Chapter 8

The full body massage didn’t happen. As nice as that sounded, there was no way Dane could let himself get that intimate with Lilith. Not yet. Maybe not ever, but definitely not with Big Secrets weighing down his shoulders like an albatross.

The revenge scheme was over. If it had ever really started in the first place, which he questioned daily.

His one shot at testing the waters had failed miserably during the fight that wasn’t a fight. In his head, he’d practiced confronting Lilith about how mean she’d been to him at the dance a thousand times. Of course, that had been a long time ago and not really the same as toilet paper in the first place. But even so. Never once in his wildest imaginings did she apologize and offer to put her hands all over him.

His eyes were still crossed from that unexpected twist. The hotter than hot follow up kiss maybe had more to do with his vision problems than the massage offer, though, and he’d take full responsibility for that. It had been his idea. But in all fairness, he’d been completely incapable of walking away.

Fortunately, the director had interrupted with the virtual equivalent of a cold splash of water, which Dane had desperately needed.

Instead of continuing on to what he vividly envisioned would be the evening’s natural conclusion, he shut himself away in his room with a lame excuse that had probably hurt Lilith’s feelings but he just couldn’t. No longer was she the girl from high school who had crushed his heart. Any idiot could see that she was warm and friendly and genuine. Besides, he was a full-blooded man now and hindsight was 20/20 in so many ways. They hadn’t been compatible back then and they were barely compatible now, no matter how much he wished that wasn’t true.

He had to stop this madness before it got out of hand.

In the morning, after a very long night during which no sleeping happened, Dane called Melanie and told her he had to speak to the director, and probably the producer, stat.

When he came out of his bedroom, Lilith stood in the kitchen, huddled near the refrigerator trying to get the coffee maker to work, and nursing what did appear to be some bruised feelings over his vanishing act. Dane would have to fix that. Later. After he took care of the disaster this reality show had become. He brewed her coffee as fast as humanly possible, mumbled some pithy excuse, and skedaddled before his conscience required him to stay and soothe the woman he’d married with his own version of an apology.

The producer operated out of a rented trailer, parked in a vacant lot about half a block from Vivo. Dane hoofed it to the site in less than five minutes, grateful for the exercise. He’d been hitting the resident’s gym between shoots, but it wasn’t the same as his setup at home, which he missed. He’d gained nearly twenty pounds of muscle on that equipment, and he kept a before picture of himself taped to the mirror in his workout room. Motivation. It had worked.

And for what? So he could marry Lilith incognito? Kudos to Eugene. She hadn’t recognized him, and the producer had a stellar show in the works that Dane was about to throw away. But what other choice did he have?

After rapping on the flimsy door three times, he let himself in. Both the director and the producer glanced up from what looked like a meeting at a round table in the center of the trailer.

“McClarren. You got five minutes,” the director said, as if the entire world existed to cause him grief. “And then it’s my turn. We were just laying out the big reveal episode. Your wife won’t even have to act like she feels betrayed. It’s going to be epic, especially if we can get a few more fights like last night taped. Bellissimo!”

Great segue, Italian cliché aside. “That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about. We can’t do the episode. Just forget about it. I don’t want to do any big reveal or humiliate Lilith in any way.”

There. Done. And he hadn’t choked on it. The weight lifted instantly, and he breathed for what felt like the first time since he’d walked onto that set and realized Lilith had grown up. He had too. This was a chance to see what they’d both become, not to dig up the past. That needed to stay buried. In fact, he’d love to escape this whole scene without ever telling her the truth.

“No can do.” The producer flipped a hand up in a what gives? gesture. “You signed a contract, remember? You have to deliver what you promised, or we start communicating through lawyers.”

And there was the weight again, crushing down on his chest. “Well, let’s discuss that. What can we do instead that will still deliver the ratings you want?”

“There’s no instead.” Both the producer and the director laughed like Dane had said the funniest thing they’d heard today. “We cast you on the revenge angle. Unrequited love and turnabout is fair play. That’s the only thing that will work. After yesterday, with all the sparks in the kitchen after your fight, I’m thinking the makeup scene after your big reveal will set something on fire.”

Dane’s eyelids slammed shut as he internalized that. They expected him to hurt Lilith with the truth and then charm her back into his arms? Not likely. How was Lilith supposed to stomach something like that when he couldn’t?

“Okay,” he said and forced his voice back into the lower register, which was harder than it should be, given all the practice he had. “We’re going to have to agree on some changes, or I’ll quit and then you’ll have no show.”

“You quit, and we’ll sue you for everything you have. Everything your children will have,” the producer said evenly, but his eyes glittered with dark promise and Dane didn’t for a second believe it was an idle threat.

Deflated, he sank into a chair and ran a hand over his jaw that he’d like to say was filled with rakish stubble, but he’d shaved yesterday and it would be a while until it grew out enough for a repeat. Like always, he had to work with what he had.

“I sense we’re starting to get on the same page.” The director leaned back in his chair. “We’re thinking it would be great if we filmed at a dance club. You can do the big reveal, and we’ll make sure something is in her way. She’ll trip and end up on the floor. We’ve already tasked Melanie with figuring out a way for her dress to rip.”

Images from the scene crowded into his head instantly. He had no trouble visualizing how it would play out as it dawned on her that the person she’d started caring about had orchestrated her comeuppance. It was the perfect revenge scheme. A ripped dress would only add to the humiliation. The look on Lilith’s face would be pure mortification and abject betrayal.

And one hundred percent of it would be directed at Dane. No, Eugene. She’d know the truth then, and she’d never want to be in the same room with him again, let alone allow him to pull her into his arms. Which of course, she shouldn’t. She should never have let him touch her in the first place, but she had because he’d set her up. Over something that had happened over a decade ago, no less. She didn’t deserve any of this.

Bile rose in his throat. There was literally no possible way he could participate in this debacle for another second.

Honestly, he was pretty sure he’d never had the chutzpah to pull this off, even before he realized he actually liked Lilith. Fine time to find out he didn’t have the heart for vengeance, after he’d already signed on the dotted line.

What was he supposed to do now?

The producer picked up the thread from the director. “It’ll be a little dicey to shoot at such a public place but we’re already working on it. Legal says it’s probably going to take a couple of weeks to get it all laid out. Doesn’t leave us a lot of time for the reconciliation, but I think we can pull it off.”

Okay. Good. He had a few days to figure this out, then. This was his chance to put his genius brain to work, not that he’d bought into the director’s hype on that front. He just had a little more processing power than some people, which was likely the reason his common sense function had been reduced accordingly, as he’d just learned.

He never should have let the casting agent talk him into this show. Honestly, he wouldn’t have even thought of giving Lilith a taste of her own medicine if they hadn’t primed him with the idea from the get-go.

Dane nodded once. “Then you won’t mind if I spend a few days coming up with an alternate proposal. I’ll be back.”

The pair of them went back to their bloodthirsty discussion, thoroughly dismissing Dane with scarcely a glance. No problem. They could treat him like low man on the totem pole all they wanted, but if he was such a lynchpin for the production that they had to pull out lawyer threats to keep him in line, that meant he had some leverage. He just had to find it.

When he got back to the condo, Lilith had disappeared back into her room to take a shower, as evidenced by the faint sound of running water from the invisible pipes overhead. Fantastic. That meant he had more time to think. But really, there was only one option.

He had to tell her the truth now. Before the reveal episode. Then she could quit if she wanted to. It wasn’t her butt on the line.

But the moment she emerged from the back hallway, her presence slammed into him and his entire body froze. Her face glowed from the heat of the shower, and she was so beautiful he felt it at an elemental level.

She was so out of his league. So much kinder and real than he’d ever imagined. There was no scenario where this worked out, but he couldn’t help wondering what might have been if he’d accidentally run into her at a restaurant or something.

Nothing.

He never would have approached her. And he’d have kept nursing a grudge that he should have let go a long time ago.

He didn’t deserve a minute of this woman’s time. If nothing else, he should tell her the truth about who he was so she could reject him properly, as she should. The vibe between them would fall apart and then it would be over. He could still dream about kissing her, replaying the ones he’d already stolen like a treasured memory, but she’d have the ability to move on without falling prey to his petty retribution plot.

“Hey,” he croaked and cleared his throat. “I need to talk to you.”

She nodded and sank down on the couch, gracefully pulling up one bare foot under her, as if they really were a married couple having a discussion about finances or where to go on vacation next year.

“If this is about yesterday,” she interjected. “It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”

He was going to need a little more than that to understand the context. “Which part?”

“I came on too strong. I know we have some chemistry, but that’s strictly for the show. I get it.”

Dane shook his head hoping that would rattle loose some context. “Is this about the massage? You seriously think I turned that down because I wasn’t interested?”

“Well, yeah.”

She shifted a little and he had the distinct sense she’d grown uncomfortable, which was usually his role. For some reason, the reversal settled him. Funny how that worked.

“That’s not it at all.” Emboldened by the fact that they were very close to having no relationship at all, he reached out to take her hand, tucking it into his. Strictly as a comforting mechanism. “There are just a lot of things about me that you don’t know. I didn’t feel great about getting cozy with you while you were still in the dark.”

Lilith flinched but she didn’t let go of his hand. If anything, the pressure increased. “That’s…pretty awesome of you. Dishonesty is a big issue for me.”

Great. His grip on her hand tightened as he opened his mouth to let it all spill out.

But she interrupted him before he could. “I just want you to know that it means a lot to me that you didn’t take advantage of the situation. I’m a professional, so if you’d really wanted a massage, I would have given you one with zero agenda. But you and I both know it was an invitation to take things a little deeper between us.”

“I, um…did know that,” he responded gruffly. “And trust me, I wanted to. If for no other reason than to kiss you without an audience.”

Color rose in her cheeks and it was so beautiful on her that he could hardly tear his gaze from her face.

“I think about that too. What it might be like if we’d met some other way than through a stupid reality show.” Her thumb had drifted down to his wrist, absently stroking across his pulse point, and odds were good she hadn’t missed how elevated it was. “The cameras complicate everything.”

And then some. “You have no idea how much I wish that we had met some other way.”

Maybe he would have surprised himself and actually spoken to her. Maybe that would have been a catalyst to let things unfold between them naturally after all. Too late now.

“What would we fight about if we had?” she asked with a smile that yanked one out of him in kind. “Not toilet paper, I’m sure.”

“We wouldn’t,” he said decisively. “I’m not the type to get mad about minor grievances. If we were dating in real life, I’d wake up each day grateful that the stars had aligned so perfectly as to put you in my life. Very little would bother me.”

Something warm bloomed in her expression. “That’s a lovely way to think about a relationship. Unusual.”

But true, at least in this case, though this was the longest relationship he’d ever been in. “What would you get cross over?”

“What, you mean what about you would bother me?” The space between her eyebrows scrunched as she contemplated. “I don’t know. I don’t date a lot. But based on my last relationship, I’d say I’m most bothered by it when a man cheats on me with another woman. As long as you don’t do that, I’d say we’re good.”

The look on her face axed him in the gut. “Someone did that to you? Who? I’ll pay him a visit that will end with a nice ambulance ride.”

She laughed, but he didn’t take offense. It was nice to know he still could make her laugh. “It’s okay. It was a long time ago. Best way to avoid drowning is to stay out of the deep end, right?”

“But not all men are like that,” he protested, before thinking through how fine of a line he was treading. Deception was deception, wasn’t it? “I mean, I would never even look at another women if you were mine.”

“I know.” She flashed him a brief indulgent smile. “I’m a pretty keen observer. We’ve been in public together a few times and you definitely don’t strike me as the type to check out a babe walking by.”

“When was there a babe walking by that I didn’t notice?”

For some reason, his confusion seemed to please her enormously. “Many times. I notice women probably more than the average person just because my business is their skin, hair and nails. I’m constantly looking to see if they need a manicure or how long it’s been since they exfoliated. You only pay attention to me. I like that.”

And he liked the direction of this conversation. Too much. He had to stop stalling. But the moment he opened his mouth, the condo door swung open and it was too late. The crew spilled into the room, effectively cutting off his confession.