Chapter 153 Chapter 153

Chapter 153 Chapter 153


ALINA'S POV

"I've had sex."

"I've had sex, been doing it and it's with Roman Ward!"

That was how I planned to start up today. How I planned to come clean, address the lethal bomb that I knew would blow up in my face.

Cleo.

Cleo finding out about everything. Everything that I've been doing, indulging in. The outright craziness, foolishness, I knew all the risks, all the repercussions and yet.

I was still doing it. I was still going back. Each time after promising I wouldn't anymore, I'd stay away, but shamelessly falling each time his name flashed on my phone's screen.

It was stupid really. So insane.

But it's his fault. It's his fault for doing do it so good, fucking me so good, touching me.

I'd thought there was still a way out, a way to come to my senses, draw a line, put a stop.

I was just deluding myself.

Maybe I would've stood a chance had few nights ago not happened.

That night...that night he tore into me, revealed himself, a side I'd somehow expected and somehow enjoyed more than anything. Just the thought, the memory, and my pants would drop wet. Soaking wet so much my pulse quickened, wanting something, desiring something to go inside of me.

It was like he'd unlocked this part of me I had no idea about all these while. Now I couldn't sit still. Couldn't think of anything else, couldn't stay away.

He was all I thought about.

Him.

His cock.

That room.

I wanted to try out something else, I wanted to go back there. Have him trap me like that again, take me as roughly as he'd done. It was driving me insane, tormenting me constantly.

I couldn't count how many times I've masturbated to the memory of that night. And it's only been a week. Just one week.

What would happen by week 2? Week 3? 4,5,6,10!

I'd be a raving mess chasing after a person's fiancee.

Hence, my confession.

"I've been doing it for a while now, this is not the first time. It's not the fifth either. I've been meeting him here at Oxygen, in the dark. At night. Afternoons. Having him slam me to walls, dark hallways, secret offices and even desks." I looked up, looked at Cleo. Then my desk she was resting on, knowing we had done it there as well.

So many places we'd done it, all in the span of few weeks.

"It's like we're possessed." I admitted, breathless. Guilty. "I feel like I'm possessed. Possessed by some crazy spirit that keep craving to get fucked by him. It's so crazy, Cleo. So crazy."

Her face remained unchanged. The expression there, the utterly stunned, disbelieving look in her eyes and bones.

Body still in its halfway sat position on top of my desk, together with me in my office. Right in Oxygen.

Somehow I felt worse with her eyes on me. Felt stupid. Idiotic.

Utterly shameless.

It was what he called me, wasn't it? Shameless.

But even now, the word seemed to turn me on rather than emphasis the weight of what it actually meant.

"What did just say, Lina?" Cleo's lips moved. Finally. "I don't- I don't understand what you're saying. You just said that you had sex. Sex. That's fantastic news. Really." She smiled, slow.

"You finally broke your long celibacy pact. Good for you, girl." She praised. Chuckled. But not the good kind, the kind where she's smiling, cringing at the same time and wondering to herself, 'what the fuck is this?'.

"It's my fault, I know." I let out, "I'm an idiot, I'm stupid."

"You're not." She stopped me, standing up. "You're not stupid Alina, you're intentional. You know exactly what you're doing, wasn't it here we talked about you ignoring them all? We went out, drank, talked, talked about his fiancée, his fiancée! We agreed forgetting everything was best. You said that you felt disgusted, angry, used. But now you turn around and let him use you?"

"Cleo,"

"You're happily getting used."

"It's not like that."

"Then it's like what? Cause from my end, it's like you saying you were going to do something, but turned around and did something else. Been doing something else and of this magnitude. Are you crazy, girl?? Are you crazy, he is your boss! Your ex, if the thought of clients and staff relations restrictions don't get to you enough. This man's that jerk remember? He's still that jerk, you hated his guts, what are you doing??"

"I don't know!" I let out, loud. "I don't know, Cleo. I don't know. Only thing is we had sex. Once. Then again. And again, and again, and again and again! Now I'm here, still thinking about it, thinking about having sex with him. That's all I know."

"You've been dickmatized." She whispered, breathless. "Oh my God you've been...oh Lina,"

"What," I said, not understanding. "What dickmatized, I'm not that."

"You have. You so have, oh no." She whined, touched my cheek. "I knew this would happen, I knew it. That bastard, he did this to you. Oh no..."

Bastard.

"He actually likes me calling him that." I murmured, senseless.

Cleo gave me the look, I immediately knocked myself in the head. "It's not... it's not like that, Cleo. It's nothing actually. I just wanted to tell you."

Tell somebody.

Else I'd go crazy.

"How did all of this happen? When did it start?" She questioned, helpless.

I took her position at the desk then, feeling light already. She took mine at the couch on the side. She wasn't that mad at me. Feeling sorry for me rather.

"It started...I think it started after I went out to meet those clients. Those ones looking to get membership at Seraph, those VVIP women?" I said, reminding her, remembering it myself. "It started there. He kissed me."

"Kissed you?"

"Yeah. Felt me up too." I added, "It was crazy, so crazy, one minute we were arguing, the next... Soon after he made me cum in one of these halls. That's how we started."

Her mouth opened. Closed. Disbelief still.

"Lina...but Lina he has a fiancée. He has an entire life, he's to be married." She pointed out, bringing back reason. "Why will you do this with such a man? Why will- why will he do this with you? To you."

"Honestly I don't know what to say." I shook my head, sighed. "I could say I feel guilty right now. I feel terrible about my actions, I understand them, but whenever I see him, whenever we do stuff. I don't feel terrible at all, Cleo. I don't feel anything but him. His touches, his kisses, his body on top of mine in whichever way, the way he handles me, fill me right up. I'm craving it. I'm wanting it over and over. It's unexplainable, complicated, driving me insane but honestly? I only want more. I want more, Cleo. That's the problem."

Her eyes softened, shoulders weak. Then her next words threw me off.

"Alina...are you- are you in love with him?"

What??

"Are you in love with Roman Ward? Your ex. Again."

I quickly stood up, stared at her stunned. Baffled she'd think such a thing. "Why ever will you say that? Why will say-

"Because," she responded, spreading her arms open like it was obvious. "Look at you. Look at your state right now. You're sitting there talking about craving an engaged man. You're fucking him, you're fucking him Alina, damned the consequences."

"It's not like that. It's not...i-i-it-

"You're smiling talking about him."

"I'm not."

"You're fond of him."

"I am not. I'm really not, I'm not in love with him!" My voice raised, breathless. Exasperated. "Gosh, Cleo. Seriously. It is just sex. Two individuals having sex, that's it."

"And you're sure about that?"

"I'm sure." I affirmed, stern. "Just because we have sex doesn't mean I've lost my mind and falling in love with him. He's just good, really good with that cock of his."

Cleo raised an eyebrow, I sighed and turned around. Running my hand through my hair again. Deeply stressed by everything and we were just talking.

Cleo stayed calm after that. Quiet. Just sitting there, thinking.

"Have you noticed?" She asked, dragging my attention.

"Notice what?" I faced her, wetting my lips as I sat at the edge of my desk, legs stretched out and crossed, balanced. Laid back.

She took her eyes over the length of me, settling on my eyes then back down again. "Have you noticed yourself. Look at you right now," she laughed, soft. "You look... peaceful."

Peaceful.

"Do you need your eyes checked? Cause I don't feel that for sure."

She chuckled, light. Genuine. Relaxing truly and keeping her eyes on me.

"From slingback kitten heels to strappy pointy mouthed heels. From black or dark cooperate dresses and skirts, to shorter skirts, long side slit dresses and skirts, all cooperate. In colors. Not bright and bold of course. But definitely no longer black." She commented, picking all that off me.

"Look at your hair. Your long brown pretty hair I always tell you to style something other than pressing them straight. You're wearing them out today. You've run your fingers through them more times than I've walked in this very office today and yet you don't feel the need to pack them up."

I looked. Checked.

My hair was indeed let down. I just washed and combed it for work today. Not for any specific reason though. But Cleo seemed to have a theory.

"You're at peace." She mentioned, "You're at peace right now, Lina. You're so at peace that it's reflecting in your behaviours even. You look freeier, happier if I may. I look at you and I see a proper 25 year old dead gorgeous woman accepting her body, needs, not having some dark cloud hovering around her like when she decided to ignore her ex and his girlfriend. How long has it been since you've been wanting to fuck him?"