Chapter 12: Difficult Choices

Chapter 12: Difficult Choices


"Hey," Jake says, then stops when he sees my expression. "What's wrong?"

"Your ex-wife is in town."

Jake goes very still. "Lisa's here? In Cedar Falls?"

"She came to see me. She wants you back, Jake."

For a long moment, Jake doesn't say anything. He walks over to the windows and looks out at the street, his jaw tight. I watch the way his shoulders tense, the way his hands clench into fists at his sides, and I realize that Lisa Morrison still has the power to affect him deeply.

"What did she say to you?"

I tell him about the conversation, leaving out the part about her offering me a job in Chicago. That feels too manipulative to repeat, and I want to see how Jake reacts to the rest of it first.

"Son of a bitch," he mutters when I finish. "She had no right to come here, no right to involve you in this."

"Jake, why didn't you tell me she was trying to contact you?"

"Because she wasn't. At least, not directly." He runs a hand through his hair, a gesture I've learned means he's trying to process something difficult. "I've been getting emails from mutual friends, people saying Lisa was asking about me, wondering if I was happy. I figured she was just curious about how I was doing."

"Maybe she's been working up to this for a while."

"Maybe." He turns to face me, and I see a mixture of anger and something else—hurt, maybe, or disappointment. "Grace, I need you to know something. Whatever Lisa said to you, whatever she offered or promised or threatened, it doesn't change how I feel about you."

"How do you feel about me?"

The question comes out more vulnerable than I intended. Jake crosses the room and takes my hands, his touch gentle but certain.

"I feel like I've been waiting my whole life for someone like you. Someone strong and smart and brave, someone who challenges me to be better than I am." His voice is quiet but steady. "I love you, Grace. I'm in love with you."

My heart does that acrobatic thing again, but this time it's accompanied by a flutter of panic. Jake loves me. He's in love with me. And I'm in love with him too, but Lisa's words keep echoing in my head, making me question everything I thought I knew about my feelings.

"Jake—"

"I know it's fast. I know we've only been together a few months, and most of that time we were dealing with life-or-death situations. If you need time to figure out how you feel—"

"I love you too," I interrupt, because I do. Despite all my doubts and fears, that much is certain. "That's not the problem."

"Then what is the problem?"

I walk over to the window, looking out at the small town that's become my home, trying to find the words to explain the confusion in my head. "Lisa said some things that made me think. About whether this is really the life you want, whether you're settling for less than you deserve."

"Grace, look at me."

I turn around, and Jake is standing right behind me, close enough that I can see the flecks of gold in his brown eyes.

"I chose this life before I ever met you. I chose Cedar Falls because it's where I want to be, doing work that matters to me, protecting people I care about." He cups my face in his hands, his touch warm and reassuring. "You didn't make me settle for anything. You made me realize how much I love the life I've built here."

"But what if Lisa's right? What if you could have more in a bigger city? Better cases, more opportunities—"

"More opportunities for what? To chase criminals I don't know in neighborhoods I don't care about?" Jake shakes his head. "Grace, I've seen what 'more' looks like. Lisa always wanted more money, more status, more excitement. It was never enough for her, and it never made her happy."

"Maybe she's changed."

"Maybe she has. But I have too. I'm not the same person I was when we were married, and I don't want to be." His hands drop to his sides, and I see something shift in his expression. "Grace, are you having second thoughts about us?"

The question hangs in the air, loaded with implications. Am I having second thoughts? Or am I letting Lisa Morrison get into my head with doubts that don't really belong to me?

"I don't know," I admit, hating the way the words taste in my mouth. "Maybe. Not about my feelings for you, but about whether those feelings are... real. Or healthy."

Jake's expression shifts, becoming more guarded, and I realize how that must have sounded to him.

"What does that mean?"

"It means maybe Lisa's right about trauma bonding. Maybe what I feel for you is gratitude and dependency rather than love."

"Do you really believe that?"

I look at Jake Morrison, this man who's become so important to me, and try to separate my feelings from the circumstances that brought us together. If I'd met him under normal conditions—at a coffee shop or through mutual friends—would I still feel this connection?

The answer comes immediately: yes. Jake's kindness, his integrity, his quiet strength, his sense of humor—none of that has anything to do with the fact that he saved my life. Those are just who he is.

"No," I say. "I don't believe that."

Jake's relief is visible, the tension leaving his shoulders. "Then what are we talking about here?"

"We're talking about the fact that your ex-wife is in town, she wants you back, and she's going to fight for you."

"And?"

"And maybe you should hear what she has to say."

Jake stares at me like I've lost my mind. "Grace, I don't want to hear what Lisa has to say. I don't want her back. I want you."

"But what if—"

"No." His voice is firm, more forceful than I've ever heard it. "No what-ifs. Grace, Lisa left me. She decided that the life we were building together wasn't good enough for her, and she walked away. I spent two years getting over that, learning to trust again, figuring out who I was without her."

He walks over to me, taking my hands again with an urgency that makes my heart race.

"You don't get to throw that away just because she's changed her mind. And you don't get to make decisions about my life based on what my ex-wife thinks is best for me."

"I'm not trying to make decisions for you—"

"Aren't you? Because it sounds like you're suggesting I should give Lisa another chance, whether I want to or not."

I realize he's right. I am trying to make decisions for him, protecting him from potential hurt by pushing him toward someone who might be a better match. It's the same protective instinct that made me want to leave town when I thought my presence was putting people in danger.

"I'm scared," I admit.

"Of what?"

"Of not being enough. Of you waking up one day and realizing you could have had something better."

Jake's expression softens, and he steps closer, eliminating the space between us.

"Grace, you are enough. More than enough. You're everything I want and everything I need."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because I know the difference between settling and choosing. I know the difference between gratitude and love. And I know the difference between a woman who left me and a woman who stayed to fight beside me."

He's right, but Lisa's words have planted seeds of doubt that are hard to ignore.

"Jake, maybe we should take some time to think about this. Maybe we're moving too fast—"

"Maybe we are. But that doesn't mean what we have isn't real." He steps closer. "Grace, I love you. Not because you need protecting, not because we went through danger together, not because you're grateful I helped you. I love you because you're smart and strong and funny and brave. I love you because you make me want to be a better man. I love you because when I look at you, I see my future."

My eyes fill with tears, because I see the same thing when I look at him. But I also see all the ways this could go wrong, all the reasons why Lisa might be right about us not belonging together.

"What if she's right about me not fitting in here? What if I really am just city people pretending to be small-town?"

"Then we'll figure it out together. But Grace, you're not pretending. You've built friendships here. You're starting a business here. You're part of this community now."

"Because I had to be. Because I was running from something else."

"So what? That doesn't make it less real."

Before I can respond, the door to my future office opens and Tom Murphy walks in.

"Sorry to interrupt," he says, taking in our serious expressions, "but Grace, that computer system you ordered just arrived. Want me to have the boys bring it in?"

"Actually," I say, making a decision I didn't know I was going to make, "hold off on that for now. I need to think some things through."

Tom nods and leaves, but not before giving Jake a concerned look.

"Grace," Jake says after Tom's gone, "please don't let Lisa ruin what we have."

"I'm not letting her ruin anything. I'm just... I need some time to think."

"About what?"

"About whether this is really what I want. Whether this is really who I am."

Jake looks like I've slapped him. "I thought we'd moved past this. I thought you'd decided to stop running."

"I'm not running. I'm being realistic."

"You're being scared."

He's right, and we both know it. But sometimes being scared is the smart response to a situation.

"Maybe I am. But Jake, if we're going to be together, it has to be because we both choose it freely, not because we're caught up in the drama of what we went through."

"And you think taking a break is going to prove something?"

"I think it's going to give us both time to figure out what we really want without the pressure of Lisa's ultimatum or the weight of everything that's happened."

Jake stares at me for a long moment, then nods slowly. "Okay. If that's what you need, then okay. But Grace, I want you to know something."

"What?"

"This isn't me choosing Lisa over you. This is me respecting your choice to figure things out. There's a difference."

After he leaves, I sit alone in my empty office and wonder if I've just made the biggest mistake of my life.