Chapter 45 - I Am a Demon - mduno
I furrowed my brow. Wasn't this the first time? He said that with another intention, his look was mischievous.
"That thing about your estate that time... Was it intentional?"
"You'll never know. And I'm not keeping you locked up, Vida. I blocked the staff entrance, you can come and go as you please." He took my hand. "Come, I'll show you the rest of the estate, do you want something to eat?"
"I'm not hungry."
My heart was in my throat, Roland glanced at me out of the corner of his eye, and I felt my heart race. Why was I so nervous? What was about to happen was what I'd wanted since I met him, now don't get silly, Veronica.
We toured the place and at each stop, we kissed, and the caresses became more heated, the subtle touches of his hand on my breasts, I liked that, we left memories in every corner of the house, kissing passionately. When we got to the kitchen, he took out a pitcher of blackberry juice and offered me a glass. How does he manage to control every moment of excitement?
"Yesterday I called Juana to leave the house with the essentials and food in the fridge, I don't want any staff around," he replied as if he had read my mind.
"And who is Juana?"
"The administrator's wife."
"So, you have everything planned out." I finished the juice and went to wash the two glasses.
"I wouldn't be me if I wasn't like this."
He commented. I found myself once again with a sophisticated dishwasher system, very different from what everyone knows, it didn't have the traditional dishwasher. It was a flat countertop, I looked to both sides, I didn't see where to wash the dishes.
"Excuse me, Roland, how are the dishes supposed to be washed?"
My boyfriend smiled, placed his fingerprint on the panel in front, and a screen unfolded. I read the tabs. One of them said dishwasher, and when pressed, a drawer unfolded on one side. A hidden digital automatic dishwasher.
"Leave them there, Juana will wash them tomorrow."
He took my hand, we went upstairs, everything was electronic, you just had to place your fingerprint on the panels next to the doors of each room, activating the slide to the side. Like in a high-level science lab or one of the spaceships from Star Wars, with very Colombian and natural materials. I couldn't help but smile at that thought. Roland spends his fortune creating architectural beauties, there were many rooms, but we entered the largest one.
"Where does your staff sleep?"
"On the other side, there's an apartment with capacity for fifteen people, and it's connected to this house by a door."
"Is there a special reason for so many rooms?" He shrugged, then kissed my forehead, not saying anything about it. I sighed. "Are they to share with your friends? Right?"
"Yes, and one is for Inés." He glanced sideways. "We'll sleep here tonight."
My heart skipped a beat again, starting to race a thousand miles an hour. I want to stay naked in his arms. Well, what am I waiting for to get into his bed, and as if he had read my mind, he bit his lip.
"Everything in due time."
I burst out laughing, showing how nervous I was.
"Why the delay?"
He didn't say anything, played with my fingers, and finally took a deep breath.
"Because I'm nervous."
If there was any doubt left in me about giving myself to him, it disappeared with that answer. My eyes welled up, he kissed my forehead, left the room, and waited for me on the stairs. It had gotten dark, and with the day's hustle and bustle, I was tired from the tour we had in the afternoon after lunch.
D'Artagnan didn't stop playing, we rode horses, Roland had some beautiful fine-step horses, they were gorgeous. We toured the estate, I was on a beautiful brown horse, he on a lovely jet-black stallion named Amón. I sighed. Despite my career, I haven't gone much to my father's estate.
It had thousands of hectares, livestock, and I was surprised by how much he knew about the cattle world. His eyes sparkled as we passed the stables, he watched the vaccination being done by the foreman and the helpers. It was a big surprise for everyone to see him accompanied by a woman.
The whispers among the workers' wives confirmed that I was the first woman to set foot on these lands, the estate was called El Arenal. He exuded an air of wisdom, he was passionate about the countryside, and it didn't seem like it, I never would have imagined it.
"Shall we have dinner?" he asked as we entered the house.
"I want to take a shower first."
I didn't see it, but I got the impression he smiled at my comment.
"Go ahead, in the meantime I'll prepare dinner."
"Wow, you're really invested in the conquest."
Laughing, he took a plate from the fridge with something wrapped and turned on the stove, which I never thought was one.
"Where do you get so much technology?" I asked.
"From the internet, go shower, don't take long."
I laughed. It was already dark outside and it wouldn't be long before we could spend time together. I felt like Roland was dragging things out, and to me, it had seemed like torture. I took my time in the bathroom, shaved, and applied the creams he had in his new drawers meant for women. It was time to be with Roland, and I wanted him more than anything in the world. My nerves increased, and I laughed to myself thinking about the sensations I was about to dive into.
I grabbed the towel and wrapped it around myself. I hadn't brought any underwear—oh well. I left the bathroom. He was waiting for me on the bed wearing only boxers, freshly showered and smiling. The air conditioning barely cooled the room.
My heart was pounding a mile a minute. I couldn't help but smile, couldn't move. He was the one who got up from the bed, walked over to me, and with his nose, asked for permission to kiss me. After a long and somewhat rough kiss, rougher than I was used to, he tangled his hands in my hair and bit my lip, pulling the towel off me with his other hand and tugging at my hair a bit.
He looked at me like a predator analyzing its prey, and at that moment, the fear changed. It was no longer the fear of giving myself to a man, but the fear that he might hurt me. The women in Santa Marta had all agreed that he was rough, wild in bed, and his eyes confirmed it. He pinned me against the wall, pinched my nipples, not gently at all. I didn't like it and I complained. I didn't want it to be like this, not the first time. I began to resist.
"Relax." He took off his boxers and pressed his erect member against my sex.
"Roland!"
He looked at me differently, his sadistic expression delighting in my body. My nerves turned to terror, and memories of that night when they tried to rape me came flooding back. Roland lifted me as if I weighed nothing and laid me on the bed. I closed my legs, struggled, I didn't want it, I was so scared.
"Veronica?"
I was afraid he would rape me, tears slipped down my cheeks unbidden. He looked bewildered, stepped back as if someone had thrown a bucket of cold water on him.
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
I didn't answer, covered my body with the bedspread. He clenched his fists and I was afraid he would hit me, I closed my eyes, waiting for his reaction.
"I would never hurt you. Never!"
I didn't open my eyes. Why was I so scared? I knew he wouldn't hurt me, why did I act so childish? The door slammed shut, and I began to tremble, feeling a wave of shame. I needed to calm my heart.
"What did you do, Veronica?"
I whispered to myself, this was what I had wanted, why did I ruin it? This wasn't how I imagined my first time, I thought it would be gentle, tender. I remembered that moment in the bathroom on my graduation day and that afternoon in Santa Marta, or on the yacht. But not like this, not so rough. I waited to calm down, trembling, feeling like a perfect idiot.
After a long time, I got out of bed naked, took some of Roland's clothes from the drawer, got dressed, and took a deep breath before leaving the room. Darkness reigned upstairs, I went down the stairs, heard music, saw a light on in the living room, the only sign of an inhabited house. When I got there, Roland was wearing only sweatpants and holding a glass of whiskey. He noticed my presence and looked at me... sadly?
"Want a drink?" I shook my head. "Since I’ve known you, I’ve drunk more whiskey than in my twenty-eight years of life, I already told you that."
I didn't move. If I had scolded myself for being foolish before, now I could congratulate myself for being such an idiot! Why did I think he could hurt me?
"Nothing ever goes as I want and think, I should have that as a universal rule with you." He took another sip, smiled sadly. "But if I declare it, you'd change it again."
"Roland..." He raised his hand, and I chose to stay quiet.
"Veronica, I'll say this once. I'll translate the meaning of a word that sums up my life. I told you when I went to your house after the trip to Santa Marta, I am a fucking demon!" My heart pounded hard, was he going to break up with me again? "I am a thief, a hitman of the worst kind, a loan shark, promiscuous, damn perverted, a conman, manipulator, human scum." He looked at me, and there was so much pain in his eyes.
"And I didn't give a damn about what I was." His eyes fixed on me, and without looking away, he took another sip of whiskey, sitting on the couch. "I didn't give a damn about my life or life itself until a pair of pretty honey-colored eyes came along to mess everything up! I am a damned demon, and I didn't give a damn about the world. But having those eyes look at me for what I am, it hurts, I don't like it."
"Don't talk like that," I said. "Don't talk about yourself like that, that's not how I see you."
"A few minutes ago you saw me as the demon I am. Of all the sins, rape is not on the list."