Chapter 1 The 5 AM Ghost
The world always felt heaviest at five in the morning.
It was the hour when the streetlights outside our cramped Brooklyn apartment began to flicker, exhausted by their own glow, and the radiator gave one final, dying hiss that never quite reached the corners of the room. In the silence, the only sound was the synchronized breathing of my sisters.
I lay perfectly still on the edge of the queen-sized mattress, my back pressed against the cold wall. To my left, six-year-old Zoe was a chaotic tangle of limbs, her small foot currently dug into the small of my back. Between us, nine-year-old Grace was curled into a tight, protective ball, her hand clutching the hem of my oversized t-shirt even in her sleep. We were three souls sharing one bed, a desperate puzzle of arms and legs designed to fit into a room that was never meant for three people—much less a family of five.
Carefully, I peeled Grace’s fingers from my shirt. I moved with the practiced precision of a ghost, sliding my feet onto the linoleum floor. It was ice-cold, sending a sharp shiver up my spine that did more to wake me up than any cup of coffee could. I tucked the frayed floral comforter around Zoe’s shoulders, lingering for a second to brush a stray hair from her forehead. She looked so small. So innocent. She didn't know that the cereal box in the kitchen was ninety percent dust, or that the shoes she’d complained were pinching her toes yesterday wouldn't be replaced for at least another month.
I stepped out of the bedroom and into the "living room"—a generous term for the ten-foot space that served as our kitchen, dining area, and my parents' bedroom. The pull-out sofa was already folded back into its jagged, uncomfortable shape. My parents were gone. They were always gone. In the dim light of the oven clock, I saw the familiar white square of paper sitting on the chipped laminate table.
Mila— Had to take a double at the warehouse. Dad’s doing a haul down at the docks until tonight. There’s five dollars under the toaster for the girls’ milk. Don’t forget Zoe’s inhaler is in her backpack. I’m sorry, baby. Stay strong. —Mom
The "I'm sorry" was smudged, as if she’d written it with a shaking hand. My chest tightened. I didn't want her to be sorry; I wanted her to be home. I wanted my dad to be able to sleep in a bed that didn't have a metal bar poking into his ribs. But in this city, "sorry" didn't pay the rent.
I stood there for a moment, clutching the note until the paper crinkled. My mind drifted to a time, years ago, when the "living room" actually had a sofa we sat on to watch movies, not a bed my parents collapsed into for four hours of fitful sleep. I remembered the smell of my father’s expensive aftershave, not the scent of industrial grease and salt air that clung to him now. We hadn't always been ghosts in our own home. We had been a family once, before the medical bills from Zoe’s birth and the rising cost of a city that didn't want us here had slowly eroded our foundation.
I walked toward the kitchen counter, my eyes drifting toward the small wooden drawer near the sink. We called it the "junk drawer," but that was a lie. It was the graveyard of our security. I pulled it open. The hinges groaned, a sound that felt like a scream in the quiet apartment. There, sitting on top of a stack of grocery store circulars, was a new arrival. It was a long, thin envelope with a translucent window. In the corner, stamped in a shade of red that looked like an open wound, were the words: FINAL DISCONNECT NOTICE.
I stared at it. My heart began a slow, heavy thud against my ribs. The electricity. We had three days. Seventy-two hours to find three hundred and forty-two dollars, or my sisters would be sitting in the dark, and the little bit of milk I was about to buy would spoil in a silent fridge. I looked at the five-dollar bill tucked under the toaster. It looked pathetic. It looked like a joke.
I slid the red envelope to the very bottom of the drawer, burying it under a pile of old menus and rubber bands. Grace was smart—too smart for her own age. If she saw that red ink, she’d stop eating her breakfast to save us money. I couldn't let that happen. I let the drawer slide shut, the hollow thud echoing in my stomach. My own hunger was a dull, nagging ache, but I ignored it. I’d have a shift meal at the cafe later—a day-old croissant if I was lucky, or just the foam off a mis-poured latte. Every calorie I didn't consume at home was a calorie Grace or Zoe could have.
I walked to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. The mirror was cracked, a silver lightning bolt running right through my reflection, splitting my face in two. I looked at the dark circles under my eyes and the way my jaw was already set in a hard, defensive line. I traced the crack in the glass with my thumb, feeling the sharp edge. It felt like a metaphor for our lives—held together by nothing but tension and the hope that no one bumped into us too hard.
"Three hundred and forty-two dollars," I whispered to the empty room. My voice sounded small, thin, like paper about to tear. I counted the seconds in my head, visualizing the shifts I had lined up. To make that kind of money in three days, I didn't just need to work; I needed a miracle. Or I needed a customer with a very deep pocket and a very lapse sense of judgment.
I pulled my hair back into a tight, professional bun, pinning the stray dark strands until my scalp ached. It was a physical reminder to stay sharp. To stay focused. I applied a swipe of cheap lip balm and forced my shoulders down. If I looked like I was drowning, people wouldn't give me tips; they’d give me pity, and pity didn't keep the lights on.
I checked the time on my phone. 5:15 AM. In fifteen minutes, the girls would wake up, and I would have to be the version of Mila they needed—the one who wasn't afraid of red envelopes or empty bank accounts. I would make the oatmeal look like a treat, I would laugh at Zoe’s silly stories, and I would pretend that the weight on my chest wasn't slowly crushing the air out of my lungs.
The ghost of the apartment was gone. Mila the Provider was awake.