Chapter 71

The drive to Casper took just under ninety minutes. While Nakos spent quite a few hours with the prospective horse and talking to the breeders, Amy wandered around, snapping pictures. She'd gotten some great shots by the time Nakos was ready to head out.

"There's a family restaurant right up the road." He glanced at her from behind the wheel, then back to the two-lane highway. "We can do an early dinner. I'd rather take you somewhere nicer for our first date, but I've been stomping around a farm all day."

Date? There he went again. First, breakfast in bed, followed by the beautiful comment and flowers. Now, dinner out. She couldn't hack it, not this take charge side of him, nor the consideration. It was one thing when they were friends and the occasional slips could be chalked up to placating. Dating was entirely different.

Unsure how to respond, she glanced out the passenger window as trees and hills whizzed by in a blur. Dating led to sex. She'd been with other men before Chris, but she had zilch for experience. Intimacy was incredibly uncomfortable for her, and since it had rarely been pleasurable, she had no skills, either. Most of the time, she'd laid there, doing what she'd been told.

She had little strength when it came to Nakos. His kiss alone cindered her brain cells. A first in her book. She'd tried to summon the courage and wherewithal to tell him no, remember why them together was an epically bad idea, but she lost all sense near him. Worse, was his determination. He'd obviously made the decision they were going for it, and she'd never change his mind. He could be so hard-headed and obstinate when he wanted.

Halfway through the day, she'd come to the conclusion she'd just go along with whatever he had in mind, let this attraction run its course. Fighting him would only encourage him and give her a headache. If they ever got to the take-their-clothes-off stage and had sex, he'd quickly learn she'd never satisfy him. Even Chris had sought it elsewhere. Nakos's curiosity and desire would fizzle, peter out, and die a quick death.

Except, he kept trying to throw chivalry into the mix. Why couldn't he just strip her naked, get his jollies, and have a blinding morning-after insight like every other guy? It would speed things along and she'd be less likely to get more attached.

Dang, she was so worried their friendship would suffer, though. All she had was Kyle, Olivia, and Nakos. And really, her brother was family. If things went horribly south with Nakos, Amy would be the one abandoned. He wasn't the type to get ugly in a breakup, but their situation was unique. The uncomfortable tension alone would unnerve him. Not only did he work for Olivia, they were close, and he'd developed a bond with Nate, too. Olivia would side with Nakos if it came down to it, if forced to choose, and where would that leave Amy?

Almost no family and zero friends. Hell, nowhere to live.

"Does that work for you?" His hoarse, low tone filled the cab. "I'd really prefer to take you somewhere outside of Meadowlark for a change."

Definitely better for his reputation if he wasn't seen around town with her. Hanging out was a vast cry from a one-on-one meal. People would talk.

"That's fine." She pressed her temple to the window, sick to her stomach. Most of all, she didn't want to hurt him. Her love for him spanned almost two decades and there was nothing she wouldn't do to make him happy. She'd gladly live on the streets and dumpster dive for scraps after this relationship ended if eradicating her presence from his life was what he needed. "We skipped lunch. I bet you're hungry."

"All you've eaten today is fruit, and that was hours ago."

Yeah, well...she probably wasn't going to keep much down, regardless of what was on the menu.

Ten minutes later, he pulled into the parking lot of a nondescript restaurant and she almost laughed as they were seated by a hostess. Nakos had been worried about taking her somewhere nice. He'd be shocked to learn this place was several bars above anywhere Chris had taken her. Before him, she'd never been on a date. Not an official one. She'd hung out with previous boyfriends, but nothing that constituted an actual date.

"What can I get you to drink?"

Suddenly nervous, Amy smiled at the server. "Just water, please."

Nakos ordered a cola and eyed her over the menu when the waitress walked away. He'd taken his hat off and set it on the booth beside him, so his face wasn't partially in shadow anymore. Those black eyes studied her intensely and it amped her anxiety. It wasn't like he was a stranger, but she didn't know how to behave around him all of a sudden.

She glanced around for reprieve. Since it was only four o'clock, the place wasn't hopping, but several of the white lacquer tables and booths were occupied. Flower print wallpaper covered the walls and vague prints of roses were scattered about.

"You are going to order something, aren't you?" He jerked his chin at the laminated menu beside her silverware. "You haven't looked at it."

To appease him, she picked up the menu and skimmed the options. She had very little cash on her and she'd just made a loan payment, thus her account was low. Dinner out was not in her budget. He'd never let her pay anyway, and it wasn't like she was hungry. "You've been nosy about my meal habits lately."

"Because you don't eat enough."

Refusing to look at him, she stared as words blurred on the page. "I'm on a diet."

He slapped his menu on the table. "What the hell for?"

And this was why she'd tried skating around the conversation with him. "Typically, one diets to lose weight. If you must know, I'm trying to drop a few pounds. And it's rude for men to discuss such things with women."

"You've already lost more than a few the past couple months." His index finger curled around the top of her menu and tugged it down, forcing her to look at him. Irritation tightened his mouth. "You don't need to diet."

The waitress returned with their drinks and asked what they wanted. Nakos ordered a burger and fries, then zeroed in on Amy as if in challenge.

"I'll have a cobb salad, please." Once the waitress was gone again, Amy changed the previous subject before he could insert more of his two cents. "Are you going to buy the horse?"

He studied her for the longest time, dissecting and picking and invading. Finally, he sighed. "Probably. I have to talk to Olivia, but the horse has good lineage, a gentle temperament, and he's healthy. Young, too." The strain bracketing his eyes and mouth eased while he paused, gaze locked on hers. When he spoke again, his voice held a sad note. "You don't have to change, Ames. There's nothing wrong with your weight or anything else. Did he say something to you? Your ex? Because you shouldn't listen to a thing that flies out of his mouth. Believe me, not him."

"That's been my problem all along. I believed him." Not just Chris, but her parents and everyone who shouldn't matter. They didn't care about her. Her gaze drifted away, lost and unseeing. "I believed him when he said he loved me, wanted to marry me. When he claimed to pay the mortgage or bills on time. That he was just at a poker game with friends, even though he always came home smelling like perfume and his shirt was buttoned wrong. I fell for every lie and believed him. Such an idiot," she muttered. "That's the worst part. I fell for it, for him. I was stupid enough to think he truly wanted me."

In the odious silence that hung, she glanced at him. Fists clenched on the table, jaw working a grind, he stared out the window. Not a solitary muscle moved or twitched, but the tendons and veins in his neck bulged.

She swallowed. "What are you thinking about?"

"Murder." As if he had to force himself to do so, his gaze slid to hers. "I didn't know he cheated on you along with everything else."

That had been the least of Chris's offenses in her book. The rejection and betrayal had stung, but compared to his infidelity, the insults or ignoring her outright had lashed harder. She should've kept her mouth shut. Now Alpha Nakos was donning his metaphorical brass knuckles, in full protection mode.

"I don't blame him for that part." She shrugged when his midnight eyes narrowed to menacing slits. "I don't. Honestly, I suck at sex."

He blinked. Several times. "He tell you that lie, too?"

"No." Yes. She straightened her silverware. "I..." God. Talk about embarrassing, but it wasn't the worst idea to inform him of her inefficiencies. Maybe he'd get the hint and back off before damage was done to their friendship. "I'm incapable of having an orgasm."

There. Now it was out there, floating in the air and settling in his head. If her face got any hotter, she'd wind up with a third degree burn.

He flattened his hands on the table. "Ever?" His gaze bore into her, but she didn't respond. "You've never...?" He cleared his throat. "Not even by yourself?"

Great. They were going to discuss masturbation. "Not often. It takes a really long time for, well..." She never wanted to die so badly in all her life. And there had been a lot of instances when she'd wished to be swallowed up into nothing.

"Was he your first?"

A dry laugh scraped her throat. "No. I lost my virginity younger than most and"

"How young?"

The clipped question caught her off guard. No way, no how was she having that conversation. "That's not the point. I've been with others and still nothing. Damaged goods, Nakos. Like I said, I don't blame Chris. You should walk also before we get any deeper."

He offered a slight shake of his head, but the move seemed more involuntary than argumentative. "Is that why you've been fighting the idea of us? Some misguided worry of not satisfying me?"

It definitely made the top ten list. Right above this-will-ruin-her-when-it-ends and just below she-wasn't-good-enough-for-her-ex, never-mind-Nakos.

"Why didn't you say something sooner?"

She rubbed her eyes, frustrated as shit. "When, Nakos? At sixteen when we went to the homecoming bonfire with the football team? Or how about during graduation with all fifty-five of my classmates around? I know. I should've done it at twenty-two when Olivia announced you as her foreman. Can't you picture it? Hey, Nakos. Congratulations. By the way, I can't get off in bed. Be serious. We were never a romantic option. Why bother?"