Chapter 49 A safety pin vs an anchor

Chapter 49 A safety pin vs an anchor


LILY'S POV:

"No, Anya." I cut her off. "At least do me the favor of not lying to my face right now. I might be stupid but I'm not that stupid."

The cabin was so quiet I could hear the fire crackling. I could hear Boar breathing on the other side of the room. I could hear my own heartbeat in my ears.

Anya opened her mouth but I didn't want to hear it.

I stood up and walked away from her, towards a corner, anywhere that wasn't sitting next to someone who could think those things about me.

My hands were still shaking. I pressed them together, and stared out at nothing.
There's no way I was attracted to Atlas. That was ridiculous. He was nonchalant and annoying when he wanted to be, and obvious that he needed comfort, like someone who had never been given care a day in his life. That was all it was between us. I saw something broken in him and I wanted to fix it. That was just who I was. I couldn't help it.

He saved me because I had done the same for him back at the palace. Good turns deserve another. That was all. That was everything.

I turned toward the door when it opened, and Raven came inside. His gaze first landed on me, then moved to Anya, then to the empty space between us. You could feel the tension from across the room. His brows knotted together and he looked at Boar who was already looking back at him.

Raven pointed at the both of us, first me then Anya, without saying a single word. Boar shrugged his shoulders and shook his head, turning back to rotating the rabbit meat he was roasting over the fire. The scent of it cooking hit me then, all warm and smoky, and my stomach growled so loud I was sure everyone heard it.

Boar sent a smirk my way, and even though I was still angry and upset from my fight with Anya, I managed to send him a small smile back. He just had that way about him.

Raven moved toward Atlas who hadn't spared me a single glance since he sat down in that rocking chair by the fire. He whispered something close to Atlas' ear, something that made Atlas straighten up in his chair. Raven pointed at the door, and Atlas stood up at his feet, patting Raven on the shoulder before heading toward the door.

I couldn't help it. The words came out before I could stop them. "Is something wrong?"

Was he in trouble? Had Kathy's men caught up to him already? I felt my body break out in cold sweat, my heart suddenly pounding hard in my chest. I lied when I told Atlas they just locked me up in that room. I couldn't tell the truth. It was too shameful. Every time I thought I was strong, something happened to prove me wrong.

Atlas turned at the door and grinned at me. It was mischievous, almost wicked, and it made my heart race even more for reasons I didn't want to examine.

"There's nothing to worry about, Physician Lily." His eyes flicked to Anya who was clutching her arms around herself, looking small and broken on that bunk. "I'm going to murder some people."

Anya flinched at the direct attack. Her gaze spun to mine, wide and scared, pleading with me to make him stop, to make us leave, to do something.

And because I was still angry, still hurt from her words, still feeling raw and exposed, I said what came into my head without thinking.

"Sure. Kill as many as you can. If it's for our safety, I don't see why not."

His eyes sparkled darkly at that, something shifting in his expression. "What you command is my wish, Princess Lily."

He walked out the door and closed it behind him.

I kept staring at that door even after he was gone. It was already dark outside and I was worried. Worried about him out there in the night, doing who knows what, facing who knows how many.

I finally swept my eyes away from the door and found both Boar and Raven staring at me with these weird expressions I couldn't read.

"What?" I asked, my hands opening up in front of me.

Raven just hummed, and turned away like I wasn't worth answering. Boar chuckled though, low and warm.

"You keep me on my toes, Princess." He shook his head like he was amused. "You're different."

I wasn't used to receiving compliments. Not real ones anyway. Not ones that weren't followed by someone asking for something. I let my hair fall around my face when I felt it getting hot, hoping they couldn't see.

But the way he said it, it wasn't like he was mocking me. It felt sincere and true, like I was actually different from what people called me or expected me to be.

Do Atlas think I'm different too? Does he think I'm weird for offering him comfort when I'm a married woman? He probably thinks I want to bed him.

I'm so stupid.

The thought hit me hard and I had to look away. I was clinging to him since he saved me. I was scared even of his men when I first saw them, but he was familiar. He was evil, everyone said so, but for some weird reason he was my safe space.

What about Black? A voice whispered in my head.

Black was like an anchor I needed to hold onto whenever I was drowning in that palace. He never judged me, never wanted anything from me except my company.

But you abandoned him when you found your footing, that voice countered, sharper now.

Because I was afraid. He was supposed to hold me up, not pull me down. And it just happened that Atlas gave off a familiar aura, like Black did, but I didn't know how that could be possible. They were nothing alike. One was a shadow in the dark, the other was a prince everyone hated. But something about them felt the same and I couldn't explain it.

"He will be okay."

Boar's voice broke through my mental spiral and I looked up to find him setting down a plate on my lap. The meat was perfectly roasted, still steaming, smelling so good my mouth watered.

"Who?" I grabbed the plate, warming my hands around it.

"Prince Atlas." Boar sat down on the floor near me. "He's tough. This is nothing for him."

I waved him off, maybe too fast. "I wasn't thinking about him at all."

He winked at me, this big exaggerated wink. "Riiiiight." He drew the word out in a sing-song tone.

"I mean it." I said it firmly, but he was already walking away, chuckling to himself.

I watched as he dropped another plate near Anya. She shifted away from him like he was carrying a disease.

"I'm not hungry." She pulled her arms tighter around herself. "Take your poisoned meat away."

Boar cocked his head to the side, studying her for a long moment. Then he grabbed the plate back. "More for me then."

I turned away, focusing on my own meat, trying to ignore the weight of Anya's stare on the back of my head. I tentatively tore a piece with my fingers even though it was hot, blowing on it before taking a bite.

The flavor hit me and I let out a sound, something between a moan and a hum.

"This is really delicious." I gave Boar a thumbs up, meaning every word.

He gave me this exaggerated bow and tipped an imaginary hat. "I'm good with my hands, what can I say?"

Raven rolled his eyes so hard from across the room. "Show off."

Boar spun to face him. "Do you want to eat or not?"

Raven opened his mouth, probably to snap something back, but then he just snarled and looked away.

Boar laughed, loud and genuine. "That's what I thought."

If there was one thing I noticed about them, it was how much they fought like they were an old married couple. They took turns riling each other up, pushing buttons, then backing off. It was almost nice to watch. Almost normal.

I ate my meat slowly, savoring it, and watched them argue about nothing. Raven said something about Boar's cooking being passable at best. Boar threatened to take his plate away. Raven glared. Boar laughed.

And through it all, I kept glancing at the door.

Waiting for it to open, Waiting for him to come back.

It felt wrong when he wasn't close. Like something was missing. Like the room was colder without him in it.

I told myself it was just because he was the one who saved me. The familiar one. The safe one.

I told myself a lot of things, the door stayed closed.

But I kept waiting.