Chapter 82
“If it makes you feel better, I like you too much, too,” he mumbled into my neck.
I wasn’t sure it did. “What are we gonna do about it?”
“Are you always questionin’ everythin’?”
“Pretty much.”
“How about we just see what happens?”
I didn’t do well with uncertainty. I hated unanswered questions and googled everything I didn’t know. I wanted to make informed decisions and always planned everything down to the tiniest detail. Never did anything on a whim.
Except for storming out of my mom’s house on Christmas Day and getting into a truck with someone who looked like a serial killer but acted like a cuddly teddy bear, apparently.
Still, there I was. Considering his suggestion. He must have cast a spell on me with that damned deep voice of his.
“I…I don’t do things like this.”
“Like what?”
“See what happens.” His fingertips danced all over my upper body, driving me out of my mind. “I can’t think when you do that.”
“Good.”
It didn’t help matters that all the blood had rushed south from my head and I was harder than a lake frozen solid in midwinter. And judging by the thing poking me in the ass, Axel suffered from the same condition.
His hand closed in on my nipples but veered off at the last second and I swallowed a disappointed groan.
“I don’t bottom,” I gasped out, desperately trying to come up with reasons we shouldn’t do this. I was no stranger to hookups—hell, my entire sexual diet these last few years had been one-night-stands—but Axel would be so much more than a fuck-and-run, and I didn’t know if I could handle it.
“Excellent news because I don’t top.”
Another of my preconceptions of him that he smashed to pieces with only a few words, and yet I wasn’t surprised this time.
His fingers pitter-pattered their way back to my nipples, and this time he graced them and set off fireworks in my chest. His teasing fingers drove me out of my mind. His hot breath on my neck made me want to scream. His pulsing cock against my ass would be the death of me.
The sensations overwhelmed me and I choked on my breath. I needed to think. “Axel,” I pleaded.
He stilled. Our labored breathing permeated the room. He trembled against my back and I was comforted by it. I twisted in his arms and when I faced him, I cupped his hollow cheeks. Ghosted my fingers in the indents and gazed into his shiny eyes.
“If we do this, it will be more than just sex.” I wanted to see his reaction to my words and didn’t blink for fear of missing it.
Dipping his chin, he said, “I know.” No deception. No fear. Only acceptance.
“But I live in Chicago.”
“I know.”
“And you live here,” I said.
He leaned closer and nudged my nose with his. “I know that, too.”
“We don’t know each other.”
“No, we don’t.” He wrapped his hand around my hip.
“What if you hate me?”
“What if I don’t?” The way he met my every doubt with calm should have infuriated me, but it didn’t.
I threw my arms around him and hid my face in his neck. “What if I fall in love with you?” I asked and pressed my mouth against his pulse point.
“Would that be so bad?”
His heartbeat was rapid but steady against my lips. “I don’t know. I haven’t really been in love.”
“Are you afraid to try?” The grip on my hip tightened.
Shaking my head, I asked, “What about you? Have you been in love?”
“Yes.”
“What happened?” I hooked my leg over his thigh.
“We grew apart.”
I grabbed his shoulder and pushed him until he ended up on his back, rolling with him and climbed on top of him, straddling his hips. He lay his hands on my thighs and gazed at me with endless patience.
“My dad left my mom for another woman.” The words spilled out of me. I’d never voiced my fear openly to anyone; I wasn’t even sure I’d recognized it until now.
He curled his hand around my neck and pulled me down until I rested my forehead against his. “And you’re afraid the same will happen to you.” It wasn’t a question but I nodded anyway. “There are no guarantees, Danny. But if I wanna leave, I promise I’ll stay long enough for you to ask all your questions. I won’t abandon you.” He squeezed my neck with strong fingers, massaging the tension out of me.
“Cross your heart and hope to die?” I would believe him if he made me that promise. He’d given it to Beatrice, and he would never let her down.