Chapter 114 Selfish

Chapter 114 Selfish

HER

I didn't have the strength to get up—not physically, not mentally, and definitely not emotionally. The water from the primitive, prehistoric shower was turning colder by the minute, but I just stood there, trying to process what had happened and the absolute hurricane of emotions crashing inside me.
Every single memory that flashed in my mind felt like a brutal punch to the gut.
I had been there, but at the same time, I hadn't.
Trying to trace the root of the problem, there was only one possible answer: Derik had betrayed me. He had promised to help me escape, but instead, he was the one who had trapped me in this world in the most cowardly way possible.
He frowned for a moment, tilting his head to the side.
"What are you talking about?"
"Don't play dumb!" He just stared at me, silent. "This... whatever happened between us, this entire mating ceremony—was this your plan all along?"
"You remember?" He arched his brows, his expression softening into what looked like pure relief.
"I remember plenty. Especially the part where my consent in all of this was incredibly questionable!"
"The marks on your body have healed. That proves they were accepted by your inner wolf. Even if you don't believe in our ways, it is the truth. If any of this had gone against your true will, the wounds would be inflamed because your soul would reject me."
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, fighting back the urge to sob.
"This ceremony... it’s like a wedding, isn't it? Are we married now?"
"It is deeper than a human marriage. There is no turning back after what we just shared. Separation is impossible."
"Why not?!" I snapped, my voice rising.
He lowered his head, looking completely defeated. "I couldn't survive without you. My wolf... my very soul is anchored to yours by something far stronger than signed papers."
"And what about me?"
"What about you?"
"Could I survive without you? Can I go back to my own world right now if I want to?"
His chest began to heave violently, his breathing turning loud and panicked.
"No..." He squeezed his eyes shut, keeping them closed as he forced the words out. "Even as a human, you are bound to me now. You will never feel attraction for another male. And if either of us were to share a bed with someone else, the agonizing pain of the betrayal would be unbearable for both of us."
"Did you conspire with Derik to trap me here? To seduce me and get me pregnant against my will?!"
"No! Mate, how can you even say that to me?"
"Isn't that exactly what happened?! I was drugged so I would submit to your desires, wasn't I? If I hadn't been out of my mind, I wouldn't have let you lay a single finger on me that night! This smells like a setup, and I highly doubt you weren't a part of it!"
He stood up abruptly, his face flushed and his gaze hardening with deep offense. His voice was laced with strained emotion, though he still tried to keep it under control for my sake.
"I would never do something so vile! I would never force myself on anyone—not after what I went through in my past! You know that!"
"What I know is that you are the exact same man who dragged your mistress out of a prison cell and shoved me in there instead, just because I refused to breed for you! The same man who kept me locked up for days, planning to turn me into your forced breeder while making that toxic she-wolf the Luna of this pack! You got what you wanted, didn't you? Isn't this what you wanted the entire time? For me to be your breeder? A mere vessel to be knocked up?!"
As I screamed at him, pouring out all my bitter rage and heartbreak, I noticed his hand fly to his chest, gripping it as if he were in excruciating physical pain. But I didn't care; I didn't stop. What they did to me wasn't right in any world. I was drowning in confusion, lost on what I should even be feeling. My entire moral compass was useless here. This wasn't my world, and it felt like the lines between right and wrong had been completely erased.
I was too shattered, too betrayed. I had been forced into a marriage once before, and I had fought like hell to escape it.
Our mating ceremony was supposed to be sacred. And as much as I had felt an overwhelming rush of joy in his arms—moments where I truly felt cherished, loved, and protected by Ares—there was still a part of me that felt utterly violated. Because it shouldn't have happened like this.
I wanted to experience all of it naturally, with my mind completely clear, on a day we chose together. I wanted the dream I had always imagined, even if it meant adapting to their shifter culture. But that choice was violently ripped away from me without my consent, and I couldn't handle the war raging inside my own heart.
Ares ran a hand over his face, his eyes deliberately avoiding mine. He looked around the room frantically, as if begging to be anywhere else in the world but here, in this bedroom with me.
Without a single glance back, he stormed out, slamming the door behind him and leaving me more frustrated and confused than before.

Three days of non-stop, intense mating sex without a single form of birth control.
I couldn't even tell if I had fully consented or not. I was just too damn confused.
With a heavy effort, I forced myself to move. My body was completely battered from so much raw, unbridled "exercise." I let the water pour over my face for a while, desperately trying to clear my head and make sense of everything.
"Mate, are you okay?"
His voice sent a violent shiver down my spine, and my aching core instantly throbbed, ready for another round despite the pain!
What kind of twisted hold does this man have over my body? I couldn't possibly handle another round, yet there my needy body was, completely betraying me despite the emotional turmoil I was drowning in.
I ignored his question and turned off the shower. Just because I was on the verge of a total breakdown didn't mean I needed to waste this world's water supply; my own species had already done enough damage to ours.
"Mate, I can feel that you're not okay. Can I come in?"
"No! I'm fine. Don't worry about it."
"I just want to help you."
I closed my eyes. His voice was calm, low, contrasting sharply with my own erratic, racing, and painful heartbeat.
I heard a knock on the door, followed by his voice and Beta Tabita's. She asked a few questions, which he answered in short, tense monosyllables—confirming if I was awake, if we were good. Then, she congratulated him.
Yes. She actually congratulated him!
She congratulated us, to be exact, on our "wonderful mating ceremony" and went on about how thrilled she was for us. I didn't hear him thank her. I only heard the heavy door slam shut.
"Mate, they brought food. You need to eat, to replenish your strength."
I figured he was standing right outside the bathroom door. His voice sounded weak, way too hesitant for the powerful Alpha wolf I knew he was.
Oh, I knew exactly why that stubborn wolf wanted me to eat! He probably thought I was pregnant. In all honesty, I probably was.
From one world to another, my boundaries were never respected. My body had been violated as if it were the most natural thing in the world. I wasn't even sure about the sex itself; from what I could piece together, I had wanted it—badly. If they had laced my drink, as I strongly suspected, it had only amplified a desire that was already there. That was the most confusing part. Was this a sick plot cooked up between Derik and Ares? Or was it the doing of the Djinn and that selfish, cynical Beta?
I felt violated, yes, but not exactly by the act itself, if that makes any sense. I had known what was happening and I had craved it; I still did. Ares hadn't forced me, not even through the drug.
In this world, things weren't black and white like back home. It was messy, strange... but I knew I wanted him. Only him. My stupid, arrogant wolf and no one else. That wasn't the issue. The fact that it was him didn't change the reality that this pack, the people I met here, and Derik had manipulated me. And that made me feel utterly violated.
And yet...
I always found myself comparing this world to my old one, foolishly believing that this place might be better. But it was the exact same garbage. Everyone only cares about themselves. My autonomy over my own body didn't mean a damn thing to them, especially when they hid behind the excuse of the "greater good," the pack, or whatever justification they wanted to use. It wasn't that I was selfish; I believed in community and empathy, but under no circumstances did I want to have children.
And everyone involved knew that!
Did I not have the right to decide if and when I wanted to give birth?
Holding my head high despite my aching body, I walked out of the bathroom wrapped in a black-and-white pelt of some dead creature.
Ares was sitting on the edge of the bed, his head hanging low, his right hand covering his eyes. Hearing my footsteps, he slowly looked up, his gaze burning with deep anxiety.
He stood up, opening his mouth to speak, but I cut him off instantly, raising my hand in a sharp gesture for him to sit back down.
At least he was dressed.
"Did you plan this with them? Was this whole thing a setup?"