Cracking

Cracking

Her palms felt clammy, and her breath was uneven. She didn’t even know why she was so nervous, all she knew was that her hands were beginning to tremble slightly and her heart was pounding heavily. Maybe it was because of how unreadable his face was, or maybe she was still hurt by his outburst yesterday.

She couldn't tell what he was thinking, and in every honesty, she didn't want to wait around to find out.

Finally, she swallowed hard and forced her voice to work. “Good evening, Professor.”

He nodded curtly. “Ms. Kaya.”

His tone wasn’t harsh, but it wasn’t warm either, it was just flat.

She tried to force on a smile, but her lips wouldn't comply. “I was just leaving,” she said quickly, shifting her bag higher on her shoulder and preparing to make her way around him. “Excuse me...”

“Wait.”

The single word stopped her mid-step. Her heart sank again, she mentally prepared herself to be reprimanded for almost bumping into him or something. But instead, he studied her quietly for a moment before speaking.

“How are you feeling?” he asked to her surprise.

Hee breath continued to falter.

“I’m fine now,” she replied quietly. “Much better, actually.”

He nodded once. “Good. You still need to take things easy for sometime.”

“I will.”

She wasn’t sure if he believed her or not, after all, she had turned up for work a day after the incident. His eyes lingered on her for a moment longer, as if assessing whether she was truly alright. Then, almost as an afterthought, he said:

“You can come by tomorrow. I had the shelves replaced with sturdier ones. You can help rearrange the books then.”

Yaren hesitated. She could easily have agreed and gone back to her dorm like a sensible person, but her heart wasn’t sensible, not when it came to him. It was as if the gloominess she'd been feeling has suddenly been chased away and had been replaced by the excitement she always felt when she got a chance to be around him.

“I can do it now,” she blurted before she could stop herself.

His brow furrowed faintly. “Now?”

“Yes,” she said quickly. “It won’t take long, and I’m already here.”

He looked like he wanted to object, but then, he exhaled resignedly. Saying nothing more, he turned and began walking toward his office. Yaren followed quietly behind though all she wanted to do was skip happily behind him.

~~

The office felt the same as always, it was like the first time she'd been here actually; there were stacks of books and paper boxes on the floor waiting to be arranged and organized.

The professor moved toward his chair, setting his phone and keys down before taking his seat. He didn’t look at her as he spoke. “The new shelf is sturdy, but still be careful."

Yaren nodded quickly. “Yes, Professor.”

She didn't wait for him to say anything else before she turned and busied herself immediately. She wanted to arrange as much as possible before it got too late.

The new bookshelf was indeed sturdier, it had wider planks which were smooth and perfectly aligned. A small ladder stood neatly beside it, and when she saw it, her heart gave a little twist.

He had added the ladder because of her.

He didn’t have to add the ladder because he could easily reach the top shelf himself, but he had taken the time to make sure she could reach comfortably. The thought made something warm and achingly tender stir in her chest.

But Yaren pushed the thought away quickly, focusing on the task at hand. She began lifting the books from their boxes, sorting them by the order he'd previously given her.

The space was quiet, the only sounds being the rustle of pages and the soft thud of her shoes on the floor as she moved back and forth. The professor worked at his desk, flipping through papers now and then, she tried to be as careful as possible so she wouldn't clumsily make a mess or distract him.

The silence grew heavier as time went by, the professor was probably done with the papers and he'd moved onto his MacBook. She'd glance at him every now and then to take in how regal he looked behind his desk, how perfect.

She bent to pick up a stack of books which she intended to place on the top shelf. She moved to the ladder, and though she'd never tried using one before, she climbed a few steps. Her hand gripped the side rail carefully as she reached for the upper shelf.

It would take a moment, but she was sure she'd get the hang of the whole ladder thing.

Behind her, the professor turned to look when he heard the sound of the ladder being moved. He needed to ensure she was using it rightly. But he froze as he took in the view she made:

She stood balanced on the ladder, her hair fell slightly forward as she reached for the top shelf. The sleeves of the soft white blouse she wore underneath a navy blue pinafore had been rolled neatly, the very pinafore dress which hugged her form in a modest yet unignorable way.

It wasn't all that short but when she was up the ladder like that, it revealed her legs and when more of her thighs than she intended to show. He realized he was staring, and his chest twisted uncomfortably.

Gabriel looked back down immediately. He returned his gaze to the screen of his MacBook though he was no longer paying attention to it. His pulse had quickened unexpectedly, and he despised that it had. He wasn’t some boy fresh out of college into college that couldn't control himself, he knew better than this for heaven's sake.

She was his student.

His jaw clenched as he forced himself to focus on his screen once more, but the problem was, he couldn’t focus on a single line of text. His mind kept betraying him, it kept slipping back to the image of her quietly working,

She had that kind of presence that lingered long after she was gone. And he he hated that he’d noticed.

Yaren, unaware of his internal struggle, continued working. She read the titles of the books softly under her breath as she rearranged the final row, she descended the ladder with care before crouching to gather another stack from the floor.

The professor found himself glancing up again, almost against his will.

This time, she was facing away from him, and his jaw clenched even more on seeing her bent over like that, her was almost useless at this point because it left too much skin on display, too much.

He took a slow, steadying breath. He wasn’t going to do this, he wasn’t going to let his thoughts wander where they shouldn’t. He tore his gaze from her and once again tried to focus on the task at hand. But he'd known it wouldn't be easy to get her out of his mind since he'd resulted to fucking Nadia just to clear his thoughts.

He hated this. Something in him was cracking and he truly hated it, he hated how his discipline was slipping and how hard it was getting for him to control himself.