Chapter 28—Andi

Andi and Jackson walked hand in hand beside her parents through downtown Cherry Creek. The four of them had just finished an amazing dinner, and they were all walking together, admiring the lights. She was utterly swept up in the romance and charm of the evening. The soft Christmas carols playing through the speakers all over the square, the giant Christmas tree, the handsome guy that regularly reached for her hand while they walked—it was all too perfect. Though she repeatedly reminded herself that it was just part of their arrangement, she would have been lying if she said it didn’t make her feel warm all over when he clasped his hand around hers.

Why couldn’t this be real? Why couldn’t he really be Tim? Over the last week, she’d lost track of the number of times she’d gotten lost in those warm brown eyes of his. She didn’t know if it was so easy because of Jackson, or if it was easy because they were pretending, but she couldn’t remember a moment with Tim when she’d ever felt the way she felt around Jackson. They paused their walk a few blocks away from The Cozy Cup. Andi’s dad was talking to Jackson about fly fishing. Jackson was giving him tips on how to properly cast.

“You know, just come back next summer, and I can show you. We’ve got lots of great places to fly fish here. You’ll love it,” Jackson said.

“Maybe we’ll come a bit early for the wedding, and you boys can get away for a day or so,” Andi’s mom suggested. Andi and Jackson exchanged looks. Andi wondered if her face looked as guilty as his did. Jackson gave her hand a small, comforting squeeze. She didn’t know what the intent was behind it, but something about it made her feel better. Like he was saying it was okay, and they’d get through it. A ridiculous notion, but it felt good at the moment.

She smiled at him. “Thank you,” she mouthed. She had no idea how she was going to fix this. She only hoped it was all worth it.

“Hey, you two,” Andi’s mother said, “why don’t you stand together right over there. I want to get a picture of you both. Andi’s never sent me one picture of the two of you, and I really want to show off my handsome son-in-law when we get home.”

Andi looked to Jackson. “We don’t have to,” she said.

He raised one eyebrow and smiled. “And why wouldn’t we?” he whispered back before pulling her along to the spot designated by her mother. He held her close with one arm, and Andi couldn’t help but think how good it felt to be nestled in close to him. His smell, his warmth—looking up at his gorgeous face. Of course, the moment she was admiring him was the exact moment her mother snapped the photo.

Andi hoped her mother wouldn't show it to them. What kind of face had she been making? Probably something ridiculous. She imagined the starry-eyed gaze of a teenager with a crush. Because that was how she felt around him sometimes.

But, when he looked back at her, for a moment, she could swear she saw the same from him. She could swear that his eyes were reflecting the same feelings. Her breath caught.

“Thanks,” she finally managed with a soft smile.

He leaned toward her. “My pleasure,” he said into her ear. His lips were so close. His words tickled as he spoke them. And for a second, she thought of turning her face to kiss him again.

That was it. She had to tell him how she felt. Even if he turned her down, she didn’t want to leave Cherry Creek without at least trying to shoot her shot.

“Maybe later,” she started, “do you think we could talk?” she asked.

Jackson’s brow furrowed. “Yeah,” he said. “What about?”

Andi opened her mouth to answer but was cut short.

“Andi?” came a familiar voice. Andi’s stomach lurched.

No. No. No. She didn’t want to turn toward the voice. She didn’t need to. She knew it. But somehow, it felt like seeing him would make it real. Maybe if she never looked him in the eye—never turned to face him, he might just vanish.

Instead, she slowly turned. Or at least it felt like she was moving slow. It all felt too much like the last time she’d seen him. Why was he so good at ruining everything?

It was as if saying his name too many times—or comparing the two men had somehow made him appear. One second, she was looking into Jackson’s eyes, wishing for a world where they weren’t a fake couple—and the next, she was face to face with Tim. The real Tim. Her parents were still standing near her, and the contented expressions on their faces had now turned to confusion. Soon, she knew those expressions would turn to anger.

For a moment, she was frozen. She darted her eyes back and forth between all of them, having no idea what to say or where to start. How could she possibly begin to untangle all the lies she’d been weaving?

She closed her eyes, trying to collect her thoughts. Jackson’s hand was still in hers. He squeezed again. Was he encouraging her? Was he telling her to run away? She had no idea, but the gesture gave her back some of the nerve that seeing Tim had knocked out of her.

“What are you doing here?” Andi asked. She tried to sound harsh but avoided saying his name—just in case it was possible to salvage this situation.

“That’s all you have to say?” Tim asked her. He looked from her to Jackson, and then to her parents. “Mr. and Mrs. Owens, I presume?” he asked. His tone was sharp. Instead of shrinking away, though, she stepped toward him.

“Who they are isn’t any of your business anymore. So why don’t you leave?”

“Are you serious?” Tim spat. “You’ve been hiding out here for over a week. No one will even tell me if you’re still alive. We’re supposed to be getting married in a few months. I’m supposed to be meeting your parents. And I find you here in some little speck on the map of a town, holding hands with some guy, and pretending I don’t even exist. What is wrong with you, Andi?”

The guilt hit her like a punch to gut. She bit her lip.

“Andi, who is this?” her mother asked. She was looking around—probably to see if the group was causing a scene. Luckily, most of the sidewalks were clear.

“I’m Tim,” Tim said before anyone could answer for him. “I’m supposed to be marrying your daughter. But it looks like she has other plans,” he said. And after dropping that particularly awful bombshell, he turned on his heels to walk away.

“Wait, Tim,” Andi called after him. She let go of Jackson’s hand but turned to face him and her parents.

“Give me a second. I can explain everything,” she said. She was talking to Jackson as much as she was to her parents. She didn’t want her chasing after Tim to give Tim or Jackson the wrong idea.

She jogged down the sidewalk to catch up to Tim. She knew him. She knew this is exactly what he wanted. Her to chase after him. To apologize. Despite everything he did wrong, too. And if she didn't, he could rest in the knowledge that he'd ruined everything with his surprise appearance.

“Tim, stop,” she called. He did, but he didn’t turn around. More dramatic that way.

“What?” he asked. She could hear the smirk, even though she couldn't see it. He thought he had her. She could feel it.

“It’s not going to work this time, Tim,” she said, reaching for his shoulder to make him face her. “I’ve seen it all now and I can’t unsee it.”

His face fell. “What—" He tried to interrupt her. She stood firm, holding up a hand to stop him.

“I should have handled things better, maybe,” she said. Her breath created clouds in the frozen air as she spoke. “I should have done this that night in the restaurant. Or, I should have faced you the next day. I should have taken your calls. I should have been strong enough to do the right thing. I’m sorry for that part. But that’s it. I’m not responsible for the choices you made. I understand that now.” She pulled the glove from her left hand and watched as Tim’s eyes grew wide.

“Don’t,” he said. He was shaking his head and trying to back away from her. She pulled the ring off her finger and held it out to him. She looked at it while she waited for him to grab it, thinking of how she’d never actually liked it. He bought it for her because it was large and expensive. All the rings she’d wanted were simpler. He’d told her that she just didn’t know good jewelry.

When he didn’t move to take it, she shook it at him. “Here,” she said. “Take this.”

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “You aren’t even giving me a chance to explain: to fix things.”

It was Andi’s turn to shake her head. “I don’t want an explanation, Tim. I deserve better. I know that now.” She kept her arm outstretched until finally, he opened his palm. She dropped the ring in.

“You hurt me,” she said to him. “But I’m sorry if I hurt you, too. The truth is that we weren’t meant to be together.” He started to say something, but she held a hand up once more to stop him. “This thing with us was broken long before I saw you in that restaurant,” she said. “I think we’ve both known it. We just haven’t been able to admit it.”

“That’s not true,” Tim said. “I love you.”

“I think you love the idea of me, Tim. I think you love the version of me that you want me to be. The problem is, I’m not that person. I’m never going to be that person. Not because I can’t be, but because I don’t want to be.”

She heard sirens in the distance. She turned back to face her parents and Jackson—only to find Jackson wasn’t there anymore. Seeing him gone left an ache in her chest. She turned back to face Tim; her face crumpled.

“Even if that wasn’t the case,” she said, taking a step back from him. “What you did—it cost me everything.” She thought of Jackson again. “Everything,” she repeated.

A knot tightened in her throat. She didn’t just want to cry. She wanted to sob. To wail for days. It was all gone. Just like that. What had she done? Without giving him a chance to respond, she turned and walked back to where her parents were standing, their own faces still crumpled in hurt and confusion. She wiped a tear from her cheek as she approached them. So much for a perfect night.