40- The Things That Came Before

40- The Things That Came Before
Aisha woke up to the sun shining right into her eyes. Imset had a walkout patio in his room that she'd never paid any attention to. Now she was finally noticing just how much light poured in through the glass because she wanted nothing to do with it.

She'd never felt more like a vampire than when she hissed and threw her head under the covers. The light burned her sensitive retinas and immediately gave her a headache. Well, she already had a headache but the bright light made it feel like her head was splitting.

Her stomach sloshed from side to side then tightened, and she had no energy. Fuck. Coming down from the high felt like dying. And it easily explained how people got addicted. Why come down at all? Especially if it hurt like this. She'd forgotten how hard the fall was. All those years she'd spent with her head above water seemed to vanish into nothing and she was left feeling disappointed in herself.

Rolling until her back was to the light, she pulled the covers down again, feeling relieved when she noticed she was in the bed alone. What the hell had she been thinking? Why the hell would she do this? Did she just have an unhealthy relationship with pain? It was the only reason she would have put herself in this position again.

Aisha groaned and forced herself up out of the bed. It had to be the softest thing she'd ever slept on and that irritated her. She didn't want to like his damn room or his walkout patio. She didn't want to like his perfect fucking bathroom or him, for that matter. And she definitely didn't want to stick around like an idiot until he got back to being an asshole again. She at least needed to be dressed and ready to go when he got back.

She used the bathroom and brushed her teeth, surprised to see her toothbrush. Looking around she noticed her soap and a basket of her toiletries. It was unsettling but it didn't change her mind. His thoughtfulness now wouldn't keep her here. Seeing the opening to the temple room, she peeked inside as if to verify that what she remembered actually happened. But she found it spotless. Not a single sign of the slaughter that happened the night before remained.

Had it really happened? Had she really killed all those people? Technically she hadn't done any of the killings but it didn't make her hands any less dirty. It seemed too fucked up to be fake. Fuck it, they deserved every second. She didn't regret a thing except not doing it herself simply because she'd have like to be the one pulling the light from their eyes like they'd pulled the light from her own.

The room felt surprisingly comfortable now. She'd opened herself up to being truly vicious last night. Letting go of her fear, she embraced her bloodlust. And it had been the kind of unleashing she desperately needed. To feel how dark and powerful she could truly be. A woman like that... who would watch men gutted and ripped apart without an ounce of disgust... a woman like that wouldn't let anyone walk all over her. Not a man. Not a god.

Aisha shook her head and spun to head for the shower. She tried to ignore all the dried sex from the night before. She wanted to remove all the reminders before she could steel herself to the day.

She thought again of the piercing screams from last night. Perhaps, she was evil and destined to go to be feasted on by Ammit for what she did. If that was actually the case, her heart wasn't bothered at all. She hadn't lost a bit of sleep. She hadn't been consumed with guilt or grief. In fact, she'd gotten so turned on, she spent the whole night doing things she'd never done before with a god who was just as likely to be the master of sex instead of death. It had been unbelievable. And a terrible idea, too but that was beside the point now. Regretting it wouldn't make anything easier.

She sighed, getting into the shower. There was definitely something wrong with her. Looking for soap, Aisha finally saw a bottle that looked exactly like what she used at home, except it was new. Washing her body quickly, she gave her inner thighs two separate lathers, then she wet her hair and put it into two damp french braids before drying off. She found her lotion in the toiletry basket by the sink and applied it.

What did all this mean? Had she seen them here last time she came? You're not going home. His words from last night had taken on a new edge in the morning. She hadn't noticed anything about the place last time she was here. Her heart was too foggy with lust and happiness only to have it ripped away a few hours later. Fuck the soap and the lotion. It didn't matter the reason.

She didn't stop to prepare herself mentally as Aisha threw open the closet door but she probably should have. She blinked, pinched herself, and looked again. There was no denying it as she looked again, her eyes were fine. She was just seeing something she couldn't make sense of. She was looking at a closet full of clothes. Only now they were split, one-half Imset's and the other half, hers. All the ones Neith had given her plus a lot of newer ones she'd never seen before. As she opened the underwear drawer, it was full of new bras and panties all in her exact size. What the hell was going on?

Aisha shook her head, confused by Imset's hot and cold, hate and love, cruelty and gentleness. That's what it was last night, right? Gentleness? She shook her head, trying to shake free the thoughts. She didn't want to consider it. She didn't want to get her hopes up again and she didn't want to get hurt. That dinner had severed something so primal in her. The last shred of hope holding her world together... what she really needed... was to lose herself again. The pain in her chest was returning and she needed to dull it again.

Instead, she pulled on her favorite cropped ankh t-shirt and some distressed jeans with combat boots until she felt like she was wearing armor, emotional armor. She went for the place she'd left her clothes the night before and searched the pockets. Nothing. That wasn't possible. Where were the pills? Aisha blew an unsteady breath... she needed something. She rubbed at the space between her breasts, eyes prickling.

Instead of waiting in his room, she went out into the hallway. Not only to finally explore the palace she had never really seen but to escape the way the walls felt like they were closing in. She couldn't break down here. She'd already done that once and the humiliation of it made her stomach twist.

Looking around at Imset's home, Aisha saw that everything followed the aesthetic of his bedroom and bathroom. Modern and clean, slate-colored and neutral-toned despite the fact that he was ancient. Shouldn't he long for the bright colors and bronzes of ancient times? She ran her hands over the rough stone walls wondering how old they were. Next door to his bedroom was a large, modern office. Minimalist in design with only matte black and natural wood finishes everywhere. A large window looked out into the river and let in a considerable amount of light.

Entering, she immediately saw a familiar crate of her ritual things. Alongside it, another box of her school supplies and desk materials. She went to it and sifted through all the journals, movies, and photos he'd collected from her apartment. Two large suitcases lay on their side so she unzipped the first one to find her loungewear. Her posters and bedding. What the hell? She went to the other and gasped. It was full of Aiko's things from the apartment. Aisha felt herself shake. Felt her mind white out. She closed it back and stepped away.

She ran her fingers against his desk, enjoying the smooth feel of the finish. It was impossible not to read into all her things being moved into his house. Not just her toiletries and clothes but her precious items. Her personal items. What would she say to him once he found her here?

As she sat behind his desk. The chair made her feel like a child, clearly designed for a much larger person to be sitting in it. She fiddled with the pens on his desk then pulled open one of the drawers to find a stack of freshly cut papyrus pages and binding ribbon. Did he use old-school handmade papyrus pages to write on? Something about that tickled the Anthropologist in her. She closed it and opened a lower one which held tons of little pictures. Aisha picked one out. It was an old scratchy bit of etched metal. Like an old photo plate or something similar. She squinted, trying to make out the details of a lady dressed up in at least three layers of dresses.

This was strange for him to have.

She picked up another. This one was an oil painting of a woman who looked like she was from a renaissance fair though Aisha imagined it was probably a genuine artifact. Looking through a few more she realized there were leather engravings like hieroglyphics. Oil rubbings. Acrylic. Different types of old film mediums. Who were all these women? Aisha pushed the drawer closed and got up to leave. But before she could go too far, a thought struck her, more like an urge she couldn't shake.

She went back to the drawer of papyrus and grabbed a pen, jotting down a small note and folding the page over before tucking it back in the drawer. She smiled at her silly little gesture and she knew it definitely went against her promise to stay distant. She sighed. Maybe it was time she surrendered herself to the idea that she didn't know what she was doing. It was okay to be scared, she admitted to herself. It was okay to be angry but also to feel conflicted. It was normal for her to be battling a crippling depression while also finding some relief in Imset. It wasn't a crime to be unsure.

Forcing herself back out into the hall, she headed to the next opening. The next room was a library composed of large glass cases and shelves. With the natural light streaming in through the door, the room felt like it existed in another world. Of course, she couldn't help but go in. Instead of books, the room was filled floor-to-ceiling with scrolls. She ran her fingers over the old parchment and breathed in the smell. She really loved old things like this.

A'isha slid a scroll out and took it over to a small glass table that sat just in front of the window, relishing the soft crinkle sound of the paper. She pulled off the blue ribbon and gently unraveled the delicate material. It was covered in beautifully painted hieroglyphics but unfortunately, she couldn't read any of it. She hadn't spent much time with the old form. That would be something she did during her master's program which seemed like it was up in the air now. She pondered it for a moment, staring at the beautiful details. What was going to happen to her?

But as she started to roll it closed, a hand seized hers.

"These aren't for human eyes," Imset whispered.

"I've been looking at it for at least a whole minute and nothing bad has happened yet," Aisha countered, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Well, then they're not meant for your eyes," he thinned his eyes. These were private thoughts, then, Aisha gathered.

She pulled back, rubbing the skin he'd just touched to soothe the tingles he left behind, "Sorry." There was still so much that hadn't yet been said. He opened his eyes once more, looking at A'isha closely. He twirled a piece of her hair around his finger and her heart clenched. It was okay to be scared, she repeated to herself.

"It's fine, it's just private."

She nodded, "Like the photos in your desk drawer?"

His eyes bulged as he dropped her hair, "You've been in my office? What the hell- I mean, why were you there?" She could tell he was trying to sensor himself. What she couldn't tell, was why he cared to be less abrasive now.

"Mmhm, is that a problem? You never said I couldn't."

"It was a given! Obviously, I assumed you knew not to do anything here without my perm-" she looked at the irritation growing in his eyes, "I mean... ummm... it's not a problem, just ask first?" His teeth were gritted and his muscles were strained, which made Aisha laugh. He was trying so hard not to be an asshole. And it was clear he was doing it for her benefit as it wasn't in his nature to be gentle.

"Who are they?" Those strange feelings continued as she scooted out of the chair and stood up, taking a step into his personal space. She noticed his eyes were softer today than usual. Even his tone was more forgiving. Any other day and he would have screamed at her before doing something crazy in retaliation. And the odd thing was, she might have preferred it. She fidgeted, wondering why all of a sudden she missed the brutish, erratic god that terrified but also thrilled her.

"...Fuck this is weird to say to you," he looked out the window and cleared his throat, "They're my previous consorts."