Chapter 38

By the end of the day,I was completely drained.If I had to shake one more hand or hear one more person tell me how sorry they were for my loss,I thought I might have lost my mind.It wasn’t that I was ungrateful,it was just that many more people attended than we had expected.

The number of my friends from school,kids I knew well and some I barely spoke with,surprised me.It was a school day,but apparently the administration made an exception.In fact,it seemed like the entire town showed up.There were so many people,we ran out of chairs.Luckily,everyone was agreeable and nobody minded standing.

It was late when Jeff pulled into the hotel parking lot.I was reluctant to go inside,even with feeling so drained.Sitting quietly with him in the truck was all I wanted to do.He grabbed my hand.

A little surprised,I raised my eyes to meet his and blushed at the intensity in them.He stroked my hand with his thumb and my pulse sped up.

“You okay?”he asked.

I looked at our hands and nodded.I was more than okay.This was…amazing.Until he pulled away his hand as if he’d been burned.

Don’t read anything into things tonight,I warned myself.

Clearing my throat,I turned to him.“Thank you…so much.For today.I don’t think I could have made it without you.”My voice sounded rough to my ears.Tired.

“You’re stronger than you think,Aaron.But you’re welcome.Of course,I was there.I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”

“There were some really nice things said about my mom today.You mentioning her homemade chocolate chip cookies was one of my favorite things.”

Jeff shrugged.“She made awesome cookies.Your mom is…was…”He blanched and rubbed his hands across his eyes.“I’m sorry.She was a pretty great woman.”

I squeezed his shoulder,letting him know I understood the slip of tongue.Hell,I couldn’t count the times over the last couple of days I had referred to my mom in the present tense.It was going to take some time to stop doing that.“Yeah,she was.I can’t believe how many people showed up,can you?”

He tilted his head.“Of course I can.I think when violence ends in murder,it affects those around you.Our town isn’t that big and a lot of people knew your mom.Think about how active she was in PTA and in your sister’s school activities.”

“True.When I was younger,she was just as involved in my school things.”I smiled at the memories.“I think she was the room mother in at least three of my classes in elementary school.”I chuckled.“I thought she did it to embarrass me,but I’m sure she really just wanted to be near me.”Tears threatened to fall again and I shook my head.I had cried enough.And my mom would want me to be strong for Pamela.“I better get inside.”

“You sure you can’t come back to my house tonight?”Jeff asked,his eyes locked on mine.He looked…wistful.

I shook my head.“I need to be with my family tonight.We have a lot to talk about.”

“Yeah.What about tomorrow?We need to go to the station and meet with the detective.Do you want me to pick you up?”

I beamed.“That would be great.My grandparents are going,too.And Pamela.”I glanced at the hotel and sighed.“It could be a very long day,though.”

“Yeah,but at least we’ll be able to hang out together.”

He was right.We still had a lot to figure out with the way things were changing,and tomorrow wouldn’t allow time for that,but at least we’d spend the day together.

When Jeff picked me up,I grinned and climbed into the truck.

“Hey,”I said,feeling a little shy.When I’d finally had a chance to relax the night before,Pamela’s words about Jeff had come back to me,playing in my mind all night.I was more confused than ever.

“Hey,”he said back,a smile playing at his lips.

Well,so much for deep conversation.I felt really nervous,and for the first time,really examined our situation.Was it really possible to go from best friends to…more?I narrowed my eyes and stared at him.Could my mom and Pamela be right?

“Aaron?”Jeff squeezed my hand.“Listen,I’m here for you.Whatever you need.”

I exhaled a whoosh of air.“Thanks.I just need to…focus on today.My sister is so sad.Crying again this morning.”I sighed and he squeezed my hand again before dropping it and putting the truck into DRIVE.“I’m worried about her.My grandparents want her to see a therapist.”I gave him a sidelong glance,unsure how he would react to my next statement.“They…um…they want me to go,too.”

“My mom also mentioned that this morning.Grief counselors can really help people with a loss.She said she saw one after my dad died.I was a baby,so I obviously don’t remember.”

My chest tightened and my gut flipped.He seemed to understand.My heart fluttered,but my focus had to be on my family and getting through the next twenty-four hours.

“Yeah,well,they’re going to take Pamela home with them this week and get her enrolled in school there.”

“What about you?I mean,you’re finishing here,right?”

“My grandparents want to talk to your mom,if that’s okay.Since Mom…died…”I swallowed over the hard lump in my throat.“Circumstances are different.Originally,once my mom had been released,she was going to go live with them,and then we were going to figure things out after I graduated.”

“Figure what out?”he asked,his eyebrows raised.

“Well,like what we would do with the house.If I was going away to college.Where I would live…”

“You’re staying with me!”he declared,louder than I expected.

“But what about the summer?”

“My mom already said you can stay the summer.And we can figure out college.”

I breathed in deeply and let it out fast.“Um,about college…I’m not sure if that’s in the cards for me.”

The truck jerked as he turned to look at me.“What do you mean?”

“I have to help with Pamela.I can’t leave everything to my grandparents.They’re taking on another mouth to feed and I’m sure that’s going to be hard on them,since they’re both retired.”I’d been thinking about this for the last couple of days.Pamela was my responsibility.Not theirs.After all,I was eighteen.