Chapter 53 - Healing the Broken Alpha

Lenora

My disappointment hung over me like a wet blanket. I loved River Blackstone, but at the same time I was sorely disappointed to learn about the way he and Zachary had been taking control of other packs. I understood, by reading the files, that Zachary handled most of those deals, but no matter, River had signed off on them. He had given his stamp of approval.

Maybe I had put him on a pedestal. Even without a wolf, he seemed like the best Alpha. He was kind, caring, concerned, and I had thought, just and honorable. I had watched how he handled his pack members, and his employees at Blackstone Innovations. Now, when faced with the evidence that he wasn’t as perfect as he seemed…

I had taken my vows, and even if they were only meant to be a show to draw out his enemy, in my heart, I meant every word. I would stand by him, as my husband and my mate until he cast me aside.

But I was still disheartened. I put all the files away, slowly and mechanically. I could have called River’s secretary to put them away, but Janet still treated me like a pariah. She kept her disdain barely concealed to pacify River, but her cold stares, the sneer of her lip, the backhanded compliments and the thinly veiled insults were ever-present. I avoided her as much as possible, considering her work station was right outside the door. I certainly wasn’t going to draw her ire by asking her to do menial tasks for me.

Besides that, I needed to move, I needed to keep my hands busy. I needed to think. By the time I’d finished my task, I had decided what I really needed was some space from River. I knew he had a meeting coming up. He asked me to accompany him, but I made an excuse to remain in the office. From my seat, I could see him enter the small conference room with Zachary, his father, and another man and a woman that I did not recognize. When the door closed securely behind him, I stood and gathered up my purse.

I walked out of the office, to Janet’s desk. She was scrolling on a phone, and didn’t even bother to put it away when I stood in front of her. “Will you kindly tell the Alpha that I’ve decided to go home early. I have a headache.”

Janet raised a doubtful eyebrow at me. “Do you, now?”

I nodded, refusing to be drawn into an argument or a debate on my health. Who the hell was she to question me? I turned on my heel and walked toward the elevator. I stepped in and turned, and I couldn’t help but notice, before the doors slid closed, that Janet was still watching me, and she now had the phone to her ear, speaking to someone.

I could only hope it wasn’t River. Since the incident with his brother, he was stuck to me like a tick on a dog. If she told him I was leaving without him, I had no doubt he would bolt out of that meeting, and either drag me back with him, or else cancel everything to return to the pack house with me.

And right now, what I needed was space. And a run.

River had sent his best men to search the woods around the Blackstone Packhouse, but they had turned up no trace of the “Mysterious” wolf that had come to my rescue when I was fleeing from Asher. And for some reason, I didn’t mention the cellar hole up on the mountain, where I suspected the mad man might be living.

I don’t know why I felt some compulsion to protect Dardanos, when he had turned on me too. I pitied him, to be sure, but I feared him too. While at times he seemed so innocent and childish, there was a darkness in him. And something else. Something that drew me to him, made me feel like we had a sort of mystical connection.

Once the driver dropped me back at Blackstone, I wasted no time depositing my laptop and briefcase back in the Alpha suite, and changing out of my business attire. But, to be safe and responsible, I stopped and told the old butler, Remmy, that I was going out.

“I should call a soldier to escort you,” Remmy said, reaching into his pocket for his phone.

“No!” I said, with a firm, commanding tone that surprised the both of us. I softened and offered him a smile. “It’s not necessary. I’ll stay close to the house, I promise. I just really need some time to clear my head. Alone.”

“Please be careful, Luna,” he pleaded, and I could see in his watery eyes that he felt real, genuine concern for me. He cared for me. And that touched my heart, deeply. There weren’t many people in this world whom I could truly count as friends.

I reached out to touch his pale hand, with the raised blue veins and brown age spots. “Thank you, Remmy. If I’m not back in two hours, then you can send out the search and rescue team.”

He looked horrified.

“I’m joking, joking. I’ll be fine. Please tell the Alpha I asked for this time alone.”

“He won’t like it,” Remmy said, shaking his head.

“I know.” I darted out the door, to freedom.

True to my word, I circled the house and stayed close to the edge, where the manicured grounds blended seamlessly into the forest. I found a quiet, sheltered place and stripped off my clothes, and then I released my wolf, letting her spirit come to the forefront of my consciousness, letting my form meld into hers, sinking from a biped to a quadruped in mere seconds. Released, as she was, she pinned her ears back and ran, for the sheer joy of running.

We went to the small stream, waded into the icy water, which only reached our belly at the deepest point. We slacked our thirst and snapped at the trout we saw near the rocks, wetting our face without coming near to catching a fish.

Now and again, my wolf looked up stream, up the mountain, but I pulled her back. We promised to stay close, and I was afraid of what we might find up there. I climbed out of the water and shook off as much of the brook water as I could, and then laid on the grassy bank to rest, to relax, to soak in the tinkling sound of water moving over the stones in the stream, the calls of birds, the shiver of the breeze in the canopy of the trees. Even the angry chatter of a red squirrel, who was extremely offended by my presence too near his tree.

For my wolf, things were simple. Her feelings were pure and uncomplicated. She knew only love for River, and she wouldn’t, and couldn’t complicate that emotion with useless intrigue. She didn’t worry about the future, and was only vaguely aware that there was such a thing beyond the present moment, and then, only because she knew she was with child, and so she had the joyful anticipation of motherhood. She knew what she felt about Dardanos too, the fascination and the fear, the curiosity and the compassion. But she didn’t overthink it. It just was.

Sometimes I thought, if I had to be stuck in only one form, it would be better to live as a wolf, always.

I was half asleep in the warm sun, feeling dreamy and peaceful, when I heard a rustle across the river, and the slight snapping of a branch. I became instantly alert, but I didn’t move. I only twitched my ears toward the sound, and rolled my eyes in that direction. Through the shadows of the trees, I saw the slightest movement, a flash of brown moving between the trees. But I smelled nothing, but the faintest trace of herbs.

A brown wolf emerged from the thicket, with a dead rabbit clutched in its jaws. She was beautiful, her coat, not merely ordinary brown, but streaked with silver, black, and white as well. She was tall, but sleek and lean. There was a quiet, graceful power about her, as she dropped the rabbit near the stream, and lowered her muzzle to the water to lap it with her tongue.

She seemed not to notice me, there on the bank. I lifted my head slowly, wanting to be seen.

Her head lifted with a jerk, and she backed out of the stream, slowly, warily. I stared into hers, and she stared into mine, without looking away. Her eyes drew me in, almost mesmerized me, the deepest shade of grey-blue, like the night sky just moments before the blush of dawn arrived. They were soft, intelligent, knowing, and sad. Such a soul-deep sadness, that it pulled at me.

And I saw a flash of recognition. She knew who I was. Which wasn’t surprising. I was Luna. However fake and temporary that title might be, hundreds of wolves had come to witness my ceremony. So many knew me, but I couldn’t possibly know them all, not yet anyway. There was something familiar about her too, and I thought, perhaps, if I could see her in her human form…

But, before I could suggest that she reveal herself, she snapped up the rabbit carcass and dashed off into the woods. I stood slowly, but I did not give chase. I heard her movement, as she went south first, and then, when she was sure I wasn’t pursuing her, she doubled back, and started heading upstream, although she kept a good distance away from the stream. She was headed up the mountain, and although I couldn’t explain why, I felt sure she was headed to that old cellar hole near the spring.

Did she know Dardanos? Could it be that she was bringing that small hare to feed the wild man in the woods? Perhaps then, she knew him, who he was, where he came from. How he was related to the Blackstone family, because of that, I was certain. If I could convince her to speak to me, perhaps I would find the answers I sought.

But not today. I turned and began to trot back to the house. But it occurred to me that I might not like the answers, once they came to light. If Blackstone’s predatory lending project had been upsetting and disappointing, then how would I feel once I learned exactly how Dardanos was related to the Alpha family. How would I feel if I discovered that River knew of him, and had deliberately abandoned him.

No, no. River wouldn’t do that. He had his reasons and his justification for using debt and financial resources to control rowdy alphas. But he would never turn his back on a disabled man, a man in need. He wouldn't neglect a disabled man, especially not one that was family. I tried to convince myself that River was a good man, he wouldn’t.

But a niggling little voice reminded me that River was more than ready to execute his own brother. Because of me.