Lukas’s kiss is different this time. It’s not tentative. Not testing the waters. His lips find mine like he’s been waiting, and not patiently. I don’t pull away. I lean into it, and the sound he makes, half groan, half sigh… Well it sends heat spiralling low in my stomach. He deepens the kiss, tilting his head and dragging me tighter against him, effectively trapping me in place. Everything else fades, every worry, every awkward moment, every overthought reaction just melts away. One of his hands slips into my hair, threading through the strands like he needs to anchor me there. The other is pressed into the curve of my lower back, firm and unrelenting, like he’s afraid I’ll vanish if he lets go. He doesn’t need to worry about that. I don’t want to leave at all. Right now I’m struggling to think of a single reason why we shouldn’t just stay and keep doing this all day. I run my fingers through his hair and then wrap my arms around his neck, holding him as tightly as he’s holding me. When I finally pull away, it’s only because I need to breathe again. I’m completely breathless and my brain is barely functioning. Lukas appears to be suffering from the same problem.
“I really wouldn’t describe it as suffering.” He says dryly, his voice low and still just the tiniest bit breathless. I can’t help it, I start giggling. And it’s not just a little laugh. No, it’s full on, out of breath, post makeout giddy laughter. Lukas’s shoulders start shaking too, and then he’s laughing, and we’re just… A complete mess. A warm, tangled, elated mess. Except I’m still kind of breathless, so my laughter ends up being more of a wheeze than a proper laugh. My arms are still looped around Lukas’s neck because, frankly, I need the support to stay upright, and he buries his face in my shoulder, muffling the sound of his own laughter. We probably look completely ridiculous. Eventually, we calm down. The moment settles into something quieter, and far more peaceful. I pull back slowly to look at him. His hair is a disaster, and there’s a smile stretched across his face that does dangerous things to my heart. All I can think, of all the millions of things I SHOULD be thinking about, is that I messed up his hair again. Oops? Lukas snorts softly and runs a hand through his hair. It doesn’t help the problem at all. Actually, it kind of makes it worse. His hair has gotten longer in the past few weeks, I notice absently. I wonder if he likes it that way, I’m about ninety nine percent sure that he’s the kind of person who just picks a style and sticks to it forever. He probably hasn’t had a chance to get it cut lately with all the drama we’ve been dealing with. I bed it bothers him. Maybe we could make time this afternoon… Assuming we survive talking to my aunt and don’t get chased, cursed, or have a car explode. Again…
Lukas clears his throat loudly. I blink.
“Hmm?” I respond vaguely, turning my attention back to him.
“I would definitely appreciate it if we could find time for a haircut.” He begins, clearly amused.
“And I sincerely hope we don’t get blown up either. But before your thoughts run off to schedule the rest of the day… Can I have your attention for just a minute longer?” He asks gently.
“Oh. Right. Yes. Attention, now. Got it.” I snap back to reality. He shifts slightly under me, using his hands on my hips to keep me steady as he gets comfortable. When he speaks, he keeps his tone casual, but there’s something serious in his eyes.
“I kissed you just now. That makes three times.” He says evenly. And just like that, I’m flustered all over again. Damn it. I was perfectly happy not talking about… Whatever this is. I mean, yeah, it’s fair that he would want to talk about it. And yeah his unspoken point is completely right. One kiss is a fluke. Two, we could maybe blame the heightened emotional stress the last few weeks have obviously caused. But three? Three is a pattern. An intentional pattern. It’s weird how comfortable I am with the actual kissing part. It’s the talking about it that makes me want to crawl under a blanket and hide. Can’t we just give it another week before we start unpacking emotions? A deadline. That feels like a good idea. Save the emotional conversations after we survive dealing with Solem and make sure that we’re all safe.
“Hey.” Lukas says gently, interrupting my mental spiral.
“No overthinking, remember? I only have one question for you. That’s it.” He says softly. Just one? Huh… Alright.
“Okay.” The word comes out quieter than I mean it to, almost timid. Timid. Ugh. I am NOT a timid person. Pull yourself together, Clare. Why are emotions so damn hard?
“Are you okay with what just happened?” Lukas asks, his voice calm. I blink. That’s it? That’s what he wanted to ask?
“For now. Yes.” He answers my unspoken question, still watching me carefully.
“Oh.” I exhale slowly, the tension easing from my shoulders a bit. That’s a question I know the answer to at least.
“Well… Yeah. I am. I’m okay with it.” I admit honestly. That part, at least, I’m sure of. It’s everything else, what it means, what comes next, that makes my brain short circuit. But the kissing? Yeah, I’m good with that. I would very much like to do that again. I would have thought my enthusiastic participation would have been enough to make that clear. Lukas shrugs.
“Maybe.” He says,
“But some things need to be said out loud.”
When I try to slide off Lukas’s lap, I very nearly topple over. Apparently, my knees are doing their best impression of jelly. Not that I can blame them. I mean… That was a lot. Still, if anyone’s entitled to wobbly legs right now, it’s probably Lukas. He’s the one who had a whole person sitting on him. Sure enough, when he stands, he limps forward with an awkward little stagger. I burst into a giggle. He shrugs like it’s no big deal.
“My leg fell asleep.” He says, far too casual for someone currently dragging a limp limb behind him. Still sniggering, I wander off to the bathroom to finish doing my hair. I’m just pinning the last of it up into a messy bun with a decorative hair pin when Lukas appears behind me in the mirror. He reaches into his pocket and places something on the bathroom counter. My lipstick. For some reason, seeing it again makes me blush. It’s stupid. I know it’s stupid. It’s just a tube of lipstick. But also… It’s not. It’s THIS lipstick. The lipstick I was going to put on before he pulled me into his lap and kissed the absolute sense out of me.
“Thanks.” I murmur, picking it up and trying to act like I’m not emotionally compromised by a small tube of tinted wax. While I finish up, Lukas pulls out his phone and starts typing. I glance at him in the mirror.
“Who are you texting?” I ask nosily.
“Julian.” He answers absently. I turn to look over my shoulder.
“Julian as in my brother Julian?” I ask, baffled. Lukas nods, not even looking up. What the hell?
“Uh… Since when do you text my brother?” I ask, trying to keep my voice from sounding too concerned.
“Since the first day we met.” Lukas replies, still distracted. “I gave him my number for emergencies. He’s been checking in to see how you’re doing.” He explains. I blink at him.
“You did? He has? Why doesn’t he just ask me how I’m doing?” I wonder aloud. Lukas finally looks up and shrugs like this isn’t a completely bizarre development in my life.
“He says you just tell him you’re fine. Apparently, my answers are more detailed.” He tells me.
“What kind of detailed?” I ask, my voice rising slightly. Lukas doesn’t respond. Instead, he just hands me his phone. The chat with Julian is already open. I scroll back to the top.
Julian (Clare’s brother)- Hey Lukas, how’s my sister going?
Lukas- She’s stressed out and tired, but as optimistic as ever. She has a tendency to ignore her feelings and doesn’t always take care of herself. But she didn’t request ice cream tonight, so I’d say she’s coping okay.
I groan and scroll down, bracing myself for more.
Julian (Clare’s brother)- Checking in again. How are you both doing?
Lukas- I’m well. I have concerns about my family, but Clare has been supportive and I feel our relationship is developing well lately. She’s doing fairly well. Her eyeliner was a little elaborate this morning, so I was concerned she might have needed the extra self care, but she seems okay overall.
I scroll through a few more. They’re all like this. Lukas provides these ridiculously specific, borderline terrifyingly observant updates about me, down to how much makeup I wore or what I’ve eaten, and sometimes he just casually overshares about himself. Julian doesn’t seem remotely alarmed. In fact, he replies with equally mundane updates about his own day, like this is a totally normal way for two people to interact. I lower the phone slowly, staring at Lukas like he’s grown a second head. What is even happening? When did Lukas get so close to my brother and why am I kind of jealous?