Chapter 118 I LOVE YOUS
LUCIEN’S POINT OF VIEW.
The house was silent again, as the hollow noises in my soul quietened with a dull ache. I wanted to scream, to fight, to break something, but instead, I silenced the roar of my demons and chose to welcome the soft caresses of Sloane’s hands against my back, as well as her soft kisses against my cheek. The silence in the mansion didn’t feel soothing.
No.
It felt like something had snapped, or broken, and no amount of air would fucking fix it.
“How do you feel?” She asked, her voice soft and low, as she rubbed my back softly. I turned to her and stared into the blue eyes that were a small shade lighter than those of my mothers. They were part of what I loved most about her.
Her eyes.
They looked like the perfect shade of ocean water, the kind that you wanted to dive into and get lost in for all eternity. Not because you wanted to die, but because you knew that the waters would soothe any ache you suffered from.
“Sloane.” All I could say was her name. No. Scratch that.
All my lips could mutter was her name, I couldn’t even fucking fight it.
“Talk to me.” She whispered. We were alone now; her mother had been unable to take it, so she walked out of the living room in a sobbing fit.
“My father killed my mother,” I said, and released a sound that sounded both like a scoff and a humorous chuckle, as the sound rumbled in my chest. I stared at the small pendant in my hands as I placed it between my fingers. It was one of the most priceless things I ever owned. Not just because it was worth a couple of million, but because it belonged to the first most important woman in my life.
My mother.
It was the necklace she had on the night she had died. I remember the softness of her pale, frail hands as she weakly pushed the emerald jewellery in my hands with the little amount of strength she could muster up.
I could remember the sad smile on her face, as her thin eyebrows and pale face stared up at me. Her hollow eyes were filled with a sadness that I’d never seen in her eyes, not even when Eldric beat her or cheated on her again.
Her words never failed to haunt me, even years after she died. ‘My son, this is my mother’s necklace. It’s the second most important thing I own. You, my son.” She had said with her palm against my small beating heart.
“Are the first. And one day, you’ll find the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with. When you do, I might not be here any longer; but I don’t want you to think about it….never.” She had whispered, with a kiss to her fore fingers, before she turned them to me with a soft, expectant expression.
I followed the movement and made the promise to her. “Promise me that you’ll not lose her in grief. That you’ll love her, and take care of her, no matter how sad you are about me.”
I hadn’t wanted to, because the thought of her not being around, no longer being alive… it deeply fucking scared me, but still, I promised her with shaky breaths and shaky hands. “I promise, mama.”
“Good.” She had smiled weakly. “When you find her, give her this. But only give this to the woman you truly love, because once you give it, you can never take it back.”
“Yes, mommy.” I had whispered. The next thing I remember is my grandmother ushering me out of the room as the machines started beeping violently, and my mother jerked on the bed. I remember the way she coughed up so much blood….so much fucking blood.
“I want you to have this,” I whispered and pulled her closer to me so I could put it on her.
“What is this?” She asked, as she lowered her head for me to slide the necklace around her neck.
“My mother’s necklace,” I replied with a sad smile. Sloane stared at me in surprise, her mouth slightly open as she palmed the pendant softly.
“Are you sure? I don’t think…”
“No,” I said, convicted. Sloane was the one I wanted to have the necklace….she’s the one for me. I just knew it.
“When you find the woman for you, my son, you’ll know it. You just will.”
“I’ll never lose it.” She promised, as she stared at me with admiration. I nodded at her with mixed feelings of sadness and joy.
I wished she and my mother could have met. I wished my mother had never fucking met Eldric or married him. I wished she never even fucking looked his way….ui wished she could have had a better life, even if it meant that she wouldn’t have had me.
“You won’t fight this alone. You have me; you always have me, Lucien.” At that, I couldn’t help but smile, because I knew I would need the strength only she could give me.
“I love you,” I whispered the words I had never told her, but had felt from the very first moment I’d seen her walk through the doors of Ravenscroft High. She was the only girl who had made my fucking heart skip, who had made me fucking tongue-tied with what to say.
I remembered the way my heart pounded when she’d walked towards me for the first time, her brochure in her hands as she looked around the school. I so badly wanted to talk to her, to tell her I could show her around, but my fucking heart pounded so hard that I thought I would get a heart attack.
So I stood there like a fucking fish, until she walked past me.
“Oh Lucien…I love you too.” She whispered, speaking the words that felt like they held eternal life in them. I smiled and pulled her towards me in a soft kiss, my lips moving over hers gently, as I caressed her soft hair.
After some time, I pulled back, but the smile remained on my face.
“Don’t worry about the Killian thing,” I said. “I know exactly how to deal with him.”