Chapter 68
My breath hitches as his thumb grazes my upper lip.
“You talk about it like a weakness or some sort of flaw,” he says, “But your darkness makes you strong. It brought you to Lionswood. And to me.” His eyes glitter with intensity. “Do you think we’d be as drawn to each other as we are if there wasn’t something broken inside you, sweetheart? You don’t hide as well as you think you do. I haven’t always known what’s broken, but I’ve known it’s there. I’ve known your darkness. More than that…” His grip on my face tightens, not to the point of pain – but to awareness. “I’m attracted to it. I’m a moth to your flame. This morning, I tasted it.” His gaze flickers down to my mouth. “And now, I want it all. I want to satisfy your hunger."
And then he’s kissing me.
My body thrums with electricity – as if every nerve’s come alive at exactly the same time to scream: Yes. Yes. This is what I want.
I curve my hand around the back of his neck, attempting to yank him down to my level, which backfires spectacularly when his hands snake to the curve of my ass, and he lifts me onto the counter in one effortless movement, all without breaking the kiss.
His mouth’s soft and surprisingly pliant against mine, and I assume he’s letting me take the lead – only to realize a second too late that is not what’s happening.
The moment I try to use my tongue, he strikes, using my parted lips to shamelessly pry my mouth open and explore every inch. He’s ruthless about it, leaving no crevice untouched, and by the time he’s done, I realize I’m the pliant one now.
Sneaky.
Panting, I rest my head against the cool mirror as Adrian leans over me, hands caging me against the counter – and it must be a day’s worth of emotional highs and lows finally catching up to me, but I can’t help but laugh, though it comes out as more of a breathless huff than anything else. “Is this going to be our thing?” I ask. “The marble countertops in bathrooms?”
He stares at me, pupils blown wide with desire. “It could…though there’s a perfectly good bed just a few feet away. I suggest we use that instead.”
My eyes widen, my heart galloping straight into my throat.
Does he mean…
And, as if he can read the half-formed thought in my head, he answers it with a kiss to my jaw. “I told you. I want it all.”
A shiver runs through me. “Then take it.”
I feel his smile against my skin, and then he’s tucking his hands beneath my back and knees to scoop me up.
He carries me, bridal-style, over the threshold of the bedroom like a bride as I have that fleeting thought again – that I’m about to venture past the point of no return.
He sets me down gently on the edge, and then quietly asks a question I’m not expecting – but probably should’ve. “Have you ever done this before?"
I hold my breath. “No, I haven't. I'm on birth control though. Have been since I started attending Lionswood.” And then: “Have you?”
My heart clenches in anticipation for the ‘yes.’
Of course he’s done it.
Surely, not with anyone at school – at least I hoped not – but with someone. Maybe a budding supermodel on a white sand beach, coyly asking him to apply sunscreen to her back as she slips out of her bikini top.
Or a foreign socialite’s daughter protesting a boring dinner party by sneaking up to his room. Maybe even some-one-day-to-be Countess or Duchess or –
“No,” he says. “I haven’t.”
I’m barely able to keep my jaw attached to the rest of my face. “You…haven’t?”
The shadow of an amused smile crosses his face. “Well, don’t look so surprised.”
“Well, I mean, I just assumed –” Heat colors my cheeks. “You know, curiosity and all that.”
He shakes his head. “But I’ve never been curious. Not till now.”
“But it’s sex. Everyone’s curious about sex,” I say, and then amend with: “At least on some level.”
He considers my answer. “Only academically. And I’ve used my sex appeal as a manipulation tactic on others, but…” His eyes zero in on me with startling intensity. “You’re the first person who’s ever made me want to participate in the act.”
Raw, primal satisfaction tears through me, and it’s a struggle to keep my expression neutral. “So, before me, you’ve never done…”
“Anything,” he finishes. “I’ve never had any desire to.”
The irony of this moment isn’t lost on me: just as we agree to have sex, the discussion turns to Adrian having sex with others.
But now I’m curious.
“So, you’re telling me you’ve never checked out Millie Roger’s ass? Like not even once?” I cock an eyebrow. “Or her breasts. You know, in that white dress shirt? With a little cleavage on display?”
He smirks. “It’s just an ass. And breasts.”
“And I’m different? I’m not just a pair of ass and boobs?”
His amusement fades, replaced by an emotion I can’t put a name to. “Do you remember the night of the dance? When I kissed you for the first time?”
I nod.
“I’ve never had that urge to be physically intimate with someone else. No sexual attraction, I suppose,” he explains. “To me, sex has always just been a series of chemicals. The release of dopamine and endorphins and oxytocin – all of which can be achieved in simpler ways and without the need for another person. But the night of the dance, that’s the first time I realized that it could be different than I thought. With you…” His jaw ticks, and I recognize the emotion on his face now.
It’s hunger.
“I feel the urge. There’s pleasure – and not just mine – but yours. I find myself thinking about what sorts of sounds I could pull from your body. I think about tasting you. I think about your mouth. Your lips, in particular, and how they’d feel wrapped around certain parts of me.”
My breath falters.
“Those are the tame thoughts, of course,” he continues. “I have others too. Darker, less conventional fantasies. I think about using red silk ties to truss you up in all sorts of positions, and then making a meal out of you. I think about buying you some expensive, diamond-studded choker that people will fawn all over at parties…and with no idea of all the dark, ugly bruises hiding underneath. I think about making you beg. For many things actually.”
Heat flares to life in my lower belly, the depraved parts of me singing that I’ve found a kindred soul – and want, stronger than I’ve felt, tugs at me.
I want that.
Maybe I shouldn’t.
These are dark and unconventional fantasies, but if I’ve already reached the point of no return with Adrian, than what’s holding me back from diving in completely?
My heart hammers in my chest. “I think I’d like those things,” I say hoarsely. “I think I’d like all of them. With you.”
It’s all the permission he needs.
I’m flat on my back, his body hovering over mine, as he blazes a trail of gentle kisses down my neck. He pays particular attention to the soft hollow of my pulse point, kissing and sucking and –
“Ow!” I breathe. “You nipped me.”
He smiles against my skin – all teeth. “You know, I think I have a thing for throats,” he chuckles, and his cool breath’s a pleasant tingle over the affected area. “Or maybe just yours in particular. Your entire life force is right here.” I gasp as he licks a stripe over my carotid artery. “So fragile. Look how your pulse flutters beneath my touch. Is that fear or excitement?”
My heart pounds like it’s trying to tear through my ribcage. “Excitement.”
“You’re not worried about what I might do? I could decide to suddenly cut off your blood flow here.” He suckles on my pulse like he’s trying to brand his mark onto the most delicate part of my body forever. “I could tear out your throat even.”
I inhale sharply. He could. I know that he could, and yet –
“You won’t.”
“No.” There’s one more kiss to my tender flesh, this one light as a feather. “I won’t.” He draws back, eye-to-eye with me. “I would never.”