Sensitivity

Sensitivity
The silence of her room was thick, it was a stark contrast to the drumming of the rain outside and the howling of the wind, yet all that was nothing in comparison to the noise in her head; it was so loud.

Yaren stood just inside the door with her back pressed against the wood as she tried to brace herself against the memory of the car. The drive back had been quiet, and it had been the most agonizing drive ever.

The professor had driven with a terrifying concentration, his face had gone back to wearing it's usual unreadable mask. He hadn't met her eyes, hadn't spoken another word after she'd told him she'd never been intimate with anyone before. The air between them had been thick and suffocating, she had found it almost impossible to breathe.

She'd clamped her palm over her mouth to keep herself from making a sound as she cried quietly, something told her he'd snap at her if she dared make a sound.

She was still trembling, the residue of shock, confusing, and everything sinful continued to burn at the pit of her stomach. She moved away from the door and made her way to her bed slowly, her legs felt unsteady and they seemed to wobble with every step she took.

What was she feeling?

Now that she as away from the professor, the initial terror was subsiding, leaving behind confusion, and an unsettling blend of shame and a arousal. Her body felt like it was burning, like his touch had branded her skin and she could still feel every one of them tingling.

The rational part of her knew that what had happened wwas wrong, it had violated every rule: he's her professor, he's married, and he's older than her by at least a decade. Not to mention the fact that her family had already mapped out her future; she was supposed to stay away from any form of romantic or sexual attachments because she'd eventually return to Rize and get married to the man her family chose.

But yet, none of that bothered her than his accusation, it had stung like a slap, it had literally knocked the breath out of her for a moment. All along, she'd thought her infatuation had been a secret, she'd thought it was harmless and unnoticeable, but it seemed she'd let too much show.

It seemed the professor had been noticing everything, and he'd thought she was just one of the many girls trying to throw themselves at him. Yaren felt her heart clench painfully from the thought, but then, the fact that he had reacted that way meant she'd somehow gotten to him.

The poor, invisible nerd has gotten to the mighty professor.....

The thought unclenched her heart a bit, but still everything felt wrong. She was losing her mind, her head was aching so much and her body was trembling violently like she was having a fever.

Her panties seemed to have gotten wetter, so wet that she could feel the wetness sliding down the insides of her thighs. It was almost as though every thought about the professor.....about his touch, aroused her even more.

But Yaren refused to let herself feel what her body was telling her, rather, she felt shame. It was so thick that she could barely breathe.

She got out of bed quickly and rushed to the bathroom as quickly as the slipperiness between her legs would allow her. She needed a bath, she needed to wash away his lingering touch so her body would stop acting up, she needed to wash away the evidence of how much she'd actually enjoyed what had happened

She could still feel his hand grabbing her waist and pressing her down onto his hard bulge. She could still remember how her toes had curled, how her heart had stopped for a split second, and how a jolt of pleasure had shot through her core.

Realizing she was thinking about it again, she turned on the shower almost irritatedly before peeling of her clothes quickly and stepping under the shower. The hot water ran down her head, down to her shoulders, down to her hard and tingling nipples, and the rest of her body, but she couldn't bring herself to scrub her skin, she couldn't bring herself to wash away what was left of him.

"Oh God...." She couldn't stop herself from crying quietly. "Oh my God."

This was more serious than she thought it was, and she was only just realizing that. She was losing her mind.

The shower wasn't helping, the water running down her body only seemed to accentuate her sensitivity; she was very well aware of the water running down her thighs and caressing the area in-between almost sensually. She'd never had the strong urge to scream like she did right now.

She gripped the tiled wall for support when her knees threatened to give out.

Things had changed so drastically and she knew for sure that she wasn't the same, and she'd never be the same after this. What had happened earlier had awakened something within her which she knew was trouble, something that would end up controlling her if she was weak. And Yaren had never been more frightened about the future than she was right now.

~~

She didn't go to class the next morning. She'd woken up before dawn, and she was still restless and disoriented. For a moment, Yaren just lay there staring at the ceiling, she'd barely slept at all and her mind was still as chaotic as it'd been last night. Her body had gotten better but it hadn't gone back to normal still, she still clenched her thighs every now and then to appease the volatile area in-between.

Cross-Cultural literature studies was the first class for the day but she couldn't even think of attending. She couldn't face the professor just yet, she wasn't sure she could ever face him again after yesterday.

The thought of walking into his class, of sitting there and pretending like nothing had happened, made her stomach twist painfully. What would she even do if he looked at her? Would he look at her? Would he pretend nothing had happened?

Everything had changed so much, it felt like her work was crumbling; just like that, her scholarship was at stake, of anyone learned of what had happened she'd most definitely get into trouble. And then her internship, the one thing that has given her a lot of hope and lessened her anxiety. Without the money she wouldn't be able to help with her mom's medical bills, she wouldn't be able to do anything at all.

She'd only just thought about that now and the realization had tears stinging her eyes painfully. What had she done? If she hadn't been so obsessed with being around the professor none of this would have happened. Now that she looked at it, she'd practically thrown herself at him; she had always been around him, always insisting on staying to do a task, always being clumsy and catching his attend.

Could she really blame him for thinking she had been trying to seduce him all along?

She pulled the blanket over her head as she began sobbing quietly. She felt like screaming but she didn't even have the energy to scream, she had only just woken up but she was already tired.

The sound of someone knocking at the door softly should have made her pull herself together but it didn't. She ignored it.

“Yaren? You in there?” Jasmine's voice called out. "You missed CCL220. You good?"

She stayed quiet. Perhaps Jasmine would assume she was sleep or something and leave. She knocked once more, and when there was no response, her footsteps faded down the hallway.

Yaren let out a shaky breath, she hadn't meant to ignore her but she truly couldn't bring herself to talk to anyone at the moment. She just needed to shut the world out for a moment, she needed to hide in here until she pulled herself together.