Chapter 58 The Terrace
Harper's POV,
The terrace overlooked Elliott Bay, city lights reflecting off dark water. It was beautiful in that expensive Seattle way, the kind of view people paid millions for.
Joel walked to the railing and gripped it with both hands. I stayed near the door, maintaining distance. Escape route close.
"Thank you for talking to me," he said without turning around.
"You have five minutes."
"Right. Five minutes." He finally looked at me. His eyes were red, like he'd been crying or hadn't slept in days. Probably both. "You look good, Harper. Really good. Happy."
"I am happy."
"With him. With Crew." Joel's voice cracked on the name. "The guy I played with in juniors. The guy who hated me for twelve years. You're with him now."
"Yes."
"Is it serious? Or is it just rebound, proving a point, getting back at me?"
I could have lied. Could have told him it was casual, meaningless, temporary. But I was done lying to make Joel feel better.
"It's serious. I love him. We're moving to Vancouver together in a week. I'm opening my clinic. He's playing for the Canucks. We're building a life."
Joel flinched like I'd hit him. "A week. You're leaving in a week."
"Yes."
"So this is it. This is goodbye." He turned fully to face me now. "Harper, I made a mistake. The biggest mistake of my life. I should never have left you. I should never have listened to Richard or my parents or anyone who said being single would be better for my brand. I should have fought for us."
"But you didn't."
"I know. I was weak and scared and stupid. But I'm saying it now. I'm telling you now that I was wrong." He took a step closer. I took a step back. "I don't love Brianna. I'm marrying her because she's pregnant and it's the right thing to do, but I don't love her. I love you. I've always loved you."
The words should have meant something. Six months ago, they would have destroyed me. Three months ago, they would have felt like vindication.
Now they just made me tired.
"Joel, do you know why I agreed to come to your rehearsal dinner? To your wedding?"
"To rub my face in the fact that you moved on?"
"No. To prove to myself that I actually have moved on. That seeing you doesn't hurt anymore. That I can be in the same room as you and feel nothing except relief that I got out." I crossed my arms. "And you know what? It worked. Because standing here listening to you say you love me, all I feel is sad. Sad for you. Sad for Brianna. Sad for ten years we wasted on something that was never going to work."
"It could have worked. If I hadn't been a coward—"
"No, Joel. It couldn't have." I moved to the railing, looking out at the water instead of at him. "You want to know the truth? The real truth about why we never would have made it?"
"Yes."
"Because you never saw me as an equal partner. You saw me as support staff. I moved cities for you. I postponed my career for you. I made myself smaller so you could be bigger. And you never once asked if that's what I wanted. You just assumed I'd keep following you forever because that's what I'd always done."
"That's not fair—"
"It's completely fair. Name one time you put my career ahead of yours. One time you said 'Harper has an opportunity in this city, so we're staying even though I got traded.' One time you centered my needs instead of your own." I looked at him. "You can't. Because it never happened."
He was quiet.
"I loved you for ten years, Joel. But I loved a version of you I'd created in my head. The version who was going to eventually choose me. Who was going to eventually put us first. Who was going to eventually become the partner I needed." I felt my voice get thick but pushed through it. "And you were never going to become that person. Because you loved your career more than you loved me. Which is fine. People are allowed to choose ambition. But I'm also allowed to choose someone who actually chooses me back."
"Crew chooses you."
"Yes. Every day. Even when it's hard. Even when I'm difficult. Even when choosing me means making sacrifices." I turned back to the water. "He went to rehab and got clean and faced his addiction because he wanted to be better for himself AND for us. You couldn't even go to couples therapy because it conflicted with your training schedule."
Joel leaned against the railing beside me. Not touching, just existing in the same space.
"I'm miserable," he said quietly. "I'm getting married tomorrow to someone I don't love. Having a baby I'm not ready for. Living a life I don't want. And the woman I actually love is moving to another country with someone else. I'm completely miserable."
"I know."
"And you don't care."
"I care. But not the way you want me to. I care the way you care about someone you used to know. Someone who made choices that hurt both of you. Someone you hope finds happiness eventually, but not with you." I looked at him. "Joel, I forgive you. For the breakup, for the cheating, for Brianna, for all of it. I forgive you because holding onto anger was destroying me. But forgiving you doesn't mean I want you back."
"What if I divorced Brianna? After the baby's born. What if I got my shit together and came to Vancouver and proved I could be the partner you deserve?"
"Then I'd tell you I'm already with someone who doesn't need to prove he can be a good partner. Because he already is one." I pushed off the railing. "Joel, I spent ten years waiting for you to choose me. I'm done waiting. I'm done being someone's backup plan or future possibility. Crew chose me from the beginning. Messy, broken, revenge-plotting me. And he kept choosing me even when it was hard."
"So that's it. We're done. Forever."
"We were done the moment you proposed to someone else. This is just me saying goodbye out loud."
Joel's face crumpled. He actually started crying, quiet tears that he tried to wipe away quickly. "I'm so sorry, Harper. For everything. You deserved so much better than what I gave you."
"I know. And I finally believe it. That's the difference."
"I hope he makes you happy. Really. I know I don't have the right to hope for anything, but I hope Crew makes you happy."
"He does. Even when we're struggling. Even when everything's hard. He makes me happy." I headed for the door. "Goodbye, Joel. I hope you figure out how to be happy too. Maybe not with Brianna, maybe not playing hockey. But somehow. I genuinely hope that for you."
"Harper—"
I stopped at the door but didn't turn around.
"For what it's worth, you were the best thing that ever happened to me. And I'm an idiot for not realizing it until it was too late."
"Yeah," I said. "You are."
I walked back inside without looking back.
The dining room felt too bright after the dark terrace. Too loud. Too full of people pretending everything was fine.
Crew saw me immediately. He was on his feet before I reached the table, his expression asking a thousand questions.
"I'm okay," I said.
"You're crying."
I touched my face. He was right. Tears I hadn't noticed were sliding down my cheeks.
"I'm okay," I repeated. "It's just... a lot. Can we sit for a minute?"
He guided me back to our seats. Todd and the others at our table were suddenly very interested in their drinks, giving us the illusion of privacy.
Crew held my hand, running his thumb across my knuckles. Not asking questions. Just being there.
"He said he loves me," I whispered. "He asked if I'd take him back if he divorced Brianna."
Crew went still. "What did you say?"
"I said no. I told him I'm with you. That I'm happy with you. That I'm done waiting for him to choose me because you already did."
The tension left his shoulders. "Okay."
"You're not upset? That he said he loves me?"
"Why would I be upset? He DOES love you. He's just an idiot who realized it too late." Crew lifted my hand to his lips, kissing my knuckles. "Harper, I'm not threatened by Joel. I'm not worried you're going to suddenly change your mind and run back to him. Because I know you. And I know you meant what you said about choosing me."
"I did mean it."
"Then we're fine. Better than fine." He smiled slightly. "How do you feel? Now that you've had the closure conversation?"
I thought about it. Really thought about it.
"Sad. Relieved. Free." I wiped my eyes with my free hand. "I wasted so much time with him, Crew. Ten years. I could have been building my clinic. Living my own life. But I spent a decade being Joel's support system instead."
"You didn't waste it. You learned from it. That's different."
"Don't try to make this a growth opportunity—" I started.
"I'm not. I'm just saying that the Harper I met three months ago wouldn't have told Joel no. She would have considered it. Probably would have said she needed time to think about it. But you didn't. You told him immediately that you're done. That's not wasted time. That's evolution."
I leaned my head on his shoulder. "When did you become so wise?"
"Therapy. Also fear of losing you. Very motivating combination."
We sat like that for a while, letting the noise of the party wash over us. Joel hadn't come back inside yet. Brianna was talking to her mother near the windows, looking exhausted.
"Should we leave?" Crew asked. "We've been here almost two hours. That's respectable."
"Soon. I just need a few more minutes."
"Take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere."
But before we could leave, Brianna broke away from her mother and started walking toward our table. Her expression was determined, nervous, resolute all at once.
"Oh god," I muttered. "Here we go."
Crew tensed beside me. "You want me to—"
"No. I can handle this." I stood up as Brianna reached us.
"Harper." Her voice was quiet. "Can I talk to you? Please? Just for a minute."
I looked at Crew. He gave me the same small nod he'd given me before the Joel conversation. Your choice. I trust you.
"Okay," I said to Brianna. "Let's talk."
She led me toward an alcove near the fireplace, away from the main crowd. Private but not isolated.
And whatever she had to say, I was ready to hear it.
Because tonight wasn't about Joel anymore.
It was about closing every door to my past so I could walk through new ones.
Even the doors I didn't know were still open.