Chapter 134 Her Interpretation

Chapter 134 Her Interpretation
Alex

We had been working on this next mission for just over a week. The amount of logistics for an operation with this many variables, and this many connected people took longer than going after 1 Regional Alpha. I was still working not only on the dossiers for all of these Alphas, but also on any financial information, shipping information, as well as all of the information on all of the women connected to it. I was sad I hadn't thought to provide information about the women. It might have helped at Tomlinson’s, but then again it might not have. I was working on it for this one though. 

Cody came up to me and hugged me from behind, then he kissed my head. He heard me sigh, and he pulled back and tilted his head, “Hey baby, what’s wrong?”

I could feel myself getting emotional, and I knew some of it was just pregnancy hormones, some was just frustration, and there was probably a bit that was being thrown at me from working on the information of all these women. I blinked and tried to reel myself in, but I wasn’t going to brush it off, I just didn’t want to unload on him. 

I turned and looked at him, and seeing the love on his face kind of made it harder, and I felt a tear escape before I could stop it, and he looked alarmed, I brushed it away angrily, mad that I hadn’t kept it locked down better than that.

I was very glad that we were in my office, and not the main area of the control room. I didn’t want to be all emotional in front of the others, not to mention, this topic wasn’t something I just wanted to blurt out in front of everyone.

“Do you still want me Cody? Are you all treating me with kid gloves because you don’t want me anymore but don’t know how to tell me, or don’t want me to lose it or something?” 

“What the fuck baby? Do you really think that? I have told you that I still want you and love you, so what is bringing this on?” He looked distressed and I tried to look away, but he cupped my chin and turned me back to him.

“You don’t really touch me anymore. You are all so fucking careful when you touch me, you don’t kiss me anymore, you kiss my forehead or my hair, you don’t kiss me anymore. So, I thought maybe the idea of kissing me was repulsive now or something because you knew someone else had done it.” More tears escaped and I tried to look away.

He stepped closer, and he cupped my whole face so that I was looking at him. He lowered his head and kissed me, but it was a soft brush of lips, not the passionate kisses I had always been used to with them, so it still felt like it was a substitute or they were trying to placate me, and not really being honest with how they felt somehow.” 

I pulled back and looked up at him searching his face, and I didn’t see that passion anymore. That heat that they couldn’t hide when they looked at me. The look that told me they were peeling off my clothes from across the room, and my hormones went wacko and I just had to get away. I just nodded, pulled away, and left the room at a very fast walk. 

Cody

I am absolutely confused and baffled about what just happened? Had we really made her feel like that? I had kissed her, but she pulled back and looked at my face, and I guess whatever she saw or didn’t see upset her even more, cause then she practically ran from me. I’m honestly not sure what is happening or what I did, or we did, or whatever the fuck. I know we have to fix it because somehow we are dropping the ball big time.

If my woman, whom I love and want more than anything, thinks that we don’t want her anymore, we have done something very wrong. So, now we need to figure out what the hell to do to fix it. I never want her to question us or our love or desire for her.

I walked into the control room and just watched the door from which I knew she had just left. I am sure I had a confused expression on my face. I saw Valenciaga watching me and I’m sure he had seen her leave and he might have seen her tears, I’m not sure.

“She is having problems?” I nodded.

“She thinks we don’t want her anymore.” He nodded as something clicked for him.

“I’m not sure how we have given her that impression, but I know we need to fix it because that is the furthest thing from the truth that there is.” Again he nodded.

“When Satine came home, we had something similar happen, after she had been home for about a month. I found her throwing out all of her lingerie and crying. When I asked her why she said it was because I would never find her sexy, or lust after her as a woman. She would always be broken and used to me. Those were from before, when I desired and wanted her more than anything and I showed it in every touch and look. My treating her with kid gloves had done the opposite of what I wished. While I was trying not to make her remember, or push her too hard, my pulling away made her believe I no longer found her attractive as a woman, and that when I looked at her I saw all of the other men who had abused her. That idea and the way she thought and felt didn’t change until the day I finally made love to her.”

I whirled looking at him with huge eyes and my eyebrows raised, “What?”

He nodded, “Yes, while I thought I was doing the right thing, it had actually been harming and hurting her because she thought by not showing her my desire for her that I no longer felt it. So, now she is extremely aware that it is not the case and that I still desire her and that nothing in this life will ever turn me on as much as my woman.” 

I just stood there for a moment, nodded to him, and then left, he was grinning behind me as I did.