Chapter Fourteen: The Six Feet Deep Craters Under My Eyes Would Disagree-3

"I'm scared." "I am too and I want you to know that you're not alone in this. The past week has turned my life just as upside down as it has yours and it kills me to see that you think you're going to have to go through this on your own. I wouldn't let that happen shortcake, you know that right?" Of course I do. Cole's not the kind of guy who abandons you when the going gets tough, in fact he's the total opposite and he'll stand with you and fight all your battles side by side. But that's not what I'm worried about. It's one thing for him to support me but another thing entirely to raise a child with me. "But is this what you want right now, a kid? You're still in school Cole and I'm…barely starting to get somewhere at work. Everything's going to change and I wouldn't blame you if…" "Stop right there Tessie. I know what you're going to say and it's going to break my heart. Is that the kind of guy you think I am? We made this baby, together. You didn't do this on your own and I'd never leave you, it'd kill me to." I blink back the tears, "This wasn't part of the plan was it?" "We'll make a new plan, one that works for us now. Do you trust me Tessie?" I half sob, half nod and lose myself in Cole's kiss and he kisses the pain and tears away. "Then you're going to have to believe me when I say everything's going to be okay. We're scared and probably don't have the first clue on what to do with a pregnancy, lot alone a baby but I know we can anything, together." "Together." I repeat the mantra several times over in my head, already feeling stronger. Till this moment, I'd not let myself admit that I'm not in this alone. I'd victimised and isolated myself, not thinking about the one other person who is just as involved in this as I am but knowing that I have his support, his unconditional love and devotion makes the weight on my shoulders feel a lot lighter. Things aren't perfect just yet and it's probably going to take me some time to get used to the idea that there's a human life growing inside of me but I've managed to make it to the first step, acceptance. Our lives are about to change, the path I'd so carefully planned for myself and Cole and our future together will probably need a whole lot of modifications and adjustments and right now just thinking about it makes me want to breathe into a paper bag. But this boy right next to me, the person I've been in love with since I was seventeen years old makes it all seem so much easier and if life's so adamant on throwing us curveballs, then I couldn't have asked for a better teammate. *** The morning of my appointment with the OB/GYN, I spend a good amount of time studying my body in the mirror. I'm not sure how far along I am and you couldn't tell that I'm pregnant looking at my body. They say you notice the difference in your boobs first but mine don't feel tender or swollen, not yet and they're certainly not bigger. I've never had a completely flat, toned stomach and maybe it's just my mind playing tricks on me but it does seem like it's looking a little more round than before. That could have to do with the fact that I've become obsessed with pastries and cakes are the only thing I crave, all the time so you could say that my fridge is better stocked than your local Starbucks, possibly because I've emptied out their shelves. Still, in my jeans and flowy cream top, you can't tell. I wonder how long it'll stay like that? Cole's waiting for me so I quickly finish getting dressed and meet him by the door. He's already forced some food down my mouth even though I woke up feeling absolutely wretched. He's only got one class today so he'll come pick me up at work and we'll take an Uber to the doctor's office. I just need to get through this day and then I'll have some peace of mind and all the answers that I've been desperate to get. "You look beautiful." He smiles that full blown smile that still manages to make me weak in the knees and I'll blame the hormones once again because I want to scale this guy like a tree. "It's probably concealer because the six feet deep craters under my eyes would disagree but thank you." I kiss him as he helps me gather my stuff and we walk out the door together, my free hand firmly in his. "No, I'm pretty sure it's you. Oh and what bags exactly? You snored all of last night." "Hey!" I elbow him in the side, "I've finally managed to find a sleeping position that doesn't give me heart palpitations so don't you dare make fun of me." "What position? The one where you basically climb all over me and try and crush my Esophagus? It's a miracle i'm still alive shortcake." "Don't be so dramatic, you're all warm and toasty and I've started feeling unseasonably cold these days." "I'm not complaining shortcake, anytime you need to get up close and personal at night, I'm more than happy to reciprocate. Just maybe give a guy some warning?" "Maybe I'll just crashing on the couch from now on?" I try to march past him into the elevator but his arms go around me from behind and I'm hauled into his chest. "I'd follow you there and anywhere else you go if you're not in our bed next to me every night shortcake." His nose skims the column of my throat and I shiver. "It's taken me a long while to get you there and I'm not letting you go that easily." Moments like these that remind me of simpler days when the two of us would be ecstatic just to be in the zip code. It's taken a hell of a lot from us to get to this point of being able to be together day in and day out and we've fought hard to make it work through all the hiccups of the past six years. This baby isn't just a hiccup though and even though I've only ever about thought about it in context to an apocalypse, it is definitely time to acknowledge that maybe a tiny part of me is excited for this new journey, new challenge and even though it might be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life, we wouldn't be Cole and Tessa if things stayed easy for too long.