Chapter 35
“You want me to stay with you?” Caleb’s eyebrows lift.
I swear my heart comes to a complete stop as I wait for him to answer. I’m not used to being vulnerable like this. With anyone, ever. Much less a man– albeit a freaking stunningly gorgeous man– that I have known for such a short period of time.
*God, Bree, talk about being clingy*.
I swallow hard, trying to push down my awkward embarrassment. Just because we have fooled around a few times doesn’t mean he is going to want to spend the night with me. It’s not like last night was on purpose. This is what happens when you spend basically your entire adult life in an unhealthy relationship. I am such an idiot.
“I’m sorry, that was really forward of me,” I begin.
“Bree, I–” he cuts me off, then hesitates, “We really need to talk about what just happened.”
My mind is still so bogged down, swirling with everything that I have experienced and seen tonight, I feel like talking about it will be the thing that pushes me over the edge from completely freaking out to having a complete psychotic break. I swear I can already feel my sanity slipping.
“Can talking wait until morning? Tonight has been… a lot. I don’t think I can handle talking about it yet. I promise we can talk in the morning, I’m just not ready yet.” I rub my hands over my face, and a hint of the desperation that is overwhelming me seeps into my voice. Caleb sighs and his shoulders drop.
“Of course,” he says gently, “I can’t even imagine what must be going through your head right now. But tomorrow morning, we really need to talk about all of this.”
“Tomorrow,” I promise, “Thank you, Caleb.” With the sweet relief of being let off the hook for anymore thinking tonight, the last of the adrenaline leaves me, and exhaustion hits me hard, sapping the little remaining energy from my limbs as my eyelids grow heavy.
I open the door and step into the room, making my way to the bed, already dreaming about collapsing into it and letting the sweet oblivion of sleep overtake me. I glance over my shoulder to see Caleb standing awkwardly in the doorway, and if I wasn’t so exhausted, it would be hilarious to see him so out of sorts. His mouth opens and closes a few times, and I tilt my head as I look at him, a bit curious as to what has him all bothered. Finally, he speaks.
“Do… Do you really want me to stay with you tonight?” I can’t read his tone, and it makes me more than a little unsure of myself. I could tell him that I didn’t really mean it, that I am just really messed up tonight. I really don’t want to be alone, though. I want to ignore all of the shit that is going down, and curl up surrounded by the inexplicable comfort that only Caleb brings me. So, dammit, I am going to just be honest and let the chips fall where they may.
“Yes,” I tell him bluntly, “But only if you want to.”
“I want to,” he says just a bit too quickly, “I just need to clean up and bandage a couple of these cuts first.”
Another wave of relief, mixed with something else that I don’t want to look too closely at just yet, sweeps over me, and I give him a nod and a smile.
“Do you want any help with the bandaging? I am a nurse, you know,” I tease a little.
“I think I’ve got it under control,” he smirks, “I am a doctor, you know.”
My eyes narrow. “Yeah, a psychiatrist. When was the last time you actually bandaged a patient?”
His expression tells me that I am right about it having been a very long while, but still he confesses, “Med school.”
I snort out a laugh, thankful that the heavy mood that has been lingering tonight has lifted a little. Caleb leaves to go shower with a mumbled be right back, and I take the chance to change out of my jeans, and slip back into the shirt he let me borrow last night, along with my own now-dry sweatpants I brought with me initially. It is just now that I realize that the entire trip to my apartment was for nothing, since none of my belongings made it back with me. I silently groan, and wonder if it would be worth it to just cut my losses and buy an all-new wardrobe. I mean, do I really need all of my sentimental stuff anyway?
I climb into bed, and I swear that it is somehow even more comfortable than it was last night. I am getting way too spoiled staying here. I’m going to be in for a rough time when I have to go back to my shitty mattress on the floor; although, I suppose I can afford to buy a real bed now. If I will ever be able to stay in one place long enough for that, since apparently Andrew is determined to put an end to me one way or another.
I shove my eyes closed and attempt to think about something else–anything else– before I start thinking about seeing him tonight, and everything that followed after. Tomorrow. I will deal with that whole hot mess tomorrow. Everything always seems more manageable after a good night of sleep.
The sound of a door creaking open reaches my ears, and I tense, jerking my head toward the noise, only to see Caleb sliding into the room.
“I’m sorry, did I scare you?” He crosses the room toward me with a look of genuine concern on his face. Yet again, he’s in nothing but low-slung sweatpants, his chest bare, and I find myself having to swallow a few times before I can even form an answer.
“I’m just a little bit jumpy,” I say.
“Understandable,” he says, “I know you said you don’t want to talk about it, but… are you okay?”
I pause, unsure of how to answer him. “Will you judge me if I tell you that I’m not sure?”
“Never,” he says, “But I hope you know that you are safe here. That asshole will never hurt you again. Not while I am around.”
“And what if you’re not around?”
He doesn’t respond at first, instead rounding the bed to climb in next to me on the other side. He reaches across, closing the space between us and pulling my back to his chest, his arms wrapped tightly around me.
“I’m not going anywhere.”