Chapter 33 It was Something

Chapter 33 It was Something

Cole

Tyler showed me the photo in the locker room without saying a word.

He just held his phone out. I looked at it for three seconds. I looked at Tyler. I handed the phone back.

"Okay," I said, and went to my shower.

I stood under the water and thought about the photo.

It was a good photo technically, which was the thing that made it effective. The angle caught me mid-look, head turned and eyes clearly directed at one specific section of the stands, jaw set, the expression I did not know I was making. From below and slightly to the left it did not look like a quarterback checking the crowd. It looked like something else. It looked deliberate and personal and aimed.

I stood under the water.

I thought about the exact moment I had looked. I had released the ball and the play had resolved and my eyes had gone up to the stands without my permission. I had found her in approximately one second. I had seen the flat hands on the knees and the stillness that meant something was happening. I had held it for two more seconds than I should have.

Two seconds was long enough for someone with a camera to decide it was worth saving.

I thought about what my face had been showing in that moment.

I did not have a satisfying answer to that question.

I came out of the shower and Tyler was still on the bench.

"What did people say about it," I said.

"Mostly questions. A few comments."

"What kind of comments."

"The expected kind." He paused. "Jade has seen it."

I sat down on the bench and looked at my locker.

"How long has it been up," I said.

"Went up right after the final whistle. Someone had a fast upload." He paused. "It is in three stories already."

I thought about Wren gathering Mia and Jake to leave. I thought about her noticing people looking at their phones. I thought about what she would do when she understood what the photo was.

"What did people say about it," I said.

"Mostly questions. A few comments."

"What kind of comments."

"The expected kind." He paused. "Jade has seen it."

I sat down on the bench and looked at my locker.

"How long has it been up," I said.

"Went up right after the final whistle. Someone had a fast upload." He paused. "It is in three stories already."

"It is nothing," I said.

"You looked at her for two seconds on a public field during a game with scouts watching," Tyler said. "Somebody photographed it. It is already being captioned."

"It is nothing," I said again.

Tyler looked at me. He held the look for a moment and then he looked away.

"Okay," he said. "If you say so."

He picked up his bag and left.

I sat in the empty locker room.

I thought about the photo for a long time.

I had said sleep game door. Two down. The third was waiting at the end of a hall and it was not going to be the three-minute version this time. I had retired that version. Tonight was going to be different.

I thought about the two-second look and what my face had been showing and the honest answer was that it had been showing the thing I had been refusing to say out loud for weeks.

The photo had captured it.

Forty-eight hours ago I had said three things in a specific order and I had meant them.

I picked up my bag and left the locker room.

Door was next.

I sat in the empty locker room for a long time.

The post-game quiet had a specific quality. The celebration noise from outside was muffled and in here it was just me and the fluorescent lights and the condensation on the tiles from the showers.

I thought about the photo.

I thought about what my face had been doing in the two seconds I had looked up at the stands. The honest answer was something I had been refusing to say out loud for weeks. The two seconds I had not meant to give had given more information than everything I had carefully controlled since September.

I thought about Tyler sitting on the bench.

He had asked is it something Cole and I had said it is nothing and he had said okay if you say so in the voice he used when he had already decided what he believed and was giving me space to contradict it.

I had not contradicted it.

I thought about sleep game door and the order of those three things and the fact that two of them were done.

I thought about Coach pulling me aside and saying what he said about the scholarship conversation happening this week.

I thought about a photo that was already in three stories and probably more.

I thought about Wren in the car park walking at a steady pace with Mia on one side and Jake with the foam fingers on the other, not looking at anyone, not breaking stride, keeping her face exactly the way it needed to be kept.

She was good at that.

She had been good at that since September.

I stood up and picked up my bag.

Whatever the photo was going to do was going to happen regardless of what I said or did not say tonight. The story was already moving. By morning it would be set.

I had one thing left to do tonight.

I was not going to stand outside a door for three minutes and walk away.

I was done with the version of me that did that.

I walked out of the locker room and into the night and started toward the car park.

The game was done. The scouts were satisfied. Coach had said what he needed to say.

Door was next.

And this time I was going to knock.

I sat in the empty locker room and thought about the door at the end of the hall. I had been thinking about that door for weeks. I had sat on the floor outside it for three minutes and walked away and I had told her I would knock next time and I had not knocked and I was done with all of that.

Tonight was the night.

The game was won. The scouts had seen what they needed to see. Coach had said what he needed to say. The photo was out there and the caption was whatever it was and Tyler had looked at me with the look and I had said it is nothing and that was the last lie of that particular kind I was going to tell.

It was something. It had been something for weeks.