Chapter 161: KEVAN: Bitter Reality
Kevan’s POV
Everything had changed. Everything. Nothing was left behind, not even a single thing.
Back then, I tried not to let her go in any way. I tried to make myself deaf, not listening to the whisper of my heart telling me to hand her over to him.
"Why are you so selfish? Let her go," my inner voice whispered, which I always fiercely denied. "No! She is mine!" I screamed in silence, clenching my fists until my knuckles turned white.
I tried to make myself blind, not seeing her sad face when she was forced to choose me as her choice. Ignoring her feelings, which anyone could clearly see, who the boy in her heart had been for a long time.
Kenn. He was the only boy that girl loved.
"Why did it have to be Kenn?" I asked my reflection in the mirror. "What do I not have that he does?"
But the mirror only stayed silent, reflecting my face full of obsession.
You are terribly wrong if you think I am too kind. Of all this love triangle, I am the only villain here.
I tried all kinds of ways so that the owner of my heart would not slip from my grasp.
"Never dare to meet him again," I threatened Kenn one day in a low, intimidating tone. "She is my world, and you have no place in it."
I was too selfish to want to possess her, but unwilling to understand her feelings. I realized she loved Kenn. I realized from the beginning that she only loved him. Not me.
"You never truly saw me, did you?" I murmured as I stared at her back as it moved away.
From the look of hatred in her eyes, I knew there was another sparkle that was always directed at Kenn. Every time she said that name, I already knew there was a hidden meaning in every tone of hatred that often appeared without her realizing it.
"I hate him! I hate Kenn!" she shouted with teary eyes.
I could only remain silent, because I knew that hatred was another form of restrained longing.
"Yes, you hate him," I replied flatly, trying to convince myself.
Her name was ... Frel. A girl who always offered a million joys in every chatter and every move she made. A girl who never made me tired of admiring her.
I liked the way she spoke, innocent yet sounding funny. Her playful behavior always managed to make me laugh and feel happy.
Since I got to know her, it felt like every day I always wanted to be close to her. Every second, I wanted to keep looking at her cheerful face, listening to every story she arranged into an endless joke.
"Tell me again, Frel. Tell me anything," I asked every time the atmosphere began to fall silent.
She ... just by seeing her smile, I felt happy.
She ... just by hearing her crisp laughter, it felt like all my sadness disappeared as well.
"Keep laughing like this," I whispered in my heart, "even though I know this laughter may not be for me."
She ... my source of strength, my source of happiness.
And she ... was the first girl who could make me feel my heart pounding just from a single meeting.
I loved her. I loved everything about her. I wanted her, like I needed air to breathe.
Only her face danced in my mind when night came. My lips never grew tired of saying her name when I woke up and went on with my activities.
"Frel, only you," I whispered to the dark ceiling of my room.
I once dreamed about our steps walking in harmony, in the same direction, hand in hand. The light of love guided us to embrace each other, to protect each other. Accompanied by her beautiful face and blooming smile, peace welcomed me with everything I had never felt before. I kissed the top of her head, inhaled the fragrance of her hair, and we poured out all our feelings together with full love.
"I love you," I said in that dream.
And she replied gently, "I love you too. Forever, Kevan."
How could I say that I loved her so much? How could I make her understand that I needed her so badly?
Did she know how painful it was for me when I saw her with Kenn that afternoon?
Seeing her fall into that boy’s arms made my world instantly feel empty. Watching Kenn treat her leg made my chest burn with heat. Seeing the way they looked at each other, filled with feelings for one another, made me realize that now I was lost alone.
We were no longer walking in the same direction, she had chosen to go a different way with him. Not with me.
I admit, my love was truly crazy. I was not willing to let her go while my heart was still carved with her name and still hoped for her.
I could take her away from anyone, as long as she was always with me. Always by my side. I was even willing to stay silent, to pretend I knew nothing, as long as she continued to be mine.
"Stay with me," I begged with selfish pleading. "Please. I can't lose you, Frel. Not now, not ever."
But now, it was over.
I could no longer fight to get her, even in the most deceitful ways.
I would never be able to take her if the reality was that the blood flowing in our bodies came from the same parents.
"This is impossible...," I whispered when I heard Claretta—the woman from my father’s past—reveal Frel’s identity in front of all of us.
"Why does fate toy with us? We ... are siblings, Frel?" I laughed bitterly.
Now, I finally realized that my greatest enemy was not Kenn, but this bitter reality.
At first, I thought fate supported us and played its role very well. We met, fell in love, and then became a couple. There was nothing more wonderful than being able to always be with someone we truly loved.
But I was wrong. It turned out everything was just a camouflage. It seemed that fate was only toying with our relationship, toying with my sincere feelings for her.
"Why does it have to be her, God? Out of so many people, why does it have to be Frel?" I shouted in frustration inside the car, hitting the steering wheel until my hands turned red.
I was powerless to fight God’s destiny. I could do nothing, except turn into a miserable boy who lamented his own fate.
I was a cowardly boy. Instead of facing reality, I ran away from it. Leaving her, who was now lying helplessly on a hospital bed.
Forgive me. Forgive me, my love. Forgive me, who every night could only see you secretly from behind the glass.
I touched the cold surface of the glass, imagining my hand touching her cheek.
"Wake up, Frel ... but please, don’t look for me when you wake up later."
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