Chapter 32 – January 15, 1988: Part II
When I walk outside, I double over, feeling the impending panic attack, but straighten again when I hear someone calling my name. I turn to see Pete jogging toward me. “Ra'Shelle, wait.”
A smile twitches. “What did I just say about staying away from me?”
“I know, I know, but I need to ask you something away from Mr. See No Evil in there. Please?”
Cast in its dark shadow, I lean against a knotted oak tree. “Yeah, of course.”
“Ra'Shelle, are you a victim?”
I roll my eyes. “That’s your question? Pete, you know I am.”
“No, I mean… I thought I knew but then… Ra'Shelle, you’re in the will.”
“I’m just as surprised as you are, Pete.”
“Really?”
“Absolutely.”
He sighs. “Ra'Shelle, my mother was a good woman.”
I nod. “I loved her too, and I’m eternally in her debt.”
“I don’t want you taking her stuff!” he says significantly more harshly than his previous statements.
“And I honestly don’t want it,” I tell him. “I wouldn’t want to take away anything sentimental.”
“Really?”
“Come on, Pete. You know this is your father’s final torture for me. Having to step back into that life to sort through all of his possessions, to smell his cologne, to relive memories… He didn’t leave me these things because he cares about me; it was the opposite.”
He rubs his face with both hands, and I notice the faded bracelet, absent last night, is again tied around his wrist. “Tell me you were the victim, Ra'Shelle. That you were just a pawn.”
“Ugh! I was! You know I was.”
“You asked me if I remembered…” He sighs, and I see a new anguish in his eyes. “Of course I remember February 29, Ra'Shelle. It’s seared into my mind. How could anyone forget that?”
He rubs the back of his neck and stares off somewhere else. “Do you think… Do you think I could have saved you? Do you think I could have stopped him?”
I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. I never could have predicted that question. “Honestly, Pete, I don’t know, but I do know that you couldn’t have stopped him forever. Even if you had won that battle, you couldn’t have won the war. Plus, you would have signed yourself up for a savage beating, I assume.” I sigh. “That is what happened, isn’t it? That’s how you ‘paid for it’?”
He nods slowly. “Yes.”
“So, maybe there’s your answer. Maybe you could have saved me that night, but not any night after that, and you would have paid for your attempt. You were just a kid too, Pete.”
“So… you’re not taking my mom’s stuff?”
I shake my head. “I just want to read the letter first.”
“Yeah, okay.”
I lean back. “You know, Lorez is a bad dude.”
Pete raises his eyebrows. “Did you not already know that?”
“Why would I?”
“We went to school with his daughter. She was a year older than you. Remember? He was going to marry the mother, but then Kristi was born with all those disabilities, so he just left. Didn’t support them or anything.”
“Wait, Kristi? Cooper?”
“Yeah.”
“She’s Lorez’s daughter?”
“How did you not know this? It was constant gossip.”
“I was living my own nightmare, Pete.”
“Right.” He rubs the back of his neck again. “When Kristi was in first grade, Mom invited her over a couple of times each week. I think Kristi stayed with a few different adults when her mom was at work.”
“Did you play pick up sticks with her,” I interrupt with a slight smile.
“She couldn’t maneuver pick up sticks,” he says, “but I did play Sorry with her. She could handle that pretty well.”
“That was nice of you, Pete.”
“Yeah, well, when she was in second grade, my father said she couldn’t come over anymore. Forbade my mother to invite her, and that was that.”
“Why?”
“He didn’t give a reason.” Pete rubs his eyes. “He didn’t have to.”
“Do you know where she is now?”
“Haven’t seen or heard from her since I graduated high school.”
I sigh. “Your life was complicated.”
“Less complicated before Mom died.” He gestures toward the door. “I have to finish this thing. You’ll call me though, yeah?”
“In the next couple of days. I promise.”
“Yeah, all right.”
As I watch him leave, my hands begin to shake. I take a deep breath as I reach into my purse and search for a quarter. My sneakers grip the sidewalk, and I drop the coin into a payphone at the end of the block.
Colin picks up on the second ring. "Hello?"
"Hey," I say shakily. "So, I don't think I can ride a bus right now. I just… I just can't." I bite my lip. "LFI is about half a mile from here. I'm going to take a walk and take some time. Maybe have Tom drive me home or call a cab after I'm back to normal."
"So it was something," Colin says.
"Yeah."
"Do you want me to call a cab and pick you up?"
"No, just hang out with Alex. I'll call or be home within a couple of hours."
"You're sure?"
"Yeah."
He takes a deep breath. "Okay. I trust you. Just be safe. Come back to me."
Random people speed down the small streets cramped by oversized houses and shops. "Colin?"
"Yeah, babe."
I take a deep breath that hurts my lungs. "Tell me the thing. I mean, I know it won't work as well because I'm out here, and it's even less true than it normally is, but… tell me the thing."
He softens his voice. "It's just you and me. Ra'Shelle and Colin. No one else exists."
"One more time."
"Ra'Shelle, it's just you and me. You and me. No one else exists."
I clear my throat. "Thanks. I'll see you in a bit, okay?"
"I love you, babe."
"I love you too, Colin." I hang up and close my eyes. The air is crisp, but with only a gentle breeze, it isn’t cold. The sun's warmth caresses my face as I touch the envelope in my purse.
Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Open.
"What do you want from me?"
***
Despite feeling completely shaken, I walk confidently. I hear my heart pounding in my ears, and even deep breaths fail to normalize it.
I’m so absorbed in my thoughts that I walk past LFI and have to turn around. I pause to straighten my shirt and compose myself before climbing the stairs to Angelique's desk.
"Hi, Ra'Shelle. Tom said you might be stopping by."
I smile. "Well, apparently he was right. Is he busy?"
"You can go in."
"Thanks." I tap on the closed door.
"Come in."
"Am I interrupting anything?"
He looks up, then stands. "Nothing important; please come in."
"I don't want to intrude. I was just wondering if I could sit for a few minutes?" I gesture at the small table.
He raises his eyebrows. "Yeah, of course."
My legs tremble as I sink into the chair and remove the envelope from my purse.
"Are you okay?" he asks.
His questions seep through my defenses, deflect evasion. "It's too soon to tell."
He places his pen behind his ear and picks up his legal pad and a stack of papers. He joins me at the table but doesn’t say anything else.
I unfold the letter, take a deep breath, and read.