Chapter 111 Chasing Her Wolf
Ryder pov
Jolie's wolf form racing past me toward the forest exit.
"Jolie!" I shout, but she doesn't stop. Doesn't even slow down.
I shift instantly, Shadow bursting free with a roar that shakes the walls. We chase after her, but she's fast, faster than she should be.
The moonfire blazes around her as she runs, and I realize with a shock that she's not in pain. The shift that used to leave her bedridden now seems effortless.
She races into the forest, leaping over fallen logs and dodging between trees with supernatural grace. I follow, Shadow pushing harder than we have in months.
But we can't catch her. She's not running from a threat—she's running from me.
Finally, half a mile into the woods, she stops in a small clearing. Her silver wolf stands in the center, sides heaving, moonfire casting everything in ethereal light.
I shift back to human form. "Jolie, please. Let me explain."
Her wolf turns to face me, and the look in those eyes—my mate's eyes—is pure pain.
"Baby, please shift." I take a step forward. "Talk to me."
She shifts slowly, her body glowing silver as she transitions from wolf to human. When the light fades, she's standing naked in the moonlight, tears streaming down her face.
"I can't do this." Her voice breaks. "I can't keep pretending everything's fine when it's not."
"Nothing happened with Seraphina." I move closer, but she holds up a hand to stop me. "I swear on our mate bond, nothing happened."
"I know." She wraps her arms around herself. "That's not what I'm talking about."
"Then what?" I'm desperate to understand. "Tell me what's wrong so I can fix it."
"That's the problem." She looks at me with red-rimmed eyes. "You always want to fix things. I want to make everything better, keep me safe, and solve my problems. But Ryder, some things can't be fixed. Some things just have to be survived."
"I don't understand." But something cold is settling in my chest.
"I'm exhausted." The words pour out like she's been holding them in for weeks. "I'm exhausted from being the Moonfire Luna, from making impossible decisions, from trying to be strong enough for everyone who needs me. And I'm exhausted from being the mate who's always causing problems you have to solve."
"You don't cause problems." I reach for her, but she steps back. "Jolie, you're not a burden."
"Aren't I?" She laughs bitterly. "Be honest, Ryder. When was the last day we had where you weren't worried about me? Where I wasn't healing someone or making political decisions or walking into danger? When was the last time we were just us?"
I can't remember and the realization hits hard.
"Since the moment I became Luna, everything's been about managing threats and handling crises and protecting me from the next attack." Jolie's voice is resigned. "And you've been amazing. Supportive and patient and everything I needed. But I can see the toll it's taking on you."
"There's no toll." But the lie sounds hollow even to me.
"There is." She meets my eyes. "You're second-guessing your instincts, afraid of being too controlling. You're letting me make decisions you think are dangerous because you don't want to be the alpha who cages his mate. And Seraphina saw that, she is using it against us."
"So what are you saying?" The fear in my chest is spreading. "That we should break the mate bond? That I should let you go?"
"No." She shakes her head quickly. "God, no. Ryder, I love you. That's not in question."
"Then what?" I'm lost, drowning in a conversation I don't know how to navigate.
"I'm saying I need help." The admission seems to cost her everything. "I need to figure out how to be Luna without destroying myself. How to use my powers without exhausting my body and mind, how to face threats without leaning on you for every decision."
"You're allowed to lean on me." I finally closed the distance between us. "That's what mates do."
"But I've been doing more than leaning." She looks up at me. "I've been collapsing into you. Using you as a crutch instead of standing on my own feet. And it's not fair to either of us."
"I don't care about fairness." I cup her face in my hands. "I care about you."
"I know." She leans into my touch. "But Ryder, we can't keep going like this. The wedding is in a few days, and I'm walking in there half-broken. Doubting myself, doubting us, too tired to see threats clearly. That's not the Luna you need beside you."
"You're exactly the Luna I need." I press my forehead to hers. "Flaws and exhaustion and all. I don't want some perfect, untouchable goddess. I want you."
"Even when I'm a mess?" Her voice is small.
"Especially then." I pull her close, and she finally lets me hold her. "Jolie, I'm scared too. Terrified that I'll fail you the way I failed Aria. That I'll make the wrong choice and lose you, but pushing you away or hiding how I feel isn't the answer."
"Then what is?" She mumbles against my chest.
"Honesty." I stroke her hair. "No more protecting each other from difficult truths. No more pretending we're fine when we're falling apart. Just brutal, uncomfortable honesty about what we're feeling."
"Okay." She pulls back enough to look at me. "Honest truth? I'm jealous of Seraphina. Not because I think you'll leave me for her, but because she represents a version of you I never got to see. The alpha before the mate bond softened him. And part of me wonders if that's who you really want to be."