Chapter Fifty-Nine Hers

I emerged from the bathroom after taking a long, scalding shower. Ollie was awake and sprawled out on his back in the bed. His eyes focused on the ceiling. I awkwardly stood there for a moment in just a towel before heading into the closet. It had been two days since I told Ollie that I didn't want children. I watched his face fall, and my heart broke to lie to him. He still held me close the last two nights, but we were not in a good space. The comfort we once brought to each other was now awkward and felt off. After our conversation, I ordered some tests online and delivered them to my apartment.

What my mother said stuck with me. As long as she was alive, she would come after me and any future children I had. I couldn't bring any child into the world with a death threat hanging over them. It physically made me sick to think about Ollie with someone else, but I couldn't be selfish with his people. They deserved an heir. They expected an heir, and I couldn't give them one with the threat of my mother. I couldn't tell anyone until I knew for sure. I walked out of the closet in undergarments, fleece leggings, and a dress draped over my arm.

Ollie watched me with confusion. His hand suddenly started to massage his chest over his heart. I've discovered that when my emotions were high, he would rub at his chest, and I wondered if he was getting my feelings through the claim mark as it was currently burning. He cleared his throat, "Did you make a decision about your appointments?"

"Yes, I canceled them," I called this morning to cancel all of my appointments with Dr. Cunningham now that I knew the truth. It was something Ollie and I discussed last night after I'd received a text reminder. I had been so sure last night about not going, yet I was secretly panicking that something terrible would happen. After a decade of the false security the clinic provided me, I worried about being without it, especially with my relationship with Ollie on the rocks. Dr. Cunningham said that it was not advised to end treatment, but she couldn't force me to stay. She told me that I needed to come in again to sign discharge papers at some point. However, that was low on my priority list.

"You're leaving the house still?" Ollie asked from the bed as I began to pull on the cute dress Aurora had helped me pick out. It was a grey and navy blue sweater that hugged my curves and stopped just above my knee. The sleeves were wide at the ends, making it easy with my brace.

"Yes. I still have my shop to run. I need to be there today."

"That is what Sophie is for." He grumbled.

"Sophie can't be there all the time, Ollie. It's her senior year of college." I sighed. I'd given Sophie the day off as an excuse to avoid prying eyes. "She is still a kid, and there is a lot of stuff she can't do."

"It would be safer if you waited until Chad was in my custody." Ollie sat up. I remained silent as I didn't want to repeat this argument with him. I continued to get dressed. I hated keeping secrets from Ollie, but I needed to know before I could confront him. I would never let our child be used against us. I felt tears well up, and I quickly blinked them away. If I started crying now, Ollie would comfort me, and I would spill my secrets. Ollie looked as if he wanted to argue with me, "Take one of the guys with you."

"I don't need a babysitter, Ollie." I glared at him as I put on my shoe, which was proving difficult with the brace. I couldn't have one of his men discover what I was doing. I needed to find out before anyone else even suspected so I could decide my next step by myself.

"Not a babysitter, Nyx." His voice dripped with annoyance, and I closed my eyes to avoid flinching. "A bodyguard."

"Fine. I'll take Finn with me."

Ollie growled into the pillow, "Not Finn."

"Ollie, he protected me the best he could. He was right there next to you when Chad grabbed me, but you were faster. Also, I know he feels a need to redeem himself to you and himself."

Ollie looked frustrated and ran his fingers through his hair. I loved that habit of his because it made his hair stick out at odd angles and allowed me a good look at his corded arm muscles. I could tell he was still appraising my statement, so I took a moment to admire his chest, and his arm muscles flexed and relaxed as he moved to get comfortable.

Ollie sighed before his voice took on a snap-- a demand for some control, "Fine. Take Finn. I'm heading to my office, but if you need me--"

"If I need you, I'll have Finn take me right to you." I climbed on the bed beside him, brushing away his shaggy bangs and kissing his forehead. I breathed in the smell of his shampoo and allowed myself to enjoy this moment. I was pulling away from him since my mother's threats, and he knew it. It was an unspoken tension between us. I leaned back.

Ollie says that he can feel some of my emotions through the mark on my collarbone, but I could see his. It was written all over his face every time he looked at me. That closeness we had felt like it was slipping through my fingers. I physically pulled away. How could I keep my emotions in check when Ollie's presence was so consuming? The mark on my shoulder burned, and I watched his expression change to confusion. Ollie opened his mouth to say something, but his face fell into defeat. He grabbed his phone, texted a few things, and then mumbled, "Finn will meet you in the kitchen."

I sat next to Ollie for a few more moments. The air was so thick I felt like I was drowning with each inhale. I couldn't look Ollie in the eyes. I felt so much shame, fear, and uncertainty that if I even glanced at him, I would break. He grabbed my hand, letting his thumb stroke the back of it. "Nyx..?"

I jumped away from him like I'd just been burned. I needed distance and answers, so I practically ran down the stairs, not daring to look back. I found Finn finishing up breakfast. His face was red with what I assumed was anger, and Hugo leaned against the counter opposite him. Hugo's typical blank expression was stern and frustrated. I felt like I had interrupted something. I cautiously approached Finn, "Ollie said you would take me to my shop."

Finn nodded while Hugo gruffly said, "He shouldn't be going anywhere."

Finn gave Hugo a murderous look, "It's not up to you. Drop it already, Hue."

I glanced between the two of them. There was a small string-like light floating between them. I blinked to see if I was actually seeing it. I tilted my head and missed it in a different light, like a spiderweb. I shifted my head back, finding the small light string again. I wanted to grab it, but the two men turned away from one another. The conditioned part of me wanted to pull out my phone and try to capture the image. The me from a few weeks ago would be making an extra appointment with Dr. Cunningham, terrified the meds had stopped working. Hugo looked directly at me, pulling me from my inner thoughts, "He cannot lift anything for you. Let him take it easy, please, Luna."

I nodded in confusion. I was about to ask exactly what he meant, but Hugo stormed off. I looked at Finn, "Is he--"

Finn glared at the floor, "He's fine. Let's go."