CHAPTER 2: Fiona
LEONA
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Fiona was a perfdistressedress dictator. Not that it was less conspicuous anyway because I had practically wheeled out of the Alpha's study in tears and hadn't stopped crying until dusk, but in a way, she tried to make things better with her usual cheer-up attempts like baking me my favorite blueberry muffins or tapping to the beat of my favorite song, which I did with her when I was in a down mood. None, unfortunately, did zilch to lift my spirit.
Somehow, I felt like a hollow shadow, with everything that had made me, me, stripped off from inside me and leaving me high and dry.
But Fiona didn't stop her pestering.
Talk to me, she signed when I finally let her into my room where I'd been holed up for who knows how long. She was seated beside me on the bed, an air of deeper concern encompassing her. In no sooner than later, she would figure out how much of a liability I would be to her.
Did he reject you?
"Yeah," I muttered, slow enough for her to catch my words. My throat felt dry, courtesy of the many hours I'd spent bawling my eyes out and clenching down my sobs after telling myself I wasn't going to break down.
It wasn't any special pain. It wasn't any special punishment. All lies.
Does it..., her hands stopped signing midway, and her eyes peered at me with some sort of pity that made me nauseous. Does it hurt so bad?
Like hell, I wanted to reply. Not so ironic how I'd left here this morning with the subconscious preparation to officially get rejected, only to return utterly devastated and overridden with multiple regrets.
I wouldn't have been this helpless if I had just stuck to a simple warning instead of overreacting to my emotions.
"It hurts just like they say it would," I said, avoiding her eyes. Well, she was too busy reading my lips to see the pain in my eyes, but I still deemed it worthy not to meet her gaze. "Sharp pain and all, but it's not like we didn't expect it. The King thinks I'm useless as a woman in a wheelchair."
And that it'dbetterbest for me to die with honor than live with shame. Obviously.
If I'd agreed, would I have probably gone down in history as the mate—or Luna—who'd risked her worthless life for a kingdom that didn't even as much as care for her, over her thirst to regain honor?
One which I may never even get.
Do you want blueberry muffins? she signed, a nudging hope filling her eyes at me.
At least, this second time, I couldn't see myself declining. It was blueberry muffins anyway.
Sure, I signed back, forcing a small smile on my lips.
Even though the distress hovered around me like a thick, foggy plague, I did my best to indulge in Fiona's fun antics, which she pulled to make me break out a smile. I pulled it off quite perfectly, like nothing hurt, because I hated the gloominess and worry in her eyes when she looked at me.
I deserved to be pitied, but it was to a limit.
—
Morning only felt like an invitation to a much greater turmoil than I had been put in the previous day.
The birds chirping, and the smell of Fiona's cooking wafting from downstairs; it wasn't new anymore, but all it made me feel as I laid still in my bed was nausea. The memories of the previous day had left me sore, and I wondered how I was to live my life from now on.
As a spectacle... living as one who is despised by many.
I wasn't entirely prepared to take on what this life would bring me, but at least I knew half of it. And Fiona would always be there to keep me from breaking over my hedge from it all. I could only hope she wouldn't be affected by the crossfire.
A soft knock rapped against my wooden doorframe before it creaked open and Fiona sauntered in, meticulously holding a tray of food in her hands and a warm smile on her face as she gingerly approached me.
This sister of mine was always a beacon of sunshine and warmth and never was I not proud of having her by my side.
Sleep well? She made the sign with her hands as she dropped the tray on the bedside table and came to help me sit up, and I passed her on a shallow attempt at a warm smile.
"I managed," I said, leaning into her support as she lifted me to rest my back against the headboard and turned to look at me with an expectant gaze.
She probably hadn't been able to read my lips.
"I said I did. It helped to the very least," I signed to her. Another whisper of a smile touched her lips, making me desire the moment when she wouldn't have to sorrow again because of me.
Like she had when Gina died.
Eat up, she signed. I'll be going to the market. I need to return some things to Gilbert.
I didn't miss the blush that crept up her cheeks when she signed the name. She was whipped by him, and I couldn't help but wish them both the best of luck since, evidently, they were attracted to each other and even had a ring to show for it. They deserved each other.
She deserved all the love I could ever give her.
Sure, I signed to her. "I'll finish breakfast and come help you at the market."
No, you won't! Her brows dipped with a stern reflection. Stay home and recuperate.
I didn't argue with her as I hesitantly dug into the meal of bacon and eggs. No, I didn't want to, because I realized how stupid wanting to go out to her in the market and witness the downplay of the King's rejection.
I couldn't have her tearing herself apart thinking she hadn't protected me enough—which was all she'd done after Gina died and I lost my legs. And even though she was soon to find out because news spread like wildfire in Crestwood, I needed to assure her that I was fine.
That I would be fine.
That it was the best punishment in comparison to one of death. She would understand.
My life could have been upended, but I wouldn't let hers be when the decree spreads.
"Thank you very much, Fiona," I grasped her hand in mine, allowing the warmth from it to seep into the skin of my palm. "For everything you are. For everything you've done... I just want you to know that you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. And that no matter what happens..." Her eyes had begun to water, emotions cascading in the brown orbs. "I'll love and be by your side. Even when it's us against the world."
A single tear slid down her cheeks as a small smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. One of her hands detached from mine and came to rest on my face, caressing it with a gentle ease that made me lean into the warmth it generated. Then, I allowed one of my hands to find her face and wiped the tears streaming down her cheeks.
I love you too, she mouthed without any volume. And for a while, silence clouded us with a heap of emotions. Moments after I'd eaten and showered, Fiona was off to the market, leaving me in a space of tranquility where I could bury myself in my thoughts.
Sitting beside the window, I peered down into the view of the street; cluttered with a handful of ecstatic children playing about and a few passersby. Some of which were lovebirds who worshiped excessive PDA.
Irked by the sight, I wheeled away, a pang rising in my chest all over again. I'd never been a relationship kind of person because I barely even had the time to date a guy—or a werewolf—while I was yet to discover my mate, but it hadn't stopped me from dreaming about being in one and finally finding my mate.
Occasionally, Gina would tease me about never at least trying to put myself out there or to maybe give Rutherford—a guy who'd had a very notable crush on me back then and very much hates me now—a chance for a date.
Above all, she'd wanted to see my wishes for a mate come true.
It's not your fa; I, I could very much imagine sayings if she knew I'd been rejected if she were here. The Alpha King just doesn't know what he'd lost. He's as stupid as it goes by, flanking aside a radiating glory as yourself.
She'd give me too much credit if she were here. And maybe I wouldn't even be in a wheelchair to begin with.
The pain hit, and I bit back the memories of that night; the sheer horror, bloodshed, and her terrifying screech that had buried itself in my mind, tucking them back into the deeper shadows where they belonged.
The sooner I rid myself of those terrible memories, the more bearable my entire miserable existence would be.