Chapter 2 CHAPTER 2
My Mom was lying deathly still, a web of tubes connected… everywhere.
The drive here had been a blur of red lights I barely stopped for and prayers I didn't believe in anymore.
"What… happened?" I croaked, the sob lodged in my throat digging like nails across a chalkboard.
The nurse in the room with me didn't seem too keen on answering my question but then changed her mind when I walked to her front, ready to pester her till answers spilled.
"She was rushed in here over an hour ago after the accident that claimed ten other lives this afternoon. Why are you just getting here?"
I blinked at her, trying to process the hostility in her voice.
Then it clicked.
Leisa.
Stanley's girlfriend.
The one who'd sent me passive-aggressive emails for months about "maintaining professionalism in the workplace" after I'd turned down her boyfriend's lunch invitations one too many times.
Of fucking course.
I should have expected as much. If her boyfriend was no longer playing nice with me at the office, why would she keep up the ruse?
It made no sense to bring that hostility into a hospital though. Stanley won after all, she should be happy her man is stealing my promotion while my Mom is lying on this bed, fighting for her life.
Not ready for another headache, I forced my feet to move to a seat and I watched her work, preparing Mom for surgery.
No matter how abnormal I was, I couldn't cover the distance between my office and this place in any shorter time frame.
Burn down buildings unintentionally, sure, but that's about it.
I watched my Mom as she lay there, unable to form coherent thoughts or figure out what to do next.
Everything I'd been worried about faded to the back as the only connection I had to humanity lay nearly lifeless for no just reason.
Harvey and Stanley could do whatever they wanted with the company, I just want my Momma back. I want this to all be a bad dream and for my day to be as shitty as it wants but leave my Mom alone.
She didn't deserve this. Not her.
It made absolutely no sense that this was even happening.
Whatever had made the bus driver decide to drink and drive was still unsolved even as he lay dead in some morgue and now he was sending my Mother in that direction.
She may not have pushed me out of her vagina but she's been the only being that didn't look at me with fear, spite, or both.
I didn't know when I'd begun taking her for granted, called less, visited less but I'd been so buried in work and I couldn't even get a damn promotion for it.
And now, it seemed I was on borrowed time as the beeping sounds around the room kept reminding me how fragile everything was.
A doctor walked in, his glasses in his pocket.
"Miss Ferguson?"
I jumped to my feet.
"What's the status, doctor? Will my mother be fine?"
He looked at me warily, like I'd asked him if the sky was green.
"The bus collided directly with her, and it led to the tumor growing bigger."
"Tumor?" I gasped, "What tumor?"
I ignored the sound from the nurse. I couldn't focus on anything but the words the doctor was saying, the meaning, the guilt crashing over me in waves.
"You… you didn't know?"
"She never told me about anything, she was fine, she just got back from vacation for god's sake!"
"Shh! There are other patients in the hospital!"
"Let her be, Leisa," the doctor snapped but I was going crazy, struggling to comprehend the words I was hearing.
"There's… It's impossible."
"I'm sorry you're just finding out now," the doctor sighed, and I could tell he meant it. His eyes softened just a fraction. "If the accident hadn't happened, she might have had another year or two before it got out of hand."
"But you can do something right? You can remove the tumor? We can do… something," my voice broke, a shudder passing through me.
"There's about a ten percent chance this surgery will save her," he breathed out. "I have to be honest with you, the odds aren't good. But if you want us to try, we will."
"Do it," I grunted.
I heard a scoff by my right and I swerved to the nurse who was still writing something on a clipboard.
"Do you have a problem with me?" I snapped.
Her eyes narrowed but before she could vomit more venom, the doctor replied to me.
"Your Foster Mom will be taken in for surgery in twenty minutes. You should… You might want to say goodbye. Just in case."
"She's my mom!"
"My apologies."
His eyes showed he didn't think I was being realistic but I already have enough guilt to last me a lifetime. I couldn't survive knowing there was a tiny chance of her survival and I didn't take it.
I might as well have choked her to death myself.
Why did she hide this from me?
I know I've been absent, the worst actually but still…
Didn't she trust me enough to tell me?
The surgery would cost me every dollar I'd scraped up but I was going to risk it.
I had to.
I won't be able to bear it not knowing if I could have done something to change the outcome.
A ten percent chance is still a chance, right? Or maybe I'm being fucking delusional but I didn't know what else to do.
I couldn't ask her about what to do like I've always done, not when she could barely breathe on her own.
I sat closer to her bed, placing my hand on hers, scared to hurt her by squeezing.
I looked at the ebony coloured woman who had lived her life to the fullest, until now that is.
"I'm so sorry I'm such a disappointment," I whispered, looking at her through glossy eyes.
Even though she had her hands full with me, she still took time to have fun, especially with her friends.
None of them understood why she picked this particular child instead of getting married and having her own kids.
I never asked, scared she would leave me as everyone else did.
But she didn't look so vibrant anymore. She'd barely been here a full hour and her cheeks were sinking in already, like her body was already giving up.
The hospital attendants came and pushed her to the surgery room and I followed but was stopped at the door.
And thus began a four-hour wait that nearly drove me mad.
I walked around the lobby, sat down, tried to peep into the surgery room, and lay down on the bench, doing everything I could to hold in the sobs lodged in my chest.
I texted people I thought should know.
I bought coffee I didn't drink from a vending machine that looked older than me.
I watched other families get good news, bad news, and no news.
Finally, the door opened and I jumped up, rushing towards the doctor who was walking out with a frown on his face.
My heart lurched in my chest, a strange feeling crawling up my spine.
His lab coat had a bloody stain on it and… he finally looked at me.
And his head began moving from left to right, in slow motion, or was it my eyes?
"What… what is it?" I managed to whisper.
"I'm so sorry," he said quietly, shaking his head. "We did everything we could, but her body couldn't handle the trauma. She coded twice on the table and we managed to bring her back, but the third time…"
"She's dead," Leisa cut in from behind him, her voice flat. "You need to go home and come back tomorrow to handle the paperwork—"
"Leisa!" The doctor barked at her, then turned back to me. "I'm very sorry for your loss."
"She's gone?" I murmured, unfeeling yet overwhelmed.
He replied or something but all I could hear was a ringing sound in my ear and the sudden flash of light in my eyes before darkness took over.