Chapter 107 107: The Door Between Us
He cried through the shower, letting the water wash away his heavy tears.
After spending minutes in there, he came out and wore some loose sleep pants and a shirt, then he headed out to his balcony.
What he didn't expect was to find an adjoining balcony right next to his with a small door between them. What he didn't expect even more was to find a shirtless Saint leaning over the railing and watching the quiet city with his lit cigarette resting between his lips.
He should turn around, go back inside, and continue his cry episode. But he didn't.
He moved quietly, closer, closer until he stood in front of the adjoining dwarf door between their balconies.
He could not tell if Saint had noticed him, for the man remained unmoving, eyes fixed ahead like nothing in the world bothered him.
But Saint did notice.
Of course he did. This was Baby after all, he'd notice him from a thousand miles away.
He knew when Baby stepped out of his room and onto the balcony. He knew when Baby started to move closer, and he sensed it as Baby started looking at him.
He wanted to act unbothered, wait it out until Baby decided to retire to his room. But the longer he felt those eyes on him, the harder it was to act like he didn't notice.
Baby hadn't blinked since he locked his eyes on Saint. He was feeling anxious and unsure. For the past week, he had been nothing but an ass. Reaching out to Saint now would surely backfire on him.
All he could read from Saint was coldness and anger. That should make him stay away, but his heart had a mind of its own.
He was exhausted from running and just needed something warm to hug him... like Saint's arms.
There's only one thing he had to do: be honest.
Honesty can either set him free or get him banned for life. Either way, he was going to give it a shot.
If he could open his stupid mouth and cause them both such immense pain, then he could use that same mouth to try and fix them.
"Saint..." he called, his fingers gripping the wooden dwarf door tightly as if it was his anchor.
Saint stilled, his fingers trembling slightly until he had to clench his fist to look steady.
He hadn't expected Baby to actually say his name, especially not with such a hoarse, broken voice. It ripped at his insides, pushing him to go over there and pull Baby into his arms.
He didn't.
He had hurt too much to let himself be swayed by a pitiful act.
Baby was the only one who had the power to ruin him completely, and if he let his guard down one last time around Baby... he'd be done for good.
Baby blinked, freeing the well of tears in his eyes. He couldn't do this for one second longer.
"I miss you..." Baby whispered.
Baby's soft whisper was carried through by the gentle breeze, landing right into Saint's ears and violently dismantling the man's heart and walls.
Saint straightened, his eyes blurring for a second as those tingles he thought he'd killed violently traveled across his body, warming his skin against the cold night.
He dragged in a great amount of smoke, letting it out through his nostrils.
This was it, he was gone.
Slowly, he turned his head slightly, locking his grey eyes with those agonizingly beautiful blue ones.
A frown marked his face the moment he saw the tears staining Baby's flushed cheeks, and without thinking his legs moved, right toward Baby and only stopping when he was standing directly in front of Baby, the dwarf door being their only separation now.
He stared intently at Baby's face, not saying a word yet.
Baby inhaled shakily, his lip trembling as he tried to stop himself from crying and look steady.
"I miss you, Saint... I miss us," he whispered, clenching his fists to hold himself from jumping Saint.
Saint gulped, his heart hammering aggressively against his ribs.
How could another human have such a dangerous effect on him? This wasn't healthy... this wasn't safe.
Yet, his hand reached up, his finger hooking under Baby's chin to tilt his face.
They held their gaze for a few seconds, electricity sparkling between the small space between their eyes.
One man's eyes were filled with agony, apologies, longing, while the other man's eyes were filled with doubt, deep-seated longing, hurt, and an irrevocable kind of love.
"Tears don't suit a pretty face," Saint murmured, his voice strained.
Saint's thumb brushed lightly beneath Baby's eye, catching the tear before it could fall.
The touch was so gentle it felt unreal.
Baby's breath hitched. For a moment he just leaned into it, like a plant finally finding sunlight after days in the dark.
"I'm not crying to look pretty," Baby whispered hoarsely.
Saint's jaw tightened.
"I can see that."
His finger lingered under Baby's chin longer than it should have. The heat between them was immediate, thick—like the air before a storm finally breaks.
Baby's hands tightened on the small dwarf door between the balconies.
"Saint… I messed up." His voice cracked again. "I said things I didn't mean. I pushed you away because I was scared and stupid and—"
"—and reckless," Saint finished quietly.
Baby flinched.
Saint exhaled slowly, smoke drifting past his lips into the night air. The city lights shimmered behind them, but neither of them noticed anything except the man standing inches away.
"You always run," Saint said, voice low. "You run your mouth, run from your feelings, run straight into other people's arms just so you don't have to face what's right in front of you."
Baby's chest tightened.
"I didn't sleep with anyone," he said quickly, desperate now. "Not after you. I swear."
Saint's eyes softened.
He knew that already.
Baby looked wrecked—eyes red, cheeks flushed, lips bitten raw like he'd been fighting himself for hours.
Saint's grip under Baby's chin softened.
"You're a disaster," he muttered.
Baby gave a weak laugh that turned halfway into a sob.
"I know."
Silence settled between them again, but it wasn't cold this time. It was heavy. Waiting.
Baby swallowed.
"I know you hate me right now."
Saint's brows drew together immediately.
"Hate you?"
Baby nodded miserably.
"Yeah. I saw the way you looked at me today."
Saint let out a quiet, humorless breath.
"If I hated you, Danvers," he said slowly, "I wouldn't be standing here right now."
Baby's heart stuttered.
Saint leaned forward slightly, his forehead almost touching Baby's through the bars of the small door.
"You think I pulled my hand away because I don't want you?"
Baby's lashes lifted.
Saint's voice dropped to a rough whisper.
"I pulled away because if I touched you… I wouldn't have stopped."