Chapter 31

I looked at him,incredulous.“He just proved I embarrass him!He can’t handle me being gay!”

Jon shook his head.“I think you’re completely misreading the situation,Aaron.”

“How?You saw him!He was horrified that we were touching…that we were going to…well,maybewe were going to…”I looked away.Maybe I had misread Jon’s signals,but not Jeff’s.

“No maybe about it,Aaron.I was going to kiss you.”He laughed.“Not now,though.”

I glanced back at him.“Why not?”

“Why make it harder on myself?You’re completely in love with another guy.It was all over your face back there.If he can’t see it,he’s an idiot.”

Horrified,I felt the blood drain from my face.“Fuck,do you think he knows?”I dropped my head into my hands,fighting the urge to vomit.

“Breathe,Aaron,”Jon whispered as he softly rubbed circles on my upper back.“I’m not sure if he could tell,but I could.It’s time for you to confront your feelings.If he doesn’t feel that way,you need to move forward.”

A life without Jeff?My head spun and a cold sweat broke out all over my skin.He wasimportant to me.I cared about him more than anyone else in the world.And I couldn’t see my future without him.Oh,God,I do love him!“I’m so screwed,”I cried.

And then,just like that,I poured out my entire story to Jon.

Funny,but by the time we left the park,I felt almost cleansed.Like I was starting anew.Nothing hidden.My life was open now.Iwas open now.Open to possibilities and change.Open to the chance of love.Open to talking things over with Jeff.While I knew Jeff didn’t return my feelings,I also knew we needed to hash things out.

“Thanks,Jon,”I told him as I climbed out of the car in front of Jeff’s house.“You have no idea what you’ve done for me.”

Jon smiled.“Good luck,Aaron.Call or text if you need anything.I’m heading back home tomorrow,but keep in touch.I’ll be back this summer—I’m staying with Kevin for at least a month.”

“Sounds good.Thanks again.”

I closed the door and walked past Jeff’s truck in the driveway.I looked at the dark house,slipped the phone out of my pocket,and clicked it off silent.Shit.Twelve missed calls from Jeff and three more texts.

Answer the fucking phone!

Call me!

Where are you????

I sighed.Ignoring him had notbeen the right thing to do.Scrubbing my hand over the top of my head,I wondered what I would say.Even if he was embarrassed of me and wanted to push me away,we still needed to talk.

As I opened the front door and stepped inside,I tried to be as quiet as possible.The last thing I wanted to do was wake up Jeff’s mom.

When I reached his room,I found the door closed.I paused,considered knocking,but then anger rose up.I’d been invited to live here—even if he hated me,I wouldn’t be afraid to enter the bedroom!

The knob turned and I was glad to see he hadn’t locked it—maybe there was hope.Hope for what,though?Was I hoping he wouldn’t abandon me?Hoping he gave me time to find a place?Or hoping we could mend this rift?

Jeff lay on the bed,his back to me,so I couldn’t tell if he was awake.Remembering how horrified he’d been earlier,I assumed he was sleeping now or he’d have yelled at me when I walked in.Not sure if I welcomed the reprieve or not,I stripped to my boxers and plugged in my phone,setting it on the nightstand.Anger,confusion,and desperation warred inside me,swirling into a mass of anxiety.

I walked around the bed and carefully crawled under the blankets,then let myself breathe after a quick glance told me Jeff’s eyes were closed.I rolled away from him and curled up,emotions coming to a head as the night’s events caught up with me.

I tried to stay silent and pondered the loss of my best friend.I don’t think I’d ever felt so alone.Disappointing my father had been a normal occurrence,so I’d never been close enough to him to feel a loss like this.And even when my mom went to the hospital,Jeff had been there for me,saving me from being alone.

A sob tore through me,ripping from out of my chest,and I buried my face in my pillow.Another sob followed and I tightened my grip on the bedding.

Suddenly,Jeff pulled me against him.

“What are you doing?”I choked out.

He cradled my head with one arm,while his other wrapped around my waist.“I’m so sorry,Aaron,”he whispered,his breath grazing my ear.

I shivered and tried to move,but he tightened his grip.“No.You’re not running away again.”His voice sounded rough,almost as if he had been—holy shit,he’d been crying!

When I tried to roll over to face him,he held tight.

“Can you just…not look at me for a minute?While I get this out?Please?”

“Yes,”I whispered in the dark,my body still.

Jeff sniffled and absently began making figure eights on my skin,just above my waist,with his finger.I ignored the sensation,as much as I could,anyway.My cock wasn’t so smart,instead perking up,and I hoped Jeff wouldn’t notice.

The silence stretched out and I wasn’t sure what to do or say.Was he waiting for me?I was so confused—so sure he hated me and yet,he was holding me in what could only be described as a death grip.

“Jeff?”

“Sorry.I’m not sure how to say this.”

I braced for what could be coming,my body tensing.“Just say it.Get it out,please.”

He exhaled hard,his breath whooshing past my ear.“I’m sorry about tonight.I…I couldn’t stand to see you with Jon.But it wasn’t because of what you think.”

My heart thudded so hard against my breastbone,I wondered if I’d see it if I looked down,but I stayed still and held my breath.

“I was…am…jealous of Jon.”

“What about Jon?I didn’t hear you—”I tried to roll again and he held tight.

“Wait,”he said,flattening his hand on my stomach.“I know you have the right to date anyone you want,and I’m not surprised he likes you.Shit,you’re so smart and genuine and—”

“I can barely hear anything you’re saying.”This time,I did roll over.I pulled out of his arms and turned.The moonlight filtering through the blinds was enough to see that Jeff’s eyes were puffy from crying and his skin was blotchy.Without thinking,I cupped his cheek.“Why were you crying?”

He looked away,but his lashes twinkled with tears.Was he upset I’d left the party?

My phone buzzed,breaking my train of thought.Who would be calling after midnight?I reached over Jeff to grab it and my heartbeat sped up when I saw it was my grandpa’s number.

Worried,I pressed the button.“Grandpa?”

Silence on the other end made me bolt upright.Jeff sat up also,concern etched in his face.

“Grandpa?What’s wrong?”My voice rose as possibilities ran through my head.Pamela was hurt or sick.Grandma had a heart attack.Mom…oh,shit.Mom.