Chapter 39
“Your mom would want you to go to college,Aaron.”
He was correct,but it wasn’t about me anymore.I had to do what was right.“Can we table this until later,Jeff?”I was being a coward,but I didn’t care.It was too much to deal with right now.I didn’t want to argue with him when I needed all my energy to focus on getting through the day.
“Sure,”he said.We drove in awkward silence for a while before he spoke again.“Are you going back to school tomorrow?”
I shrugged.“I’m not sure.There’s so much to decide and honestly”—my voice hitched and I cleared my throat—”I’m just not sure of anything.”
“I get that.I’m going back tomorrow.And I have to work tomorrow night.”
Funny how other people’s lives continued even when your own is in tatters.My friends were attending school,thinking about graduation and prom,and I was getting ready to talk to detectives about the fact that my father killed my mom.Would my life ever return to some semblance of normal?
When I did go back to school,whether the next day or the one after,everyone would know that I’d come out.It was all just too much.My chest tightened and I flashed on my father telling me to“man up”and“get over it.”Fuck.I didn’t need him in my thoughts.
I gripped my hands together and closed my eyes,but it didn’t help.My breathing became uneven and I felt the world tilt.What the hell?I opened my eyes,but everything looked dark.Gray.
“Aaron!Breathe,Aaron!”
Was that Jeff?I couldn’t quite make him out—the voice sounded like it was coming through a tunnel.Fire ripped through my lungs and I clutched my chest,gasping for air.I felt like a fish flopping around on the dock.Why couldn’t I breathe?Why couldn’t I see clearly?
“Dammit,Aaron!Breathe!”
Hands gripped my shoulders and a cool breeze swirled against my face.I inhaled deeply and felt sweet air fill my lungs.
“That’s it,Aaron.Take another one.”
I closed my eyes and followed directions.Breathe in.Breathe out.The burning sensation in my lungs ebbed and my chest stopped hurting.Still trembling,I opened my eyes and tried to focus.My eyes widened when I saw my door was open and Jeff leaning in from outside the truck.A quick glance told me he had parked on the side of the highway.
“What…”I breathed in deeply again.“What happened?”
“I think you had a panic attack.”
Shit.It felt like a fuckin’heart attack.My world finally came into full focus and I found Jeff’s face only inches from mine,his skin pale and his eyes full of concern.I leaned forward until our brows pressed together and I closed my eyes again.
“Fuck.I’ve never felt anything like that before.I thought I was dying,”I admitted.
He cupped the back of my neck.“So did I.Scared the crap out of me.”
My heart finally quit slamming into my rib cage and I gripped his arm.“Thanks for helping me.God,I’m a fucking mess.”So much for manning up
“You’re fine,now.You’re dealing with a lot.Let’s just take things one day at a time and we’ll get your life figured out,okay?”
His grin acted like a balm to my chaotic thoughts.He was right.My life would get figured out.And he really was here for me.I would be okay.I nodded,the lump in my throat preventing the words I wanted to say.He patted me on the shoulder and stepped back to close the door.In less than a minute,we were back on the road.
Eventually,Jeff pulled into a space at the City Hall parking lot,keeping the truck idling.“You ready to do this?”
I shrugged.Even if I wasn’t,it didn’t matter.It had to be done.I’d been able to compartmentalize my feelings about my father since the night of the attack,keeping him out of my day-to-day life,but I couldn’t do that now.Hell,he was the star of the day.Everything was going to revolve around him.Just like he’d always wanted.
“My grandpa talked with Officer Dyer and he said that today we’ll go over our statements and meet with the prosecutor.Pamela and my grandparents won’t be here until later.”
“Yeah,Officer Dyer called me,too.”That didn’t surprise me,but what Jeff said next did.“He,um…he thinks I’m your boyfriend.”
Memories of that night came back.“Yeah,he assumed so the night…the night it happened.”
“I didn’t correct him because I didn’t want us to get in trouble.I hope that’s okay,”he said a little sheepishly.His blush looked adorable.
I raised an eyebrow.“Why would we get in trouble?”
“Remember?He let me take your sister with us when we went to the hospital that night?He thought it would be okay,even though I wasn’t a relative.”
I twisted my lips as I tried to remember,but the events blurred together.I believed Jeff,though.“Okay.I won’t blow our cover.”
He turned off the engine.“So,we’re partners in crime?”
I laughed and climbed out of the truck.“Partners in crime.”