Chapter 3: Loath

Days passed like a blur.

Isang linggo na ang nakalipas magmula noong may nangyari sa amin ni Claus and all I did was to reminisce every bit of it like it just happened yesterday. I can't seem to forget it.

I badly want to talk to Claus. Pero... paano kung hindi naman niya naaalala di ba? Because he was too drunk that night and I doubt if he can remember every piece of what happened to us.

Shit!

I'm going crazy! I don't know what to do anymore, pero pakiramdam ko ay hindi ko kayang makaharap ang kakambal ko!

"Tomorrow will be a busy day, Trin. Medyo tight ang schedule natin kaya mas mabuti pa ang magpahinga ka na muna."

I sighed. "It's okay Miya. Sanay naman na ako."

"Hindi. Uuwi ka ngayon sa condo mo ng maaga at magpapahinga. Ayaw kong sa kalagitnaan na naman ng shoot ay matutulala ka na parang sira." I sighed again. Hindi na ako nagreklamo pa dahil pakiramdam ko ay wala na akong sapat na enerhiya para makipag-away sa babaeng 'to. She's as hardheaded as me.

Nagpahatid ako sa service pauwi ng condo. Hindi ko na dinala ang sasakyan ko dahil ayaw akong payagan ni Miya. Baka daw ay madisgrasya pa ako lalo na at madalas akong matulala nitong mga nakaraang araw.

I know that she sense it already. Naaamoy niyang may mali pero hindi niya ako kailanman pinilit na magsalita tungkol doon. And that's one of the reason why I like her. She just waits whenever I feel comfortable of spitting up the thing that's bothering me.

Nang makarating ay kaagad na akong bumaba ng sasakyan. Glad that it wasn't a long drive at all.

Tipid na ngiti ang sinusukli ko sa mga bumabati sa akin habang papasok. I can't seem to smile genuinely lalo na at marami akong iniisip.

I entered my condo's pass code before going inside.

The familiar feeling of 'home' hit me. Ever since I decided to live on my own, ito na ang naging kakampi ko sa lahat. I am alone, but this is what I call home. Because I never feel welcome in our house back then. I feel like I was a prisoner... with no chance to escape, and I can't help but to be thankful that I already did it. With the help of myself.

My eyes slowly drifted to the living room.

I let out a gasp if surprise when I saw someone sitting on my single sofa. My heart thumped loudly inside as I made my way to him. He was just staring at me coldly. Like, I was nothing but a stranger in his eyes.

I felt bitter.

Stranger. Yes. That's what we are now.

"C-Claus, it's a surprise to see you here." How did you know my pass code? I want to add but I stopped myself. Of course he has ways. He always have ways.

"N-naghintay ka ba ng matagal? U-uhm, w-what do you want? Coffee or—"

"Nothing." He spat out coldly, cutting my sentence off. Napalunok ako at bahagya siyang nginitian. "Tell me, did something happened between us in this filthy place?" Napakurap ako ng ilang beses at bahagyang napaatras. He spat out those words like he was disgusted to be even here... or more like, disgusted of me.

Mas lalo akong nanghina.

"Answer me bitch!" napapikit ako ng mariin ng marinig ang malakas nitong sigaw. Napatayo na ito sa kinauupuan na para bang handa na akong sugurin kapag nagkamali ako ng sagot sa kaniya.

Bitch...

Pagak akong napatawa. I should get used to it. I should get used to that word dahil hindi lang naman siya ang kauna-unahang tao na tinawag akong ganun. Pero bakit ganun? Mas triple ang sakit kapag siya ang nagsasabi.

"Sumagot ka bago pa kung anong magawa ko sayo!" napabuga ako ng hangin. Hindi na talaga siya magdadalawang isip ngayon na manakit at saktan ako.

"O-oo... M-may nangyari sa atin." I tried to act brave at sinabi iyon ng nakatitig sa kaniyang mga mata pero hindi ko nakayanan. All I can see I'm his eyes is pure disgust and anger towards me.

"Fuck!" marahas nitong pinatid ang coffee table sa harap. His eyes were coated with so much loath as he looked at me. "How did I fucking ended up here?! Did you fucking drugged me, huh?!" galit na sigaw nito at nagmamadaling lumapit sa harap ko. I screamed painfully when he held my collar.

F-fuck!

He is really going to hurt me! And that fucking hurts me more!

"Putangina! You took advantage of my drunken state! You bitch! You are really a fucking bitch and I loathe you more for doing this shit to me!" He screamed on my face. Wala na akong ibang nagawa kundi ang iiwas ang mukha ko habang umiiyak. I didn't even realize I was already crying until he lifted me up.

I tried to pry his hands away but he was too strong. So I just let him. I let him do the things that he wanted to do.

"You know I am in relationship with your twin but fuck! You still fucking—!" Marahas niya akong binitawan. With no strength enough for me to stand up, I collapse on the floor.

I saw him kicked my sofa angrily.

"Bitch! You fucking bitch! K-kapag sa oras na malaman 'to ni Beatriz at masira ang relasyon namin dahil sayo, you are fucking dead Beautrin. Ngayon pa lang ay mag-alsa balutan ka na dahil hindi ko palalampasin 'tong ginawa mo kapag nalaman 'to ni Beatriz!"

I cried even more. I cried not because of how he can physically hurt me for my twin, but because of the fact na talagang wala na...

Wala na talaga siyang natitirang pagmamahal sa akin... Kahit kaunti. I was wishing for a little... but I fell because he doesn't feel anything to me now. I am no one but a twin sister of his lover.

"I fucking loath you! Huwag na huwag ka ng magpapakita sa akin! Please lang, Beautrin. Huwag mo na kaming guluhin ni Beatriz dahil kahit kailan... hinding hindi na ako babalik sayo."