not your fault
It was quiet for a while, almost too quiet before she burst out into a lajugh. This time, you could tell that she found the situation genuinely funny, looking as though i had told her something that was funny.
“i honestly can’t believe that you would even say that” she said, wiping the imaginary tears from her eyes. “how about this..” she said, bending low, to my level. “i leave you for today, and then i see if you are all talk or not” she had a smile on her face that said everything.
She was waiting for me to make the first move. “i am warning you” i said, clutching tighter unto her
“girl…” she said, kicking me to the side, leaving me there, with a little bit of blood trickling from my mouth.
“hey” Darius’ voice called to me, pulling me out from my sleep.
I had somehow managed to fall asleep from the exhaustion. “where…” i looked around, trying to take in my surrounding.
“I woke up to realise that i passed out and so did you” he said, stretching a cup, of steaming cocoa towards me.
“yeah…” i said, taking the cup and taking a sip out of the cup.
“did you.. see her?” he asked calmly, sounding as though he was too scared to say anything more.
I nodded, looking at the tea bag float around.
“this isn’t cocao is it?” i asked, taking a closer look at the cup.
“no. It hibiscus, then i added a bit of my blood in it, that’s why it is that way.
I looked up at him, my mind going blank on why he would even do such a thing. “did you see her?” he said, going back to the main question.
“why would you do that?” i asked, blinking at him.
He sighed, looking at me like i was growing another head. “why would i do what?” he asked, sounding like a fuse that was about to explode.
“why would you put in your blood?” i said, looking up at him with a bit of annoyance “look, if this is some type of…”
“Mika” he called, silencing me with his tone. “i was going to tell you. Can we have this conversation later? I just..” he took in a deep breath, tugging his hair in an attempt to hide his frustration.
“no!” i snapped, this was definitely an attempt to use me again. “i want to know and i want to know now or i swear.. "
He sighed, his breath cutting off whatever it was i was going to say.
“it is not supposed to be a big deal okay?” you could tell it was taking him everything not to lash out “i have fucked up and this is my own little way to not lash out. I just… i passed out earlier… again i could not save you, or get you out of the situation. What if she comes again? What if… whatever was in that box decides next time that it wants to make an appearance?”
I felt my heart squeeze at his words.
“did you know?” i asked my voice in a low tone.
He looked at me, a bit unsure of what to say “did i know what?” he asked after a while of there being silence in the room.
“did you know what was inside the box” he came closer to me, as though wanting to hear what i had to say.
“did you see what was inside the box? Was that what made you pass out?” he was close to me now, almost too close for comfort.
“you still haven’t told me what it was for” i said, changing the topic again.
He blew out another breath “it is for protection damn it!! why are you evading the damned question!!!!” he blew. “a little of that would at least give you a fighting chance again Aria the next time she tries to attack you!! are you happy? Now can i at least get an answer?!!” he was breathing heavily at this point
“well what do you want me to say?” i said, looking up at him, the first set of tears falling from my eyes, looking at him with anger, mostly at myself.
He opened his mouth to say something but i shook my head “you don’t understand…” i sniffed, taking in a bit of air but it just felt as though my lungs were going to collapse. “i saw it.. i saw her.” i took in air again, or at least tried to.
“Mika…” he said calmly, looking at me with calming eyes. “take in a deep breath.” that, for some reason seemed to do it for me.
I broke down completely, turning into a sobbing mess. “how do you say that” i said in between sobs, making him even more confused.
“his little lungs…. his little lungs were ripped out, his heart…” i shut my eyes tightly, trying to get rid of the image, but it didn’t go away. No matter how much i blinked, no matter how much i shook my head to get rid of the image.
Darius finally seemed to understand, hugging me tightly as i cried. “I am sorry” he said in the gentlest voice ever, making my heart break further. “I am sorry i could not do anything to stop it.” he said over and over again.
I held on to him tighter, mostly i needed it more than anything.
I found myself drifting off to sleep.
“Darius, would i ever hold him again?” i already knew the answer to that, but somehow, i hoped and wished that it would be a different answer.
I felt his breath hitch for a moment before he released his breath. “why don’t you go back to sleep, i would wake you up in the evening?” he said, the hope in his voice was very much visible.
“do you think he would ever forgive me? For letting go of him that way?” the guilt gnawed at the pits of my stomach.
He kissed my head, shocking me to my bones, “I think he knows more than anything that it was not your fault”