Chapter 197 Lay It All Out

Chapter 197 Lay It All Out
\[Jeremiah’s POV\]

I continue to stare straight ahead, unmoving, not talking, and when something jabs me in the side, I find Rika eyeing me expectantly.

I immediately understand what it is that she is getting at and when I look to Collin, he gives me a slight nod and then focuses on Rika.

“Care to take a stroll with me?” He asks. “That is if you aren’t afraid of being seen together with an old man.”

“Old man,” Rika laughs. “Not hardly, let’s get going.”

Smiling, she waits as Collin steps out into the hall and once he does, she puts a hand on my back and gives me a slight push that makes me step forward and then head into the apartment where Lilah is waiting.

“Jer,” she smiles as I take her in, noting the dark circles under her eyes and her exhausted deposition. “It’s good to see you.”

“Mmmm,” I nod. “You look like shit.”

The words are leaving my lips before I can stop them and I immediately regret them until a laugh escapes Lilah and I feel our familiar energy returning.

“I guess I do,” she admits. “You do too.”

“Well,” I shrug. “I guess we have both been through a lot.”

“Yeah,” she agrees and when an awkward silence falls around us, I find myself trying to remember how we used to be.

How did we use to talk?

How were we together?

After everything, it was hard to determine.

Or maybe it is hard to determine now because our relationship is completely different. It is no longer like back then when Lilah would use me to ease her loneliness or to keep herself occupied between relationships.

Now, it was truly friendship between us and I guess this new dynamic would take some time to navigate, but wasn’t that alright?

It would be like getting to know each other all over again, which I guess could have it’s benefits, but would I ever really be able to think of her as anything more than a friend?

“You should sit,” the woman in question says, making me realize that I’ve been awkwardly standing.

“Sorry,” I grunt, moving toward a recliner and plopping down in it.

Once I’m seated, Lilah fixes her gaze on mine and I can see so many questions there.

“Jer,” she begins and I brace myself for what is to come. “Are you sure you’re okay? Are you hurting? How’s your ankle? Have you been…” She trails off and I see something dark cross her gaze, but as quickly as it appears, it is gone. “Are you okay mentally?”

“Woah, woah,” I chuckle, realizing that she was trying to make herself get everything out before she couldn’t any longer. “One question at a time.”

I wait while Lilah nods and fights whatever anxiety she is dealing with.

“You aren’t suffering are you?” She finally asks, deciding on this single question. “I mean with trauma or your parents hounding you.”

“No,” I respond and she seems relieved, but I’m not. “Have you been?”

“Been what?” She asks and I give her a look that screams not to dodge.

“Honestly,” she sighs, slumping a bit. “I’ve been better, but I’m slowly working through it.”

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t do more.” I tell her and this time she shoots me a look.

“What could you have done? You’re only human.”

“That’s true.” I agree. “But I still would have preferred you to not have to witness what happened. That is honestly my only regret with everything.”

“It’s over now,” she shrugs, but I know she is just trying to put on a front for me. “Anyway, aside from that, how have you been?” She continues. “And who was that you brought with you?”

“Are you really curious or are you just trying to start conversation?”

“Both,” she smiles. “Honestly, I hate that we are so awkward, but I guess it is to be expected after everything.”

“That’s true,” I agree. “But I think in the end we will be able to come out of this with a whole new relationship.”

“I agree.”

“And that woman is Rika,” I tell her, weighing her reaction and when she seems to get excited, I know what she is thinking. “She’s the one that I’m pretending to be fiances with. She insisted on coming with me.”

“Is she nice?” Lilah asks. “Is she treating you okay?”

“She’s…” I begin, considering what I’ve gathered about Rika since our meeting. “Different.”

“Different,” Lilah repeats, waggling her brows. “Different in a good way?”

“Don’t try to assume things.”

“I just want you to be happy.” She tells me. “And I’m glad that someone has been with you through this. I would hate for you to be alone.”

“Likewise,” I tell her. “Anyway, I’m assuming things with you and Collin are going well. What about your pregnancy?”

Once again I see Lilah’s expression fall at my question and I immediately go alert.

“What is it?” I demand. “Did something happen?”

“Nothing. Luckily, but it could have.”

For a moment, I don’t speak as I consider what Lilah has said and I find myself unable to relax while trying to figure out what she is getting at.

“These past few weeks haven’t been easy.” Lilah says slowly. “Between the nightmares from watching Tony die in front of me to my mother not waking, I almost unintentionally killed my babies.”

As Lilah speaks, her voice cracks and she fights so hard to stop the tears from falling, but I don’t want her to have to try to be strong in front of me.

“Let it out,” I tell her, moving to the couch beside her and rubbing her back. “Let it all out. Don’t hold it in.”

“I’m sorry,” Lilah sobs. “I didn’t want to cry in front of you. I wanted to show you a strong face so you didn’t worry.”

“You don’t have to do that for me.” I point out. “I would prefer that you just be yourself and act how you want like you always have.”

“You’re making it sound like I’ve been a crybaby all along.” Lilah sniffles.

“Well,” I admit and immediately stop as she gives a look of warning. “Alright, alright,” I laugh. “But seriously, don’t try to be someone you aren’t in front of me, alright?”

“Sure,” Lilah nods and I lift a hand to wipe her tears, but as I do the door opens and I immediately realize that our current position is a terrible one to be found in.