Chapter 101: Who Do You Really Love?
When she was sick, suffering, and helpless, not only did he fail to stay by her side, but he blamed her for being spoiled by him, willful, making a fuss, and pushing her luck.
He had long been used to her being tactful and understanding, sensible and knowing her boundaries, and took it all for granted.
He was a businessman. When he realized Mia was important to him, he chose to clip her wings.
By supporting her financially, he made sure she couldn't fly out of his grasp.
The darkness in his bones meant he would stop at nothing to achieve his goals.
He used this method that Mia wouldn't notice to lock her by his side.
He cut her off from the outside world, so she only had eyes for him.
He spoiled her, doted on her, pampered her until she became useless.
Having one person's complete devotion, carefree and worry-free.
He made her world simple.
So she could never leave him.
She had always been following the path he planned out for her, every single step.
He was the one in control, she was dependent on him. She just needed to go along with him.
He never thought there was anything wrong with this.
He would treat her well for the rest of his life, spoil her.
She just needed to follow his pace and keep moving forward together.
But he forgot that Mia wasn't a pet, wasn't anyone's accessory. She was an independent person with her own thoughts.
He was the one who shouldn't have taken advantage of her repeated tolerance, compromises, and concessions, pushing his luck!
James thought back to that night in Harmony City. He knew very well in his heart.
Mia had always been shy about these things, yet she still went to the hospital on her own initiative to ask about the three-month matter. Why was she wearing his shirt, waiting for him in the room when she came back from the hospital?
She felt guilty for wrongly suspecting him and wanted to make it up to him this way.
In the past, whenever she made a mistake and made him angry, she would use this method.
He knew it clearly, but after she dry-heaved, he still lost his patience.
Why did he lose his patience?
Because Amelia had confessed her feelings to him while drunk.
That night, his mind was in chaos.
So when he knew Mia's issue was about Amelia, he lost his patience with Mia.
It was his own unstable state of mind, not wanting to face the Amelia problem directly.
He was avoiding it.
James signaled the servants to leave first.
He dragged his legs that felt like they were filled with lead, looking defeated as he walked to the dining table and sat down.
His mind was full of images from that night - Mia lying beside him, crying softly after dry-heaving.
How wronged, helpless, and sad she must have felt then, to cry silently while biting her lip.
Now, thinking back to that night, each sob turned into a knife, stabbing into his heart again and again.
The pain made his heart contract repeatedly.
What had he been doing all this time?
He had tormented Mia, whom he cherished in his palm, to the point where she needed to see a therapist.
He was used to thinking for her, making her follow his rhythm. He thought that as long as he kept his distance from Amelia, as long as he didn't cross the line of friendship, as long as he didn't do anything she couldn't tolerate, she shouldn't mind.
He was too self-righteous.
The first night they slept in separate rooms after returning to Imperial City, he was annoyed that she was taking advantage of his favor and didn't want to deal with her, so he turned his back to the door.
Mia stood at the doorway, calling out to him carefully.
What did he say then?
He said impatiently, "If you don't want me to touch you, stay away from me."
What kind of mood was Mia in when she heard this and went back to the master bedroom? She didn't not want him to touch her - she was sick. She was seeing doctors and getting treatment for his sake, yet he blamed her and snapped at her because of her body's instinctive rejection due to illness.
James slowly lifted his head, looking at everything Mia had carefully prepared on the dining table yesterday.
From the servants' description, he could imagine just how happy Mia had been yesterday.
She had finished her treatment and joyfully went to buy flowers, candles, aromatherapy, and cooked dinner for him herself.
All to surprise him, wanting to be with him that night—
He didn't come home on time. She couldn't reach him, so she thought about picking him up from work, but instead heard gossip at the company.
How disappointed and heartbroken Mia must have been then.
All her joy was doused with ice-cold water.
James's heart twisted into a knot again.
Endless regret and self-blame.
If he had been a little more patient with her, if he hadn't wavered inside because of Amelia's gentleness, there wouldn't have been gossip spreading.
Mia wouldn't have heard it, wouldn't have misunderstood about him and Amelia, and there wouldn't have been last night's argument.
He wouldn't have irritably gone out drinking, gotten drunk and given Amelia an opportunity, doing something that Mia would never forgive him for once she found out.
One wrong step led to more wrong steps.
From the beginning, he was wrong.
He had always thought the person in his heart was Amelia, that he loved Amelia, and what he felt for Mia was just responsibility and possessiveness.
Until this morning, when he woke up in Amelia's bed and realized they had slept together, in that moment he didn't feel the happiness of a dream come true.
That's when he realized he was wrong.
He had gotten Amelia, whom he thought he had loved for years deep in his heart, but he didn't feel any joy at all, only panic.
All his panic was actually fear underneath.
He was afraid of losing Mia.
He knew very well what Mia's bottom line was.
Having directly crossed that line, he was truly afraid of losing Mia. He didn't dare imagine what he would be like if he lost Mia!
Why was his first reaction only about Mia, his mind full of only Mia?
He sat on the toilet, smoking, facing for the first time whether he really loved Amelia.
Did he really love her?
Actually, he didn't understand what love was. He had never experienced love since childhood.
He didn't know what it felt like to love someone.
He had never been loved either!
If he really loved Amelia, why had he never been jealous of her publicly recognized relationship with Uri?
He had never thought about taking her away from Uri.
Toward her, he never had the kind of possessiveness he had toward Mia.
She had waves of suitors around her, and he watched coldly.
When she wanted to go abroad after Uri's car accident left him in a vegetative state, he never thought about asking her to stay.
From that year when Amelia walked up to him and gave him that bit of warmth.
He kept her in his heart, wanting to treat her well.
Too few people treated him well. He cherished that little bit of warmth Amelia had given him.
So, as long as he had it, as long as she wanted it, he never refused her. He was very indulgent with her, almost granting her every wish.
Everyone said he loved Amelia.
Because he didn't understand, and everyone said this was love, he thought what he felt for Amelia was love.
Gradually, hearing it more and assuming more, his love for Amelia became a fact he accepted.
He had his own things to do and didn't want to get tangled up in romance. To him, love wasn't very important.
So he never examined his feelings for Amelia more deeply.
Since he decided it was love, he always understood that his behavior toward Amelia was love.
His love for Amelia was unrequited love.
He wasn't Victor - he couldn't love two people or more at the same time.
Since he already had someone he loved, naturally he wouldn't fall in love with anyone else.
So from the time he met Mia, he tacitly never talked about love. He couldn't possibly love Mia.
That's what he always believed!
He couldn't help spoiling her, treating her well.
Helping her solve all the troubles behind her, not letting those troubles bother her.
His possessiveness toward her grew stronger and stronger. He began to not tolerate other men around her, couldn't stand seeing anyone else in her eyes.
She could only be his!
He always knew this was possessiveness.
He always defined his feelings for Mia as possessiveness.
Because Mia was his, belonged to him - how could he tolerate others coveting her?
But he never thought about it - this crazy possessiveness, what else could it be besides love?
But he understood too late.
He had now made a mistake that Mia would never forgive him for.
James's lowered eyes were full of pain and endless regret.
Four years, every little moment flashing before his eyes.
That bright and sunny Mia had been seeping into him from the moment they met.
She had long been integrated into his bones and blood, flowing with his bloodstream.
He had never thought about possibly losing Mia one day.
Losing Mia meant having his blood drained - how could he survive?
James suddenly looked up!
He couldn't lose Mia!