Chapter 77 I WAS SELF ABSORBED TO NOT SEE IT

Chapter 77 I WAS SELF ABSORBED TO NOT SEE IT
RAFAEL.

Kim started pacing to and from the moment we got to the kitchen, she bit on her nails nervously, but didn't say anything.
"Kim–"I called rather impatiently, glancing at the door.
She looked up at me and inhaled shakily."Eliana was here."She finally said, exhaling loudly.
My eyes flipped up at her immediately."What?"I asked in an unsure tone, hating how the news of her being here already unnerves me even though I haven't heard any other thing about her visit.
"She was here, not to give us some shitty emotional support for what happened but to gloat." Kim reported again, this time, her tone was more steady but harsh.
"Gloat about what?"
"It was her."She answered, smoothing her hand over her dress. "It wasn't Norman."Kimberly shook her head, gazing at me intently.
My breath caught in my throat slightly, as I stared at her.
Eliana leaked the news?
Goddamnit. That bitch.
"Shit."I cursed, walking towards the door immediately.
"Where are you going?"Kim asked behind me, causing me to turn to her.
I stared at her, confused."Of course, I'm going to her–"
"To do what? Make another deal with her and talk about me and come back and lie about it?"She snapped, stepping towards me.
A chilly wave coursed through my spine, causing me to avoid her gaze for a moment, like I already knew where she was landing, and the realization that I don't have any words to salvage it scared the shit out of me.
My brows jut together in confusion."What are you talking–"
"She told me everything, Rafael. You don't need to act dumb."Her chest heaved hard as she stood inches away from me.
"Kim, I–"
"You were so keen on me being clean and straight with you but guess what you did?"Her voice broke and tears laced her eyes.
"It wasn't that easy coming out with–"
She shook her head instantly, debunking whatever words I was forming."Remember when I begged you not to lie to me?"She craned her neck as a wet laugh choked out of her.
My lungs became stoked with air, I gaped at her, dumbfounded because I knew it, too damn well. I was barely out of her when she begged me not to.
"God."She laughed again, stepping away as her voice finally broke into shaky sobs."You knew how it wasn't easy for partners to lie about something they wished they could come out with plainly, yet, you judged me for doing the same thing with you."
My restraint stretched a little."No, it wasn't the same, you lied to me about my brother and–"
"Exactly!"She cut in, almost screaming."I lied about your brother, but not about you. Guess what you did to me? You cut deals behind my back, saving a head that was never in danger."
"You never had any issues with the marriage deal, Kim, you–"
"Yes, until you showed me that what we shared never meant anything to you."She slipped, her voice shook hard as tears flowed down her eyes.
"Kim."I called, not sure of what to say to her. Because it scared me too, and I hated how I lashed out at her, but will coming clean to her salvaged whatever we had together?
"I'm fucking exhausted, Rafael, and I hate that you were self absorbed to not see it."She sobbed and started walking out of me.
My chest tightened as Kim drifted away from me, like she would never come back, my throat constricted hard until it started to hurt, not knowing what else to do, I grabbed her by her arm and pulled her back.
"What do you think you're doing?"She sniffled, staring down at my hand on her.
"Yeah, I acted like an asshole. I agree, Kim. And I'm damned sorry, I hated it when I lashed it out at you, it kept me up for days, it still does. I was just–"I trailed off and swallowed.
Her hand faltered a bit in mine and she nodded."It just hurts, Rafael. Like crazy."
"Kim–"
"This does not mean I won't continue with the deal, of course, I don't have a choice."She laughed out tears and cleaned her face with the back of her hand.
A wave of ease flushed through my system instantly, and it was easier to breathe for a while, but deep down, a cloak of dread still lingered in my chest."Can you do this like someone who has other choices but wants to do this instead?" The words slipped off my mouth before I could grasp it back.
Kim raised her head up at me, slightly tussled and confused, but the lines of her face smoothed back.
"Maybe when you give me a reason to."She said, taking her hand out of mine and I could swear that mine trembled.
"I will."I said, determined to make this worth her while, and it starts with me setting things straight between us.
"The other day."I began, scratching the back of my head because I know she doesn't want to get involved in everything that goes on in my life anymore.
"She wanted to cut a deal as usual, but I wasn't ready, I was damned scared that it will change everything I knew about it, and I hate that I would have to face you and discuss it when it's a sore topic to you."
"You should have."Kim said, pressing her lips into a thin line.
"Of course."I muttered, resting my back on the wall."I just wanted to make it go away, but didn't think much about it, so that's why I didn't tell you."I explained, exhaling.
Kim nodded in understanding and went silent for a while."Thank you, Rafael."She raised her hand weakly at me and let it fall back on her sides.
"I'm sorry, Kim."I said easily, bobbing my head as well."Trust me, it still feels weird that all of these are happening and I'm not crashing out."I laughed, shaking my head in amusement.
"Rafael–"
"Baxter in the hospital, The news is still going around and I'm still getting my shits together."
"That's such a good improvement, Raf."Kim said softly, the anger off her face now reduced and I entertained the thoughts of pulling her into my arms and hug the hell out of her until she was out of breath because only God knows how much that will go a long way for me but I tucked my hands back into my pockets.
I still have a lot to do before I could have that privilege back.
"No, thank you, Kim." I paused a little bit and studied the look on her face."Thank you, Kim. And I'm sorry I was a self absorbed piece of shit to not realize this sooner."