48|He Doesn’t

48|He Doesn’t
~Serena~

I’d been standing at the door of the infirmary for some time now, listening to Declan’s faint heartbeat. If I didn’t know the current state he was in, I’d assume the heartbeat I’m hearing belongs to a human who had maximized his time in this life and was ready to rest in peace.

The lub-dub was low and slow, as if he was already on the edge of his end, and I stood here waiting for the last thump of his heart restlessly.

“Are you just gonna stand there?” Spade’s voice yanked me from my trance. He was standing at the end of the hallway, his back resting against the wall, while a cigarette stick was stuck between his lips. Smoke bellowed around his face as he gazed at me expectantly.

“Yes,” I murmured, stepping away from the door and resting my back on the wall across from the infirmary entrance.

“Are you really that clueless about what’s happening here?” he said, abandoning his post at the end of the hallway and walking towards me. His light footsteps permeated the silence of the night. The mansion was eerily quiet; the crickets singing outside were the only music we could hear.

Spade was never good at speaking riddles, and I knew he lied when he said he didn’t know how to save Declan. He wanted me to figure it out myself.

“Yes, genius,” I murmured. “Why don’t you tell me what’s happening?” I slide down the wall, my ass plonking on the marbled floor. Cool wind was blowing from the open windows of the mansion, towing the smoke of Spade’s cigarette in my direction.

Spade chuckled, finally reaching where I was and sitting down beside me. He pulled the cigarette from his lips and crushed its tip on the floor.

“Cora will not like that,” I chided.

“She doesn’t have to know,” Spade whispered, flicking the remains of his human cancer stick out the window.

I shook my head, then tipped my chin until my head was resting on the wall. The overhead lights were bright and blinding. “Why is this happening, Spade?”

The fact of the matter is that I know what to do, but I am conflicted if I should do it. All my assumptions fell into place when Spade showed up. Declan wanted to set me free, so he’s on a mission to end his life. If he thinks this makes up for the pain that he caused me five years ago, he’s wrong. His death will not amount to everything I lost because of his family.

“Only your mate can answer that,” murmured Spade. “But you’re losing him fast. With that heartbeat, he won’t make it till morning. You have to make a decision now.”

I didn’t even have to be in this situation if he hadn’t been present at that ball. Then we wouldn’t find out we were fated mates!

“I hate him, Spade. Even the mate bond can’t erase this hatred in my chest,” I whispered, hugging my knees as I rested my chin on it. 

Maybe I should just let him die. He wanted this, and he deserved it. I didn’t ask for any of this in the first place.

“Whatever you decide, just make sure you won’t regret it,” Spade said meaningfully.

I lift my gaze at him, frowning. “Why would I regret it?”

He shrugged. “No sane man would commit suicide if he didn’t care about you.”

My frown deepened as I mulled over his words. “This is the mate bond’s doing. He’s not in his right state of mind.”

“You sure about that?” Spade’s tone was clipped. “The mate bond is not making you like him now, does it?”

“Why are you on his side!?” I snapped.

“I’m on your side, bugger. And I don’t want you to do something you will regret.” Spade remained calm despite my clipped tone. He was like a big brother scolding his younger sibling for being so stubborn. He pinched the bridge of his nose and blew out a huge gust of air. 

“All I’m saying here is be rational and put your revenge and anger aside first. Just look at what the man is doing for you. He’s ready to kill himself, and even his wolf is agreeing with him. Doesn’t that make you wonder why he’d risk his life for someone he didn’t care about?” he continued.

My stubbornness was at its peak. Everything Spade said made sense, but I can’t accept that. “You don’t know him, Spade. He tricked me into believing that he cared about me. It was all a show, and he played me from the very beginning.” 

My sight became blurry as I’m reminded how I loved Declan back then, how I gave myself to him, my love, my everything, and it turns out he did it for family and not because he loves me.

“But you do,” Spade retorts. “You know him more than anyone, Serena.”

Spade never called me by my name before. It made me pause and rethink everything. 

“Is he someone who would do anything just because someone told him to do it? Or because the mate bond commanded him so?”

No. Declan wasn’t that kind of man. I remember he would always stand up to Gerald with every decision that didn’t align with Dad’s. I remember how he commanded Gerald to stand down when we were in that public trial. 

“I don’t know him that long, but he doesn’t bow to anyone, Serena,” Spade added.

Tears rolled down my cheeks, my lips trembling as I allowed Spade’s words to light my way. “He doesn’t.”

Spade tossed an arm around my shoulder, drawing me closer to him. “I’m on your side, little rascal, but I really think you’ll regret this if you don’t help him now. This isn’t the way you wanted things to go between you two.”

Once again, Spade murmured the truth. Beneath my thick stubbornness, there’s a part of me that still cares for Declan. And I might look the other way for however long I want, but the truth will remain. Declan did this to save me, and if I can’t forgive him for the past, I won’t let him take credit for saving my life.

I wiped my tears and sat taller, glowering at the infirmary door. “No. I spent five years planning my revenge, and this is not how it should end.”