Not yet.

Turning away from the door, I walked to the mirror. The moonlight caught my reflection, illuminating the tear tracks on my cheeks. My hair was a mess, my eyes red and puffy.

But then I looked closer. Past the mess, past the pain. My curves, the shape of my body—I saw something there. Something powerful.

My gaze drifted to the dressing table, and I saw the comb sitting there. 

A thought flickered in my mind, it made my stomach churn and my throat was about to release some of its waste so I pushed the thought to the back of my mind.

I concentrated more on telling myself the things that determined me.

I defined myself with a plain smile on my face.

“You’re not broken,” I told myself, my voice barely above a whisper. “You’re not weak.”

The words felt foreign, but I kept saying them. Over and over. Until they started to feel true.

I hesitated but I took the comb, my fingers traced on them and the thought jumped back into my head and made me jerk.

I set the comb down and stared at my reflection again.

This time, I didn’t see the girl who’d been abandoned, who’d been left to suffer. I saw someone who could fight back. Someone who could win.

I didn’t need Lucas. I didn’t need my mate.

But if Lucas wanted to play games? I’d make sure he never forgot who he was playing with.

For now, though, I’d wait. I’d plan. Because I wasn’t about to let anyone, not Lucas, not my mate, not even the Moon Goddess, define who I was.

I was Amaarae. And this wasn’t the end of my story.

Just as I thought this was all over, my stomach grumble loudly but not in the need for food but for something else and it made the tip of my ear redden.

Pleasure. I wanted pleasure.

I picked up the comb, ignoring the voice in my head as I pressed the edge of the comb against my pussy and rubbed on it until my head was thrown back and my lips slipped open for air.

I gasped harshly for breath.

“ Ah.”