Chapter 35 THIRTY FIVE

Chapter 35 THIRTY FIVE
"We’re leaving."

I didn’t look up at him.

"Do you hear me?"

"Yes."

"For the next few months, different locations. Different cities. Different towns. Different places… anywhere… anywhere but here… do you get me?"

My voice was in a low monotone. "Yes," like a doll who had been programmed to say anything to please her master. The man I refused to even look up at now but could feel his eyes burning holes into me from the distance.

"Anywhere but here…"

He was testing the waters.

"You’d never be able to come to Oklahoma again…"

I kept my voice low. A little gruff. "I never said anything about wanting to be here in the first place. You brought me here. You took me to the church…"

"I gave you a chance to see your mother."

"I never asked for that either…"

There was silence.

I wasn’t going to say it with my mouth that I could feel the sogginess of my wound against my camisole. I wasn’t going to tell him that I knew he was challenging me to see if I would exchange words or submit. As the wife he’d made me. Submit.

"I know you never asked—"

"Then why do you sound like you want me on my knees, giving gratitude for putting me in the same room with a woman who had neglected me for five years of my life…. And making me relive the same trauma of watching her pick her abusive husband over me… even in his death…? Why do you sound like you want me licking your toes clean for it?"

He didn’t stumble forward like I’d expected him to.

He continued to watch from the distance while I gawked at the said fat toes, and, my heart was in my throat. God... God, I knew the tone of my voice wasn’t something he liked, but fuck that, I kept my words assertive, my eyes down to his feet, you cannot beat a child for being disobedient if they do what you want them to do.

He didn’t want me looking into his eyes.

I wasn’t.

There was amusement in his voice.

"You didn’t want to see her? After all the theatrics you threw last night, you're telling me now that you don't want to see her?"

My voice remained gruff. "I’d rather not talk about what I want or do not want right now," while my throat burned from the pressure of a lump. 'My throat was burning with the pressure of a lump. "I'm here for one sole purpose. You've made that clear over and over again. I'm here just to be your wife, no?"

"No."

I paused. My fingers gripped the sheet of the bed beneath me hard. Sergei still hasn’t moved.

"You’re not here to just be a wife…"

I didn’t think about my response too much. "Then what else am I here for? What else am I forgetting to say..." I pretended to think, it was a fucking lie, I just wanted to push him to the edge a little more, to make him feel my anger without earning a punishment. "Oh, is this because I forgot to mention the part where I’m your little sex doll…"

"Jesus Christ," he panted raspily. "You have wits. I see what the fuck you’re trying to do…"

I swallowed hard down my throat. I didn’t look up still, and he didn’t come closer, and I was very appreciative for this barrier that one blow out he’d done in my face had brought now.

"But I don’t have time for this…"

Of course.

"We’re leaving Oklahoma forever in a few hours, less than four if I’m honest with you. And I have my reasons…" Reasons I wasn’t supposed to ask, no matter how hot the questions burned on my tongue. "I want to offer you two options. And Anya, I want to make sure our marriage is beyond just…" He paused and God knows how hard it was for me to resist looking up to his face to hear what he had to say. But, I kept my head down. I wasn’t going to trigger some psycho to the point of him blowing up in my face again. I want this loveless marriage to be more than what? A sex-thing? His little BDSM pet? His little torture thing. The silence drew out, I didn't know what the fuck he was thinking until his words dropped. "Beyond revenge."

The discipline I was trying to stick to ended right there and then.

I looked up with a gasp.

Sergei, in the center of the room, with nothing but sweatpants hanging dangerously low on his waist, looked smug at the sudden look up. I caught the smirk tilting his lips. The way his head tilted like he’d caught me in a trap, and the mischievous glint in his eyes that screamed, "Got you."

I looked down immediately.

My heartbeat sounded like bombs now.

"What do you even mean?"

"I want something more… genuine with you."

"How can you want something genuine with me when this all started with one motive?" That wasn't the main question, this was. "How can your mind change in one night… no, a few minutes towards me?"

I'd asked the questions before I realized I did.

"Does it matter?"

My breath quickened. "Are you trying to play some sick game with me?"

There was a pause. There was a tautness in the next sentence. "Look me in the eyes if you’re going to be so challenging."

I dared not.

Even his words were a challenge.

There was a long pause.

The room felt like it was literally getting heated.

"Why are you doing this, Sergei?"

"Why am I doing what?"

"This…" I tried to keep my voice leveled, but my fingers were literally quivering. "This one minute you're hot-headed. Mad at me... Cornering me in the corner with blood… blood on your skin and the next… you’re being lovely, you're being clingy, you’re being kind... You’re trying to propose a loving marriage in a marriage based on one thing?"

"What thing, Anya?"

"You killed my father." The whole of me was trembling.

"And you don’t think it was well deserved?"

"You kidnapped me…"

"Because you belonged to me all along. It wasn’t kidnapping… it was just taking what already belonged to me."

I shook my head side to side. "That's the thing, Sergei…" I stressed his name. "Whatever this new thing that came up under a few minutes of you being out the door is... this new let’s be a married couple that’s in love thing isn't going to work. Not when you think like that."

"What do my thoughts have to do with this?"

"EVERYTHING." My dam nearly broke. "Every fucking damn thing…"

"You haven’t listened to what I have to say." His voice was monotone.

Mine was a mix of shrill and husky because I wasn’t going to calm down to listen to him spew this nonsense to my face. Or rather, to the center of my forehead, because I refused to look at him.

"I don’t think I want to—"

He cut me off. "Anya…" His voice was calm. His voice was leveled. The controlled tone of a monster that deserved to burn in hell. "Listen to what I have to say before you… spiral…" My lips parted with harsh breaths. "Something happened. Something is happening. To me. To my base here in Oklahoma. Something I have to put under control before it gets out of hand. Something… you’ll eventually find out yourself."

I didn’t say shit.

"But…. if I’m going to tackle this… I need to do it not tied to anyone…"

I swear, I wanted to look up but I fought it off. What the fuck was he saying? What was the big thing that had suddenly come up? What does he mean not tied to anyone? The thoughts fucking spiraled. My fingers dug into the sheet below me as I tried to steady myself before the next words dropped.

"I never gave terms to this marriage yet. And I have terms. I have rules. Every disciplined man does. Especially when it comes to things that could interfere with his… work." I panted raggedly. "And I’ve come up with our terms for the duration of this marriage, Anya."

I couldn’t help it.

My head shot up.

Du... duration?

Did he just say…?

"After six months, I’m giving you a chance to walk away from all this."