Chapter Nineteen

Angela A few days passed, and I did my best to avoid Ben. Now that I knew our parents were going to get married, it changed things. Majorly. I didn’t know if he knew already since Dad had said Ben met with Dad and his mom before. Did Ben know? Did Dad mention he had a daughter who happened to be a professor at his school?

I wasn’t sure he did, and that just made it worse, because I didn’t want to be the one to tell him that we were going to be stepbrother and sister soon.

Avoiding him wasn’t all that easy. Especially on the days, I had a class with him. I arrived early for class and left as soon as I was done with the lecture, then went and hid in the faculty lounge. I was too afraid to even spend time in my office, in case he went looking for me there. I was lost, and I didn’t know what to say to him. How do you tell your lover that you’re about to be step-siblings? It made my eyes roll and made me shiver just to think about it.

Somehow, I managed to avoid him completely. I managed to avoid him so well, I had to wonder where all the good luck suddenly came from. I thought I’d suddenly become a master at avoidance up until the point where I arrived at my apartment and walked inside. It didn’t take long to figure out there was already someone inside. There were shoes left by the door, men’s shoes. Ben’s shoes. I hurried inside, and found Ben in my bedroom, sitting at my desk.

For a moment, I could only stare. It was late evening, but the sun hadn't gone down yet. The window was behind him with the curtain open, and the fading sunlight hit his dark blond hair and made it glow just as it slanted over his beautiful hazel eyes. He had on a serious expression as he read something on my computer monitor.

“What are you doing here?” I blurted out, surprised.

His eyes rose to mine, before going back to my laptop, that he had open.

“It’s been hard getting through to you at school, and you haven’t returned my texts or calls since the weekend. I was worried.”

“But how did you get into my apartment?”

His eyes rose again, and he leaned back in the chair, staring at me with arched eyebrows.

“You don’t need to worry about that.”

“Except I do,” I retorted with heat in my words. “I don’t remember giving you a key to this place, so how did you get in?”

“Did you not want to see me?” He countered.

I pursed my lips but said nothing. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see him. Seeing him in my house made me realize that I’d missed him. I was also surprised it took him this long to come to my place. I didn’t think if he showed up on his own, that I really would have left him standing outside my doorstep.

“Besides, isn’t this better?” He continued. “If I came and waited for you outside, people would see me. That worries you, doesn’t it?”

His voice sounded just a tad resentful, but he was right. It would have been worse if he was waiting outside my apartment. I didn’t know any of my neighbors personally, but I didn't want them to talk, and what if they had ties to the school that I didn’t know about? Having one person know and blackmail me over our little secret was more than enough.

“What are you doing?” I asked, feeling resigned. “Don’t even think about staying, Ben. You need to leave, now.”

I walked forward. I didn’t know what I was going to do. Ben was bigger and heavier than me, so it wasn’t like I could drag him out, but I wasn’t quite ready to face him yet. I couldn’t just tell him that we couldn’t keep seeing each other, I could feel my throat start to ache at just the thought of telling him, so I kept my mouth shut on the matter. Seeing him wouldn’t make things any easier for me, though.

Then, I noticed what he was looking at.

“Ben! What the hell!”

My computer had a password, and while it was something completely simple, so I wouldn’t forget, I didn’t know how Ben managed to unlock it. I didn’t give him the password, and it was impossible that he would know me so well after only a few weeks together, when we spent most of our time rolling in between, or on top of, the sheets.

Was it a lucky guess?

Anyway, the problem was that I noticed he’d opened a document on my computer. He was reading chapters from my book.

He shrugged his shoulders, unconcerned. “I got bored waiting for you; then I remembered you saying you’d written a book and it was in your computer. I wanted to take a look, and I guessed your password.”

“Even if you guessed it, it’s still a breach of privacy! You didn’t ask before deciding to read it!”

I pressed the laptop closed, and his eyes widened. His relaxed body suddenly stiffened, and only then did he seem to realize that he might have done something wrong.

“I’m sorry for just coming in and making myself at home, but you weren’t replying to me, and I didn’t know what went wrong. Did I do something to annoy you?”

I looked at his slightly frowning face. He was confused, wondering why I’d changed all of a sudden. I felt helpless, and in the next moment, I felt a little angry.

If he hadn't sent that text to me by accident, if he had just ignored it when we both found out who was on the other end of the phone, then I wouldn’t have to deal with any of this right now.

“Leave,” I muttered, body trembling. “Get the fuck out, Ben. I don’t want to deal with you right now. Also, you should stop showing up at my place when you feel like it. This is my home, not yours.”

Ben looked startled. He slowly stood up and took a step toward me, but I quickly backed up, and he froze.

“Angela? What is it?”

I felt like crying, but I covered it up with a sneer. “None of this has anything to do with you. My life is none of your business, Ben. You’re just my student, and I should never have allowed things to get beyond that.”

“What the hell are you talking about?” He said, sounding agitated. He took another step closer, and I backed away again. It seemed to make him angry. “Everything was just fine after last weekend, so what the hell is this? Angela, tell me you’re joking right now.”

“This isn’t funny, though. You’re too young for me in the first place.”

“I’m still an adult,” he countered, a note of desperation in his voice now.

I scoffed, although I really wanted to make the hurt in his eyes go away. I had to end this, because of our parents, because of his ex-girlfriend, for my future. The pained confusion in his eyes tore a hole in my soul, but I couldn’t stop. I had to make him hurt so much he wouldn’t come back.

“Yeah, but you’re what, around twenty-one? So, you just became legal to drink alcohol this year, right? Well, I’m thirty-five, that’s a fourteen-year difference, Ben. And you’re not my type, to begin with. The only reason I went along with you was that I didn’t want you to report me to the school!”

That seemed to affect him, his whole body went still as his eyes widened. He stared at me for the longest moment, and as I panted lightly for breath, I felt regret and the hole grow bigger. He didn’t give me a chance to do anything about it.

“If that’s what you feel, then fine,” he muttered, eyebrows coming down in a frown. “Don’t worry, professor. I promised not to tell anyone, so I won't. I won't be bothering you, either.”

He sneered at me, then headed for the door. I watched him walk out of my bedroom, and suddenly, my legs felt weak. I moved over to the bed before shakily falling on top of it. I wanted to just disappear and forget the pain that felt as if it would tear me apart.

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Long empty days filled with anxiety, regret, and pain passed by with no relief in sight. Nothing helped, and all I wanted to do was call Ben back and apologize, to beg him to come back to me. I stopped one day and thought, I can't do this anymore, I can’t take it.

After thinking it over, I went to the Dean to explain that my aunt was sick, and I wanted to take some time off so I could go visit her. It was a total lie, but he didn’t need to know the truth. After getting permission, I left the school.

Ben tried to call and left me a few messages. I did listen to the voicemails, apologies for the argument, for breaking into my apartment and intruding on my privacy. He asked me to call him back, but I didn’t.

Then, I got a text, and it had me shaking with confused emotions and indecision.

“I know about your dad; it’s not an issue. Please, talk to me.”

I stared at the words for a long moment but went back to ignoring him. I went back to ignoring my own wishes.