Chapter Fifty-Five - Jessica

My wolf woke me no more than five hours later.

Against my will, I shoved from the bed and fumbled for my grandmother’s diary.

If this wolf knew what was in here, I wish she would just tell me. My eyes burned from lack of sleep. My body begged for more sleep, but she wasn’t having it.

She pushed and shoved until my body felt alive.

The diary felt heavy in my hands. I sat back in the bed. Mason shifted next to me and peeked one eye open. “You weren’t kidding?” he asked. “It’s too early. Let’s go back to sleep.”

A growl slipped from my chest making me gasp. I covered my mouth with my palm as Mason sat up on his elbow. By his raised brow, I could tell that was a warning growl I’d just given him.

“I don’t know how to stop that,” I whispered.

Mason pressed his mouth together. “Sometimes you can’t. Remember on the four-wheelers that night? My wolf growled at Seth. I couldn’t stop him.”

“But you’re my mate,” I said.

Mason cleared his throat and averted his gaze. “Yeah, well, I’m not too sure your wolf likes me as much as you do.”

My heart hurt at that thought. My wolf loved, Mason, didn’t she? Why wouldn’t she?

She was part of me.

I sighed heavily. “I’m going to gain control of her one way or another. I won’t let her wedge us apart.”

Mason shifted and brought his big bicep over my stomach. “You should rest,” he said softly. “We have time to deal with the diary later.”

My wolf shoved me until I opened the diary. The smell of the worn pages hit my nose. I imagined my grandmother’s hand on this same diary as she wrote her thoughts.

Nibbling my lip, I found my dog-eared page and looked at the handwriting. It seemed tense. I couldn’t explain how I could see that in handwriting, but I could.

Mason's breathing evened out shortly after, and he fell back to sleep.

March 1977.

Things don’t feel right anymore.

There is something inside of me that’s…talking to me. I haven’t told Donovan. How can I? I’m no werewolf. Maybe there is something wrong with me? The pack has been distant lately. Donovan spends so much time with them.

I don’t pretend to understand. I just wait for him to come around. He’s talked about marking me. The thought of someone sinking their teeth into my neck doesn’t sound appealing.

Yet, knowing what it means makes me feel safe.

Not that I don’t feel safe now. But who would go up against a werewolf anyway?

The voice inside of me is distant. It’s hard to explain. Sometimes I can understand what she says and other times, it’s too far. Like she’s trapped somewhere inside of me.

My aunt was bipolar. Sometimes I think I’m not far behind her. Or I have multiple personalities. Donovan has enough to worry about. They patrol the town every night.

They never see anything, which is a good thing. But I can tell they would accept a challenge. I’m just not sure what they’re looking for anymore.

Mom is finished with dinner. She’s suspicious of Donovan and his friends. I don’t blame her. He shows up during odd times from the forest like he’s homeless.

Maybe I’ll tell him tomorrow.

I flipped to the next page. The writing is smoother than the day before. Like it was someone else writing it.

April 1977.

Donovan asked me to senior prom. Mom doesn’t want me to go but I said yes. I can’t wait to spend the night dancing with him without a thought of werewolves or protecting the town.

It’s hard to explain. He’s so young but his responsibility is huge. Protecting an entire community is bizarre. Mom won’t give me the money to buy a dress, so I will make it.

Maybe one day my daughter can wear it?

May 1977.

It happened. I told Donovan about the voice in my head. We were riding in his truck when she told me to bite him.

Bite him. Like I was the wolf.

He wouldn’t let me out of the truck until I told him the truth. It felt stupid coming off my tongue. I wasn’t a werewolf. He said he would speak to the pack about it.

About what? My inner voice told me to do stupid things. If I was a werewolf, why hadn’t I shifted? I didn’t want my body to contort into some beast. I was happy being the little human girl.

The weird girl that lived in the old estate apparently. Someone whispered that when I walked by the other day. I never realized our estate was weird.

No one told us that when we moved over. It seemed safe enough to me.

Though, I hadn’t heard any voices until I moved to Louisiana. I no longer missed Texas like I did. My body felt right in the estate. I felt at home. Things had completely changed since I moved to Slade Springs.

May 1977.

We went to prom. My dress was beautiful. I made it out of sheer white fabric that went well with my skin tone. Donovan looked handsome. Despite his friends lurking in the corners of the gym where they hosted our prom, it was fantastic.

He took me home; kissed me and left like I promised my mom he would do. When he turned to go into the woods, irritation flooded me. He’d dropped me off thirty minutes early to go with his pack? He couldn't stay away for one night.

Grabbing the bottom of my dress, I picked it up and followed him into the woods. Not knowing where I was going, I walked blindly into the woods. Something inside of me knew where to go.

I stopped at the small stream that ran behind our house.

The full moon was bright on my skin, giving me the light I needed to see. Three sets of eyes glowered at me from the opposite side of the stream.

Donovan shifted, leaving the other two pack members behind.

We had an argument about me following him. I had promised I wouldn’t. Tears coated my cheeks as he attempted to explain to me the reasons this was dangerous.

I knew they were, but my childish heart didn’t want to hear it.

Anger shot through me like a rocket. I fell to the ground, mud and debris between my fingers when I heard her again.

Let me.

It was soft and subtle, but it dripped with grace.

Sitting back on my heels, I looked up at Donovan’s concerned face. He reached for me when it happened.

I shifted.

My bones moved, pain coated me like acid and my body contorted, tearing my dress to shreds.

Voices moved around the forest, but I couldn’t concentrate. I stared down at my furry white paws against the mud and gawked.

Who in the hell am I? I didn’t know anymore.

I ran into the woods with Donovan hot on my feet. I ran until I couldn’t anymore. My body shifted back into my human form by the time Donovan found me.

He curled his arms around me and carried me home.

Mom had passed out waiting for me.

She wouldn’t believe my reason for breaking curfew, so I planned to make something up. I didn’t care if she punished me. Maybe I deserved it.

Maybe this was a dream.

Or even yet, a nightmare.

I dropped the diary in my lap and stared at the ceiling. Grandmother was a werewolf. It didn’t connect enough dots, but it drew the line closer. The similarities in our shifting late didn’t get by me.

We shifted once we made it to Slade Springs and found our mates.

This was in our blood deeper than I realized. Maybe our bloodline was…special?

Mason stirred next to me.

I closed the diary against my wolf’s anger and closed my eyes. I needed this rest whether she did or not. The truth was that I was afraid to find out why we were bigger than other wolves.

I was afraid of the truth.

It felt like being tossed into a dark abyss alone.

I didn’t want to be alone.