Chapter 235

Chapter 235
"I am," he cut me off. "How did I seriously ever think I could raise Jake?" He asked, and I brought my hands down again to hold his.

"You're not doing it alone. You might have felt like you were back then, but not at all now," I said, "think about how happy Layla is to finally have you again. And Jake needs you. You're an amazing older brother."

"But he needs a dad," he shook his head, more tears falling. "I lost mine, and it broke me, but he never even got to have one. He doesn't remember either of our parents or anything they planned on teaching us, and he's going to grow up in this cruel world and I don't know how to make him not broken like I am, or even worse than I am. The more friends he makes, the more he understands how much he is missing without parents, and I don't know how to help him through that- especially considering the fact that I haven't even started to help myself."

"You're not alone, though. You're doing none of this by yourself," I repeated myself, knowing that it's what I would want to hear if I were him. And it was the complete truth.

"I should be," his voice was barely audible, but it broke my heart again.

"No you shouldn't," I disagreed firmly.

"Fuck," he swore under his breath, looking away from me and resting his head in his hands, his elbows on his knees. "I'm scared, Carla," his voice was finally really shaking as he spoke, and I realized that he had reached his limit of keeping himself together in front of me as he kept his head in his palms.

Not knowing what else I could do, I reached and brought him into me, wrapping my arms around him and holding him close. It caught me a little off guard, but he hugged me back even tighter and buried his face in between my neck and shoulder, letting himself cry.

He had cried in front of me a few times before, but this was the first time he was actually crying into me. My heart was breaking at how he was feeling, but swelling at the fact that he finally understood he had a shoulder to cry into.

His sobs were still silent, but his shallow breaths in between them were so raw and so broken that they sounded more painful than any audible sob could. I ignored the fact that he was almost crushing my lungs from squeezing me so tight, and just held him back as he shook in my arms.

His hands balled the back of my shirt into tight fists as I just rubbed his back in efforts to comfort him. These emotions had been building up in him for a long time, and even though I wanted to say something positive and try to make him feel better, the only right thing to do here was to let him just cry it all out. Sadness can't be healed by just wrapping a blanket of okay-ness around it.

My mother was at work and Connor was asleep, so I didn't feel the need to lock my door or anything as I held my broken boy in my arms, wishing I could fix his hurting but knowing that I might not ever fully be able to. It didn't change how much I loved him, though.

It was a long while before he somewhat calmed down, but we didn't break our embrace as I leaned back on the bed and brought him with me, wrapping myself around him in an even more comforting embrace.

"Hey, do you feel that?" I asked.

"Feel what?" His voice was deep and raw as he spoke, the sound slightly muffled since he was basically speaking into my covers. "My heart is hugging your heart," I told him lightheartedly, and I felt his eyebrows draw together against my neck.

"Yeah I kinda do," he replied with a slight chuckle, his voice still raspy. I brought my hand up to brush softly through his hair and planted a kiss on his head as he remained entangled with me.

"Good. Now do you feel that piece of my heart latching onto yours and staying with it forever? Because that's happening, and now they're always going to be together, my heart and yours, because they share some pieces," I continued, and felt a few more tears slide onto my shoulder from him, even as he had stopped shaking. "And so now you'll never feel alone with your struggles, because you know that you never will be." It was quiet for a few moments as he just took in my words.

"Can we just stay here forever please?" He asked into my neck, and I chuckled softly, still gently rubbing his back.

"For a bit, sure, but then you're gonna kick ass in that court room and I'll be there with your heart feeling all proud inside of you," I didn't even care if my words sounded weird, wanting him to get my message.

"Hm, it's usually me inside of you," he joked, and I laughed at his typical crudeness.

"For real, though, Asmodeus. You're not at all alone." I reaffirmed. "Hey, look at me ya big lug," I reached and brought his face up to above mine. His tears had pretty much dried from his cheeks and there weren't any more in his eyes as I looked into them. "You're not alone. Okay?"

"Okay," he smiled ever so slightly, and it made me smile a bit, too.

"It's a good thing we have a few hours before you have to go anywhere because now I have to cover back up a lot of your bruises," I looked over the now re-exposed patches of blue and black on his jaw, cheekbone, and right temple.