Chapter 78 The Truth I Didn't Want

Chapter 78 The Truth I Didn't Want
Daxton's POV

I went home straight away. Mom and Dad, as usual, were not home. 

I slammed the front door harder than I intended. The sound echoed through the empty house.

I was angry. No… I was frustrated. I didn't know exactly. 

For days, I had kept telling myself I was imagining things, but today, when I saw them, everything felt wrong. 

The way they looked at each other. The way Alan held her hand. The way she smiled.

It refused to leave my head.

"What am I supposed to think?" I muttered, throwing my backpack onto the couch.

For weeks, questions had been piling up inside me.

I noticed the way she'd reacted when Emma confessed to Alan.

I noticed how terrified she looked before Alan went behind Emma. 

I noticed she cried the night Alan disappeared. I noticed every small thing. 

Nothing had been missed from my eyes. 

I even noticed she'd become distant after our first date.

She still held my hand. She still hugged me. But every time I tried getting closer...

She gently stepped away. At first, I thought she was nervous. Then I thought she needed time.

Now… I didn't know what to think anymore.

I grabbed the soccer ball lying near the door and kicked it hard against the wall.

Again, and again, and again.

It came flying back every time, just like my thoughts.

"Oh god… I need something to stop thinking." Frustrated, I switched on my PlayStation, and halfway through a match, my phone buzzed.

A series of messages from Milie popped up. I stared at her name for several seconds.

I wanted to answer. God… I wanted to.

But not like this. Not while every emotion inside me was out of control.

I placed the phone face down. "If I talk now… I'll say something I'll regret."

Hours passed, and I didn't realize when I fell asleep until the doorbell woke me. 

"Who can it be?"

I stepped down to reach the door when I realized who it could be.   

My stupid heart made me smile, not wide, but small. 

I opened it. She stood there, holding two coffees; her eyes were swollen, and her lips trembled into a tiny smile.

"I'm sorry."

Just those two words, and every bit of anger I'd been carrying all day loosened.

Not disappeared. Just… lightened.

I folded my arms. "What are you doing here?"

She lifted the paper bag. "I stood in line for forty minutes."

I looked at it. "Brew O Café’s."

A tiny hopeful smile appeared on her face. "I got your favorite coffee."

I nodded once. "Thanks, but don’t feel like drinking."

My voice sounded flatter than I intended. I turned and walked upstairs. She followed me instantly. 

"You know..." she said softly. "I almost dropped these three times."

I didn't respond. 

"I was practicing my apology in the car. I sounded less embarrassed there."

Despite everything… The corner of my mouth almost moved.

Inside my room, she placed the coffees on the desk, and I absentmindedly started rearranging books that didn't need rearranging.

"Dax."

Her voice was barely above a whisper. I didn't answer.

She walked closer and gently caught my chin. "Look at me."

I did. For several seconds, neither of us spoke. Her eyes were already filling again.

"I'm really sorry."

"For what?"

Her lips pout slightly. "I..."

I stepped closer. "So many things happened these past few weeks."

"You became distant."

"You stopped looking at me the same way."

"You disappeared yesterday."

"You went to Alan."

"You hid it from me."

I searched her face. "Tell me what I'm missing."

She didn't say a word, but instead lowered her eyes. My heart pounded louder.

"I'm sorry. Really—"

I reached up to her face and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

She looked back at me.

"God… I love her." 

I smiled sadly. "I've wanted to do this for weeks."

I lifted both hands and gently held her face. She didn't pull away. But she didn't lean closer either.

I searched her eyes again. Today, I need to know the truth. 

"I'm your boyfriend. I shouldn't have to wonder whether kissing you is okay."

My voice cracked.

"Dax, I wanted to— Her voice trembled. Her breathing became uneven.

I slowly leaned closer. Not to force. Not to rush. Just enough to ask without words.

Our foreheads nearly touched. Our noses almost brushed.

She closed her eyes, not because she wanted me to kiss her.

Because she couldn't bear looking at me.

That tiny hesitation answered every question I'd been asking myself.

I stopped immediately and pulled back. My hands slowly fell from her face.

"You don't want this. Do you?"

She opened her eyes and looked at me. A tear had already escaped. Still, she didn't move. 

"Yes, Milie, tell me… Do you?"

Suddenly she broke, and a sob escaped her lips. "I'm sorry."

I stared at her, waiting, praying for her to deny it, but she didn't. 

"I'm so sorry." She covered her face with both hands and knelt. "I tried. I really tried."

"I wanted to. I wanted to love you that way, but I couldn't.

Every word felt like another crack spreading through my chest.

I knelt in front of her. "No, you don't have to apologize."

She shook her head desperately. "I do."

"I've been lying to you, and to myself. 

I swallowed hard. "What are you saying?"

She finally looked at me. Eyes red, voice shaking.

"Dax, I love someone else, and I would never feel like you want me to feel."

I stared at her for a while. Everything inside me shattered. 

I knew she was not lying, but I couldn't accept it. I just couldn't. 

"No..." I whispered. "No."

She cried harder. "I didn't mean for it to happen. I never wanted to hurt you, Dax."

I laughed—a broken laugh. "You'll love me eventually, Milie. You will surely." 

She slowly shook her head, tears rolling down. "I won't, Dax. I won't.

The room suddenly felt too small, too empty.

I couldn't breathe, couldn't think, but one question still lingered. 

I forced myself to ask it. "...Is that someone Alan?"

She froze. She didn't answer. She didn't nod, but that silence said everything.

I closed my eyes. "Please leave."

"Dax… I can explain—" She reached for my hand. I moved it away.

"I said… leave, please."

When she still tried to hold me, I grabbed her wrist and walked her downstairs myself. 

At the front door, she turned once more. "I'm so sorry, Dax."

"Please listen to me once." She sobbed uncontrollably. 

I wished I could wipe her tears as I had always, but I couldn't. I was not in that state. 

And just as I shut the door on her face, my legs gave out. I slid down the wall until I hit the floor.

The house was completely silent, and for the first time in years, I let myself cry.

Not because I'd lost my friend, but because I'd just lost the future I'd spent years dreaming about.

And somehow… That hurt even more. 

Tears cascaded one by one, and for the first time, I didn't wish to stop them.

For the first time, I didn't wish to man up.