Chapter 43 - Do You Forgive This Demon? - Mduno
I got really nervous when I heard his voice. My friends stopped hugging me when they saw Roland leaning against the door of my car.
"I think I'll have time to do something different. Can you help me, Raúl?"
"Guys," my boyfriend called them. "Rata wants to talk to you."
They looked at each other and walked out to the platform, crossed the street, and reached where he was waiting by the car. My hands started to sweat as he approached.
"I'm sorry for what I said to you." He crossed his arms, waiting for me to take the initiative, but I didn't say anything or move. He sighed. "Forgive me, don't make me repeat it, please."
I couldn't find the words. I wanted to say so many things, even slap him for being rude, but I couldn't. I stayed still.
"Verónica, please," he whispered. "I hate Christmas because..." He was struggling with himself, about to tell me. Don't say anything, let him talk. "When I was a kid, I loved it. My mom and I... Every first of December, we would decorate the house. The problem is that she left me with..." He found it hard to speak.
"The last time I saw her, she showed that she cared. We were about to set up the Christmas tree. That afternoon, she kissed me on my face to... Then... She abandoned me in December. I was only seven years old, Verónica!"
My chest tightened at the thought of him as a child, crying because of the abandonment.
"I hate Christmas because it reminds me of the abandonment by the woman who brought me into this world. I hated her because she chose to leave with... It was her son. For a while, I thought... Maybe she believed I wasn't good enough. I..."
"Don't say any more," I soothed him. "Forgive me."
Roland kissed me in a different way, not with anger but with desperation, as if my lips could calm him. After a long kiss, the intensity lessened, and we ended with gentle pecks.
"We need to light the candles at my place," I smiled.
"Are you sure?"
We looked at each other. The car he arrived in stopped in front of us. Simón tossed him my car keys, and he caught them in the air.
"The surprise you left in my bed, I missed it tonight, right?" I confirmed. "Teach me to live a little in your world and forgive me, Love."
"I didn't make you repeat the word 'forgive me.'" I kissed him. "Hurry up."
I closed the door of our apartment and got into the car. We let the candles burn out on their own. When we got to his house, we sat on the stairs, watching the candles in the lanterns burn down.
Cebolla, Raúl, Simón, Lorena, and the rest of his select group of trusted men, ten in total, also watched or rather felt what was happening, that warmth in the soul when magic occurs. Inés, off to the side, silently wiped her tears. She looked at the sky and then at all of them.
I did the same. I realized that they were an independent world, so different from each other, each with their own challenges, problems, and good or bad lives. Whether for society or a particular group, in that group of friends and acquaintances, there were hitmen, a homosexual, a prostitute, a drug dealer. I can assure you that each of them would face death to save our lives.
So, I wonder, what was right and what was wrong? There was nothing nobler than giving your life for a loved one. My two friends would do it for me, just as Simón and his friends would do it for Roland. I would do the same if their worlds depended on it.
God's creation was so vast and quite complex to understand, though that was the Creator's task. Many of them were like that because of rejection, at some point in their lives, either by society or by their family.
So, I wonder. At what point, God, was the path of life so fragile that it could change a destiny, and why did you put me in each one's path? For what? What do I contribute, and what do they contribute to me?
I hadn't strayed if it was true what they say: "Tell me who you walk with, and I'll tell you who you are." And they never asked me to do anything they did. Lorena never suggested I become an escort. On the contrary, she was reluctant to bring me into that world, the same as Raúl, and not to mention my boyfriend and his companions. Why did they protect me?
"What are you thinking about?" I looked away. Roland was analyzing me in such a tender way.
"In how different we are."
"Very different."
He smiled, looking at his men. Inés had now sat in a rocking chair, watching them like a mother caring for her children while they tended to some simple candles. They smiled and occasionally got lost in their thoughts.
"How different are we?" I asked. "We have the same wonders of life." He furrowed his brow.
"I don't see pyramids in any of us." I smiled. After all, he was an architect.
"To me, those aren't the wonders. I once heard in a lecture about the Creator's wonders, and they are the senses: the ability to see, speak, breathe, eat, touch, and feel the love in what surrounds us." I don't know how to describe Roland's look, his eyes sparkled. "Those are the wonders, love. The rest are beautiful constructions, but they are material things that without sight, you couldn't even appreciate as such. Those are the wonders of the architectural world." He furrowed his brow. "All of us here have the main five wonders given by God, and yet we are so different."
"What's your point, Veronica?"
"That I don't know where life changes, what fragility makes a human stray from the right path." I looked at them. "Look at Lorena, we are from the same town, daughters of respectable women, raised with the same values, and she chose to sell her body, and I haven't done that yet." Roland caressed my cheek.
"Because everyone has a destiny, I imagine that must be another wonder of your God."
"He is your God too, Roland."
I sighed, and he put one leg on each side of my arms to hug me from behind. He rested his chin on my head, interlaced his hands, and held me close.
"A moment ago, when you were in the kitchen with Inés, I asked them why the day of the candles was so important and the meaning of lighting them. They answered that it wasn't relevant to light the candles if you weren't by their side."
I looked at Roland and turned my back to the boys. He took my chin.
"For them, according to Lorena, it's because they know they are sinners and in the eyes of a Supreme Being, they are already lost in sin. But having you by their side, sharing certain events, makes them feel closer to the Lord God. To Raúl, you are an angel, Veronica, and I agree with both of them. Wherever you go, you leave a mark." My eyes filled with tears.
"Until today, I understood what you mean to me. I swear, I wouldn't be able to let anything bad happen to you, I don't want to lose that way you look at me right now, I couldn't. To me, Veronica, you are the light in the middle of my filthy life, and for the other half, you are the rainbow that brought color to that black and white neutrality."
I kissed him. He held onto me, and his kiss encompassed my understanding.
"Will you let me into your world?"
I said as we barely separated. His look was that way he had when he didn't agree with what I said.
"Never!"
I shrugged. Before I could speak, he took my hand and helped me up.
"With you, I must learn to manipulate clay." Did he just call me a child? "You will never enter that world, Veronica, I don't think an angel could withstand a place like that."
He caressed my cheek with such tenderness, it seemed unreal. If it weren't for living it, I would never believe a man like Roland could be so tender.
"Don't make me be more specific, I've experienced enough with you. You will never enter that world I want to leave."
"That could be a big problem."
He smiled maliciously. I wanted to know what was going through his mind.
"I confess, I don't know where a demon and an angel will end up."
I stood on my toes, and he leaned down to kiss me.
"You will love me as I love you, and don't be scared by what I'm going to tell you."
He silenced me with his finger. I wanted to confess my feelings. I have never been a normal person, I had never fallen in love before, and without thinking, I would give my life to save him.
"Don't say it, because it would scare me." I smiled, pressing my forehead against his chest, and we hugged tightly. "This scares me a lot, Veronica. Sometimes I don't know how to handle it, be a little patient with me."
I smiled. That was another phrase he was repeating constantly.
"I'm not going anywhere, I am where I want to be and with whom I want to..."
"Spend a lot of time." He finished the sentence. I bit my lips. "Thank you for forgiving this demon."