Chapter 134 BODY VS HEART

Chapter 134 BODY VS HEART
MICAH'S POV

I am to create space for him to shine, and underperform, or else.
I still haven't decided just how far I'm willing to go to buy his silence though.

Everytime I think about how I would be intentionally missing a rotation, or not playing with my all, my stomach turns on itself and I feel sick instantly.

I don't know how I'm going to do it.
Basketball is practically my life, and now he's asking me for this?

It feels all too familiar to me, like I'm letting someone else write my story direction for me once again.

I'm too much of a coward to do anything, so I avoid Dante for as much as my schedule will allow it.
One look at me, and he'll know something is up, and I'm trying to avoid that.

It doesn't work.
After another day of film study, I wait behind with the excuse that I want to watch a film sequence of my plays, as the room empties itself out.

I wait till I'm sure everyone's gone, before standing and slowly packing my bag up, when the door opens and closes on its own.

When I raise my head even though I can already feel who it is, Dante stands there with an unreadable expression, directly blocking the door.

“Max has been talking and acting more snarky than usual,” he says simply.

My pulse kicks, but I tamp it down instantly. “I can handle Max.”

He tilts his head slowly.
“I know you think that.”

He pushes himself off the door, and comes closer to me, not crowding me, but not freeing my path either.

“He made a snarky comment in the weight room that made me pause. Then he said another thing after a shoot around. When he said another thing for the third time, it made me almost sure. Why did you not tell me Micah? You know he's saying all that to test how far he can push you before you snap?”

“I said I can handle it!”
My voice snaps out more tersely than I intended.
“I don't need you stepping in now, Dante.”

Dante says nothing, but just studies me hard for a long second as the air quietly becomes charged from how intently he's staring at me.

This would be our first conversation in days.

“I already did it.”

The words fall like pebbles in the ocean. “Hmm?”

“I said I've handled it. I told him if I heard one more nasty rumor about you popping off once more, I'll make sure the only thing the scouts remember about him is the way he folded weakly in the last two games last season. With how astute he is, I'm sure he got the message.”

Hot anger, and something that dangerously looks like relief both collide inside my chest.
“You had… No right!”
“I had every right, and reason to.” He says calmly, overlooking my outburst.

I can detect a rough edge in his otherwise calm voice.
“You ended things between us, and I heard you. I don't understand why, or understand you for doing so, but I heard and respected your decision. But that doesn't mean I'll just stand by and watch someone as dense as Max threaten you, not on my watch!”

He exhales sharply, looks away and closes his eyes before inhaling loudly, like he's holding himself back.

I want to be absolutely mad and furious at him.
Part of me is. But the other part of me, the traitorous and disobedient part–

The one that stretches and reaches out in the dark only to each out to an empty bed, feels how protective this is.

My body still remembers the safety and certainty Dante provides in his big arms, even while my head is screaming at me that this is how I'll lose control once again.

The frustration that's been growing and building up for days suddenly spikes really hard inside of me.
I hate that his voice still somehow affects me!

I hate that things between us still feel so charged up and hot no matter how much I pretend otherwise!

I hate how much I notice the exact way his throat moves when he swallows with annoyance!

“You don't get to decide what threats I can handle or not .” I tell him. “You can't just barge in and rearrange things behind my back and call it ‘protection’. That's the whole reason I ended things in the first place!”

Dante’s jaw goes tense, and I spit a muscle ticking from it, but he says nothing.
For a small moment, I think he's just going to shut it all out and grow quiet in the same way he's been doing for days now .

But he doesn't. Instead, he only steps closer, making me hyper aware of how close his body is to mine.

“As much as it disappoints me to disobey you, I cannot stand by and watch you carry it all alone.” He says calmly.

The honesty in his hoarse tone is raw, and… bare.

“You want independence and for the thing between us to be over? Dobe. I don't want it, but I'll do whatever you want. But Max will not get to use you as some kind of punching bag or whatever blackmail I'm sure he's already threatened you of.”

“So don't ask me to pretend, Micah. Don't ask me to act indifferent when someone tries to go or act against you when I'm there. I won't do it, Micah. That's one thing I won't obey, even if you hate me for it.”

The air in the room suddenly starts growing tight as my heart is beating too fast.

The fear of what may happen, coupled with the fear of the past repeating itself, and the fear of wanting someone that takes up an important space in my life so bad–

They all crash together in my mind.
Underneath it all, is an insistent and traitorous heat that won't seem to leave me alone no matter the number of cold showers I take.