Chapter 8 Chapter 8
Derek's POV
She was a mess again, and I couldn't figure out why. I thought things were going good, but her throwing up scared me. I called her "baby," and I didn't miss the hurt look on her face because I called Ellie that all the time. She hurried from the bathroom, and I found her on our bed curled up on her side sleeping.
I looked at her little body and sighed. I did this. I really fucked with her emotional state. She was a mess, and I couldn't get in to her thoughts; she kept a wall up.
My cell vibrated, and I pulled it out. Ellie was texting me.
How is Anna?
Good, she is still in the hospital; she is losing weight instead of gaining. I'm worried.
Told you, Derek, you will grow to love her.
Yeah, thanks for that, but I don't love her yet.
Give it time. Goodnight.
I put my phone away and crawled in behind her. She was sleeping, and I studied her closely. My mate was a little beauty, and I missed it. She whimpers in her sleep, and I sit up alarmed. She turned, and Aiden growled in my head, "Anna has been crying." I fucking did that. I caused this.
I pulled her close and kissed her lips and then head. I rubbed her back trying to calm my wolf; he knew why she was upset, and when I found out, I felt like a fool. She had thoughts that love never existed and I would never love her. Also, she knew Ellie and I had sex often. She hated her body. She hated herself, and she doubted everything.
He growled at me, but I pulled her in my arms and put her on top of my body. She was cold and shivering again. Aiden was pissed and blaming me for everything she was going through. It's your fucking fault he kept growling.
Hours later the doctor came in, and I told him how she threw up and how upset she was. He nodded, and we weighed her. Her weight was the same, and I sighed, frustrated with this shit. I covered us up and felt her slowly start to warm up.
"She needs reassured. Derek You basically broke her for another she-wolf. She was giving up when you marked her, and it will take time to get her back to a healthy state. I suggest letting her know you want and need her, but that may take time and alpha. He paused, looking sad. "She may not believe anything you say ever," he said, writing in his chart. After he left, I hugged her to me and rubbed her little body gently. Fuck me.
"I'm sorry, little one," I whispered in her ear. She whimpered and snuggled into my body more. I hated what I put her through, and I knew I had to make up for it. Ellie was right; I needed to try to give my all to her. Anna was so easy to love, and I could love her. I know I could and will.
I kissed her head and fell asleep holding her tight to me, trying to let her feel my sorrow. I wanted her to know how sorry I was for everything I put her through.
I woke hours later famished, and I mindlinked my beta to come with food and more clothes for us. Her mom packed a big bag full of clothes for her, and I had my beta bring more of my clothes I needed to change. I sat up and covered her up. Wesley came in with bags of food, and I gently eased away to take them. After asking to bring me more clothes, he asked about my sleeping beauty.
"The pack is doing good, Alpha. "How is the Luna?" he asked, looking towards my mate.
"Still underweight and still sick," I answered, sitting beside her. I felt awful, but she was still closed off. Nora told Aiden a few things but not much. One thing is she always compared what I did with Ellie to herself. She literally is making herself sick. She feels unloved and sad; everyone could feel her sadness—it soaked in the air.
"I hope she gets better soon," he said before leaving. I sighed, thinking the same thing. She really needs to gain weight and get better because we need to go home. I need to spend time proving she is worthy and beautiful. She is; Aiden says she really is.
I gently woke her and helped her sit up. She thanked me before eating very little again. I really need her to eat because she is so tiny; when we finally have sex, I'm going to break her in half. She pushes her food my way and goes to her chair by the window. Sighing, she sat wrapping the soft blanket around her. She sighs softly as she watches the squirrels.
I watch her wrap a blanket around her body and sit looking at the window. I watch her swallow hard, watching the squirrels run up the trees. She seems so withdrawn; I fucking hate it. Anna is quieter than she used to be. At school she was always smiling and laughing, so this is a huge setback in personality. She is so sad I can feel it increase.
"Anna, are you okay, little one?" I ask, really wanting to know.
"Yeah, I'm fine," she answered, not looking at me. Aiden told me Nora told him her thoughts, and I felt sick knowing she felt not good enough to be with me. She felt not good enough for any wolf. She felt everything with Ellie every time and ran off into the woods to scream and vomit violently. Most times she stood on the edge of the cliff wanting to jump off to end it all. My heart sank. Fuck, I did this to my mate. I fucking destroyed her.
"Want to watch a movie?" I said, smiling at her. She sighed again. I didn't get a smile or her looking at me; she stayed looking out the window before answering.
"Okay," she said, getting up and coming back to bed. It killed me that she looked so down, so drained. I knew she would fall asleep, but I got to hold her, so that was good enough for me. I needed to hold her because it helped me feel somewhat better for now.
I kissed her head and flipped the channels to find us something to watch. I didn't miss the sigh from her or how stiff she was in my arms. She was withdrawn, and I couldn't get through yet, but I won't stop till I do.