Chapter 4: Ring
"Your mother called," Miya showed me her phone. I raised my brow at her. "Sumama ka daw sa dinner mamaya. With your family and the Monteserio's."
Monteserio.
Napailing ako. There's no way in hell that I will dine with that fucking family.
"Tell her I'm busy." I coldly said. Miya doubtfully looked at me. Alam kong nalilito siya kung bakit ko deni-decline ang invitation.
"Are you sure?" nakangiwi nitong saad. I nodded before lying on my bed. I took a break for work. I don't know how long should it be, but I know that this would really take longer.
"It's your Mom, Trin." saad ni Miya habang nakatingin sa akin. I just raised my brow again. And if it's Mom? Ano namang gagawin ko? Wala. I don't want to face any of them dahil ayaw kong ma-stress.
They will invite me for dinner and what? Embarrassed me in front of everyone. They will roast me to death. They will definitely talk about how I am so different from my twin, how am I a huge disappointment to everyone and such. I'm sick of listening to the same old song.
Kung noon ay gustong gusto kong makipag-dinner sa kanila because I wanted to make them 'proud'. Well, noon 'yon. Apparently magkaiba na ngayon dahil pagod na ako. I'm tired pleasing other people. I'm tired of trying hard to be noticed by them, na sana nakikita naman nila ang mga achievements ko and all. I'm tired. This time, this is for real. I don't want to be involved with them. I am completely shutting them down. Wala akong kikilalaning pamilya lalo na at sa simula pa lamang, hindi naman nila ako itinuring na kasama nila, na pamilya nila. I was the unwanted, and I now refused to be wanted. Bahala sila sa buhay nila.
"Why the fuck are you crying?!" Miya rushed to my side. Mabilis niyang inenspeksyon ang buo kong katawan na parang hinahanap kung anong masakit sa akin.
Gaga.
Puso ko ang sumasakit. Therefore no one can see how shattered my heart is right now.
"Beautrin what the fuck?!" malakas na sigaw ni Miya ng tuluyan na akong humagulhol habang mahigpit na nakahawak sa damit niya.
"M-masakit. M-masakit na masakit Miya..." iyak ko.
Lumambot ang tingin ni Miya at niyakap ako. She gently caressed my back. "Shush, asan ang masakit ha? Sino ang nanakit sa Trin namin..." malambing nitong saad habang patuloy sa paghaplos sa aking buhok.
"I-I want to go there..." I whispered painfully. Gusto ko naman na makasama ang pamilya ko. I want to feel them, I want to feel that they're on my side. K-kaya lang... Kaya lang ang sakit nilang kasama e...
"Then bakit ayaw mong pumunta, hm?" Miya said gently.
"K-kasi masakit ang... M-masakit ang puso ko. S-sinasaktan nila ako e... M-masakit ang puso ko kapag nakikita ko sila, pero g-gusto ko pa rin silang makasama kahit nasasaktan ako..." humihikbi kong ani. Narinig ko ang buntong-hininga ni Miya habang nakayakap sa akin.
She knows how bad my relationship is with my family. She knows that for years, I was living not for myself, but to make them proud. I pursued modelling because that is what my heart wants. My parents told Beatriz that she should follow and pursue what her heart desires. Beatriz became an engineer and I became a model. The most payed and a famous one in the country. But they...
They don't like my career.... at all.
They weren't very supportive of me kahit noon pa man. But I never planted jealousy and anger for my twin. I wan never angry at her. I love her kahit na... hindi niya ako masyadong mahal.
My family wanted me to quit and pursue medicine. Pero hindi ko 'yon gusto e! That is not what my heart desires kaya bakit... bakit 'yon ang susundin ko?
My whole life, I devoted it to nothing but to make them proud. Make them feel that I choose the right one's, the right path for myself. Pero sa tuwing nagkikita kami ng buong family, they never fail to make me feel like I don't belong at all. They always talk about how dissapointed they are at what I've chosen myself to be into, but we never talked about how bad and biased they are when it comes to me.
Minsan, naiisip ko nga na baka... Na baka ampon ako?
"Hush now, Trin. They don't deserve your tears, please... Tahan na oh..." narinig ko ang panginginig ng boses niya habang nagsasalita kaya mas lalo akong napaiyak.
"Beautrin... papupuntahin ko ba dito si Tammy?" she asked gently but I shook my head.
I have other plans for tonight. I want to forget everything for awhile.
***
"Put your hands up in the air everybody!!!"
I smirked when I saw Miya dancing crazily on the dance floor. Kasama nito si Tammy na panay naman ang hila patungo rito sa table namin pero ayaw patalo ng babae.
I drank the glass of pineapple juice straightly.
All I want right now is to get drunk and completely forget everything for awhile. I want to feel like I am living for myself and for everyone else.
But how am I going to do that when I don't even feel like drinking something alcoholic! This is so frustrating! I want to get drunk but I am stuck with this stupid pineapple juice!
I snorted bitterly.
Tiningnan ako ang bote ng tatlong vodka. Dalawa ang nakahiga na habang ang isa naman ay nakatayo pa rin at kalahati nalang ang laman.
I took my glass before pouring some with it. I took a picture of the bottle while my glass is in my hand.
Let's get drunk tonight, fellas. I captioned on my instagram story. I browse on my feeds and I stumbled on my twin sister's instagram post. It was posted an hour ago.
The first photo was her hands...
Napaawang ang labi ko and swiped some more. My tears started to blur my sight but still continue to look for the other photos she posted.
The second one shattered my heart.
It was a photo of her hands again, but with a ring on her ring finger.
Bind by God and destiny. Will stay forever 'till eternity. I'm engaged! 💍👰
The caption made me sob.
And the last one was a photo of her and... Claus. He was hugging her from the back, face buried on her neck while she was proudly showing her hand with a ring.
And before I know it...
I broke down.