Chapter 51

KATELYN.

I still can't get the events of earlier out of my mind, how he carried me on his back, the way he chased his breath while running and hurrying to help me, the warmth and broadness of his back where I leaned on.

All of those things puzzled me, wondering why he showed me those things if he was just deceiving me.

"He's stable again, just need to keep an eye on him for now," I glanced at the doctor he was talking to. I'm currently confined in a small clinic near the vacation spot we visited.

I'm feeling better now, able to breathe properly and no longer feeling weak. Earlier, while he was carrying me, I felt like I was about to lose consciousness because of my fever. But I made it to the hospital and received quick treatment thanks to Eli's help and his care for me.

"Thank you," Eli nodded and the doctor left my room. He got a private room, and it seems there aren't many patients here since the clinic is not that big.

"You worried me back there, Kate," he said, sitting on the chair in front of my bed. He took an apple from the side table and peeled it.

"You need to eat even a little so you don't get weak. The doctor said you can still go out tomorrow, but it seems you won't be able to enjoy this vacation trip anymore. What a waste, especially since you planned everything." I looked at him while he was bent down peeling the apple, and every time I looked at Eli, the question always crossed my mind: Is this guy really an incubus?

Is he really deceiving me?

But every time I see him, my mother's words echo in my mind, bringing back my trauma, so it's better if I don't look at him.

"Sorry, Kate. Are you angry because you got sick because of me? I'm really sorry, it won't happen again."

I'm not that shallow, Eli. I won't get angry at the person I love for that reason. I'm angry because you lied to me, I'm angry because you didn't tell me your true identity.

But how can I say those words to him? How can I tell him the reasons behind my avoidance?

If I tell him what I've learned, will he erase my memories? If he finds out that I know his true identity and what he really is, will he manipulate all our shared memories in my mind?

I don't want that to happen. Call me a martyr, but I'd rather let him leave me in pain than lose him from my mind, than erase all our happy memories together.

Am I a fool? I'm the one being deceived, yet this is still running through my mind.

"You really don't want to talk to me? Okay, it's fine. Maybe you're still tired. Just eat this, I'll go downstairs to pay," he replied, and I heard the sound of his chair moving and the food being placed on the table. He walked out of the room without me even being able to look at him or talk to him. It's because I feel that if our eyes meet, I won't be able to control my mouth, and I might blurt out everything that's on my mind.

I let him go and turned my gaze to the window. It's overcast now, and as far as I know, the fireworks display will take place later tonight. That's what I've been looking forward to on this vacation—I wanted to watch the fireworks display with Eligor because there's a saying in Brentwood that if you watch the fireworks display with the person you love, your relationship will last.

But how can I make that happen? Maybe it will remain just a dream, a dream I've wanted to fulfill ever since I found the man I would love.

I grew up in this place, where I learned and not far away is our old house where I grew up with Mama and Papa, in the times when everything was fine and they hadn't separated yet.

Those times when we were happy and always went to the beach every summer and played in the snow every winter. But now that house is abandoned and lonely. I haven't visited it either, and even Papa doesn't plan to go back there.

"I wanted to invite Eli to come to our house. I wanted him to be the first man to accompany me as I face my past fears," I whispered to myself and bowed my head.

Because I know deep down that I won't be afraid of anything connected to my past as long as Eli is with me. As long as he's by my side, I feel like I can overcome anything because he's the one who gave me strength and has always been there whenever I needed him.

I thought I could finally sever the ties with the dark past that I couldn't leave behind because he's here beside me. But it turns out I can't, because he's one of the reasons for my trauma.

"Why didn't you tell me the truth?"

I bowed my head and silently let the tears fall, trying hard to suppress my emotions and keep them hidden within myself.

***

"Kate, the doctor said you're feeling better now and your fever has gone down. Tomorrow, you can already go out." I simply nodded at his words, still avoiding eye contact.

"I've already called Aimee. Before they leave early tomorrow morning, they'll stop by here to visit you." Ah, so the vacation trip is ending tomorrow. Eli didn't even get a chance to enjoy it because he spent the whole day taking care of me.

"Once you're feeling okay, we can commute together. Since it's a holiday, you can rest at your house here for now if you're not ready to travel for long," he said, and I turned to look at him. I knew he intended to accompany me until I reached home, but I don't think I can endure being with him for much longer—because my heart might give in to his kindness once again.

"No, you should go home with them later. I'll just stay at my place," I replied, and he seemed taken aback by my words.

"What? Do you think I'll let you travel alone? I'll come with you, even if you're still angry with me," he said, and I averted my gaze from him, clutching my chest. It's difficult for me to talk to Eli; I want to cry.

"I don't know why you don't want to look at me or talk to me now, Kate. But I won't let you travel alone in your current condition. Even if the doctor says you're fine, you still can't afford to get sick again." I remained silent. I knew I would lose in this conversation when it comes to Eligor because in the one year I've been with him, I know he's incredibly persistent. Once he says something, he means it and he'll do it.

I took a deep breath and turned away from lying down. Luckily, there was no longer an IV attached to me, and I could move properly.

"Oh, it's already nine!" I heard him say, so I just closed my eyes. But I was surprised when he lifted me and wrapped me in his big cardigan. My mouth hung open, and our eyes met because he carried me in a bridal way.

"Finally, I saw your eyes," he said, and there goes my heart again, wanting to burst because of this man.

I quickly averted my gaze because I know Eli's eyes are my weakness—those eyes that are so tender when they look at you, as if speaking to you. I don't want to look there because I know I'll give in to him once again.

"Put me down, what are you doing?" I asked him, and I could hear him laughing. He walked towards the balcony of the room while carrying me, wrapping his arms around me. Even when he opened the window, I didn't feel any cold on my body.

"It's about to start, just wait," he told me, and I furrowed my brow in confusion. But soon, that confusion disappeared because I immediately heard a loud explosion in the sky. I looked up and saw the beautiful fireworks display visible from where we were standing.

The dark sky was filled with different colors of fireworks, as if blooming flowers exploding in the sky. They were so beautiful, and this was the first time I saw a fireworks display up close—alongside the person I love.

"I know you wanted to see this. Hahaha, I saw it in the travel guide you were working on. Sorry, I saw it on your laptop when you fell asleep while planning this trip's itinerary. It's a shame you didn't get to see it while riding the ropeway. I know you wanted to do this at the ski park." I turned to him when he said that, not expecting him to know even the things I wanted.

Indeed, that's how Eligor is. He pays attention to me, he knows everything I like and dislike, and he focuses on even the smallest details because he always wants to make me happy.

And he never fails to do so.

But I know this happy and beautiful dream needs to end. I need to wake up to the truth that my mother's words were right, that all men are cheaters, that all men are fierce wolves disguised as sheep, waiting to pounce on me.

"Eli," I called him, and he immediately looked at me. I struggled to break free from his embrace and got off his hold. He supported me, but I pushed his hand away and tried to stand on my own two feet.

"Kate?" he asked, and I still couldn't bring myself to look into his eyes, so my head remained bowed, and my gaze fixed on my feet.

"What's the problem? Can you tell me why you're acting like this?" he asked as I remained with my head down.

"Tell me what I did wrong, or did I say something you didn't like? Is this about what I did?" he inquired, but all I could respond with was a slight shake of my head.

"If that's the case, why? Please tell me so I know what I should do to make it up to you, Kate."

Make it up to me? Could he ever undo everything I've learned about him?

"Wait... is this about who I am?" When he asked that question, both of us fell silent. The fireworks display had ended, and the earlier jubilation had been replaced by a somber stillness.

"Why can't you answer me, Kate?" he asked, and I tightly grasped the edge of my cardigan, unable to hold back my tears any longer during this moment.

"Were you scared when you found out—"

"Let's break up, Eli," I interrupted his words.

"What?" he asked, and my chest tightened even more due to the pain I was feeling. I couldn't control my tears or the trembling in my voice anymore. It felt like my throat was being constricted from holding back the tears.

"Let's break up, I can't do this anymore," I repeated, but I didn't hear anything from him. So I lifted my head, looked at him, and there I saw his devastated face.

He was utterly shattered by what I said; his eyes clearly displayed the sorrow, as if I had destroyed everything for him with those words.

"Ka-Kate," he instinctively grabbed his chest, and without any warning, he disappeared from my sight. It was as if he turned into a bubble that vanished into thin air, carrying the pained expression on his face.

And there, I couldn't hold back my tears anymore as they freely streamed down both my cheeks. I clung to his cardigan, still carrying his scent, as if it embraced me.

I knew that with this turn of events, it would likely be the last time I would see Eligor. I didn't know why, but somehow I felt relieved that he didn't erase himself from my heart and mind.

I would still remember him freely, even though I knew we weren't meant for each other.